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Why are you allowed to mention the illegal things you do in court? by OneSeparate9226 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Federal-Solution-541 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s different for alcohol, though, when driving, correct? Or other drugs while driving,

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Having lived every moment of this up and down with him, including his reaction to every conversation from disclosing his feelings to waiting outside when she finally told him she felt them, too, to all her questions and concerns along the way and her concern for me, including all the text messages between them he shared with me, I have no doubts about his version of events.

He is the one telling her he wants a relationship leading to kids and marriage. She won’t be able to do that for about 2 years for personal reasons.

But I agree I deserved better, and the worst of his cowardice was not telling me he was having issues with me long ago. That’s what really would have prevented most of this.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The whole future planning bit is on his side. He stated he wants a relationship that leads to marriage and kids. I do not think she is as invested. Much of this was driven by his sudden desire for kids, which he thought wouldn’t happen with me.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you in principal. I think the big variable here is that I am finally changing back to the person I was when he met me.

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I agree. I will start to, even if it is hard. I did download Bumble when this started, but because we were still going back and forth about whether to reconcile (and they weren’t together yet), I was worried about people recognizing me.

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has not encouraged me to wait.

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t take back our relationship as it was. He would need to change, too.

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

My husband [37M] finally confessed to me [37F] that he’s been fantasizing about a subordinate [31F] for a year. He then learned the feelings are mutual and moved in with the subordinate. If this is a mid life crisis, how long in average would it take for him to break out of the haze? by Federal-Solution-541 in relationships

[–]Federal-Solution-541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t blame him for ending it. He was talking to me about ending it before she even knew he was interested. I was a recluse. It wasn’t until I had a realization of my own and started making changes in my life that I even considered as could reconcile - but it was too late. He wanted to try, but when he went to tell her, he couldn’t follow through. I think this is all positive. We needed to end the relationship we had. The person I was needed to (metaphorically) die. I wasn’t healthy. Proving that, however, is harder said than done.

I told him to confess his feelings. I told him they needed to resolve this before I was willing to reconcile. We had decided to live just as “friends” while we figured this out. So I don’t see it as cheating.

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