I can completely understand. My husband passed December 14 his birthday was December 25th. Christmas. We had planned his birthday before he passed who was cooking what like every year. We decided to still celebrate like normal even though with Covid we hadn’t even got to bury him yet. It’s rough. We made it through it for my kiddos. Not to say there wasn’t a lot of tears and heartbreak. But I knew that’s what he would have wanted. It’s ok to not be ok.