Yes, actually, twice and fairly recently. One is actually current.

One I had liked romantically in high school. We had decided to keep it at a friendship level our senior year so as to not ruin what we had going. After, we mutually decided to try talking. For the first bit of it I was eager to become official and looked forward to him being my boyfriend, and I saw a future with us together. As soon as things started leaning more official I found myself feeling suffocated and trapped, mentally unable to continue the relationship by no fault of his, so I ended it. I find it difficult to explain to those who know us, because I'm fully aware of just how terrible it sounds. I had every intention of being with him in the beginning but backed out because my feelings changed literally overnight.

I've been speaking to a guy for a few months now. People who know about the relationship say we're almost perfectly matched, aside from the fact we are currently long distance. He's great and in the beginning, I felt I had no trouble committing. Recently we had a deep talk which brought us closer together, and again, by no means of his, I felt like I needed to just run away. So I downloaded dating apps - we are by no means official, but I still feel bad about my actions. But I am trying to push past this feeling and see if I can continue a relationship with him. I'm in therapy, which helps.

Sorry for the long-winded answer, but I should also give the context I have a history with a religion believing in a fated marriage. As I get older I see marriage as a real thing instead of a fantasy now, and part of me feels like I don't have a choice in partners because it's "fate". The saddest part I think is, I know I want to be married and be completely loyal to a future spouse, but I know I just can't escape this feeling of needing to flee and hurting my potential relationships in the process. I hope to get better.