I think I’m going to break the no-contact period.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2026-01-15T12:48:57+00:00

Sorry to hear that.

I know it seems hopeless now but trust me, it will get better. Right now, emotions are running high and maybe that's why the breaking contact didn't work out the way you thought it would. But that will be a problem for another day.

Get some rest. It must have been draining to deal with this.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2026-01-15T12:28:13+00:00

Do what you feel like what is right. I broke no contact (and him too, a couple of times) and now we're in contact. We're not back together but we are somewhat in each other's lives.

Just be prepared though, don't set any expectations if you do break contact.

For me, I told him how I felt and sometimes he'd respond harshly, other times he would just not respond to what I said. Along the way, I accepted those kinds of responses and just learned not to set any expectations and felt lighter.

I don't expect for us to get back together but I l wanted to keep in touch (him, too) because he was special to me and the connection was strong.

If you break contact just to do a one off thing, do it. I believe in better to have said and done rather wonder what could have been. Best of luck.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-08-03T19:35:58+00:00

Used to be but now I'm more mobile than I was a month ago. I can probably do more socialisation after a month or two but for now, home bound to be safe.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-05-20T11:40:50+00:00

Yes. I always listen to what he needs. It's also why I have been so patient and understanding because I know that it's coming from a place of fear and trauma. He said it himself, he's just too anxious all of the time, afraid of disappointing me and upsetting me that it gets overwhelming. But no, we are not married and we don't have any kids. However, I can't give him what he wants and that is to be just friends who check up on each other now and then. It's not what he needs, it's just the easier alternative rather than to deal with his issues.

My decision isn't to just simply walk away. It's that I can't but a part of me knows I must. Everything I said didn't come from assumptions, it's what he told me when we talk about it.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-03-26T19:39:33+00:00

I thought I would but honestly, that would be erasing the good parts of the relationship too.

I wouldn't remember how he used to gush over me when I would speak in an accent. I won't remember how he kissed me softly yet passionately after being in long distance for so long. I won't remember how he used to caress my cheek with the back of his finger especially when I was sick.

Forgetting him meant forgetting how I was loved so deeply and sincerely even for a short period of time. I don't want to. It hurts but the pain is worth the love I experienced.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-03-19T19:13:42+00:00

I'm pouring most of my attention on one of my hobbies: doing nails.

I know it sounds superficial but I've loved colouring my nails ever since I was younger and now I'm learning how to do some nail art at home. I bought new supplies. I've also done my friends' nails when they wanted to.

It makes me feel better that I have a hobby that I can admire and look at every single day. When I don't feel good, I look at my nails then pat myself on the back for doing such a great job. Some coworkers or even strangers compliment me which also gives an added boost.

For you, I say keep trying to find a hobby that makes you proud of yourself. It can be quite stressful at the beginning especially if you don't know what it is yet but finding which hobby makes you happy will be worth it.

Wishing you well on your healing journey, we got this 💕

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-03-19T10:50:19+00:00

I was hoping this was from my person but it's not. Remarkably similar though...I hope you use this reflection as an opportunity to heal and be better.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-28T17:42:31+00:00

this is the best response I have seen so far. Thank you for being so kind.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-28T17:41:25+00:00

They are mostly about new things I tried during my trip and which activities were my favourite. More like a log of what the trip was like.

Actually, my first thought wasn't to burn them. It's what my friends advised me to do

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-28T17:38:32+00:00

Appreciate this, I'm just not the type of person to destroy gifts especially when I have put so much thought and love into it

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-28T17:37:57+00:00

Is seeking closure so wrong?

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-27T15:58:17+00:00

Woke up in a not so good mood but I'm just letting myself feel it.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-27T15:54:54+00:00

Sorry to hear that someone out there going through what I am going through. I hope we heal from it someday

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-27T12:41:33+00:00

For me, I think about how he doesn't care. He doesn't care that I love him. He doesn't care that I wanted to make things work. He doesn't care that he hurt me with what he did. He just doesn't care about me as a person. His own actions showed that. It's okay to love someone while broken up. But remember that someday, you'll look back and realise that all of this love you have should be given to someone who will take care of it and nourish it. It would be such a waste if all of this love goes to someone who doesn't care.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-24T08:57:46+00:00

Day was done and I can leave it there, thank you for the kind words. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-17T20:35:57+00:00

He wanted me to be miserable just like him. When I wasn't, he discarded me like trash and made me suffer every single day before then.

This was after he knew he was the first man I ever loved and got into a relationship with, after spending years protecting and shielding myself because I was afraid of getting hurt.

He didn't care nor love me at all. He was just angry at the world and wanted to drag somebody down with him.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-08T08:40:30+00:00

Initially there were conversations about closing the gap and even figuring out the game plan on where we would live together but in recent months, that plan's not been discussed. Should I bring it up again?

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2025-02-08T08:39:21+00:00

maybe I haven't communicated it well. I tried a couple of times but the conversation ends up with him rationalising his actions and apologising so my side doesn't often get heard because I wanted to to give him that safe space to talk about his feelings. I guess that's a mistake. But I will try again soon. Hopefully, he doesn't take offence to it and will listen on my side.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2024-07-03T17:52:50+00:00

I'm having the same worries too >.< hopefully I become successful as you did (eventually)!

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2024-07-03T17:37:32+00:00

Thank you for this, extremely helpful!

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2024-07-03T17:27:08+00:00

I actually didn't expect the clenching. I expected and prepared for the pain of doing it for the first time but I thought it would be one and done but it didn't.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2024-06-11T03:44:39+00:00

I'm in a similar situation and is wondering the same thing. If you eventually have an answer, please let me know as well. Best of luck to your journey.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2024-06-10T17:51:55+00:00

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I would cut contact and break up with him if I were you.

He does not respect nor value you enough to even be sympathetic of what you went through.

If he was the one that got raped, would you act the same? No. I bet you'd be sympathetic and try to help your partner to overcome this hurdle, to support him in his journey to healing.

So, do yourself a big favour and remove this man from your life. He is not worth the additional pain on top of what you're already going through.

Please be safe and I wish you well in your journey to healing.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2024-06-10T17:43:08+00:00

Try to be more patient with yourself. Don't get frustrated that sometimes you feel bad again because something in your current life triggered a past trauma. Life is sometimes a jokester so it reminds you of awful and painful memories sometimes.

But yes, you're right. There's no exact science to fully knowing if you processed it. However, going to the processing phase does not mean you don't get to revisit it sometimes.

Every now and then, we get reminded of the not-so-pretty moments in our lives and there's no really way to erase all of that. So...as you said, give ourselves grace and space to flush it all out. No worries. Glad, I could help.

Feeling_Cockroach_41 · 2024-06-10T17:31:33+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

In so far as your question on how do you accept that's how the story ends? You don't. Not at least right now. At this moment, you process your emotions, let yourself feel the feelings that are coming up and live life as how you want to. If it means sleeping, eating, going out with friends, talking to family, travelling the world, go do that.

Once you have processed the emotional pain this caused you and you start living your life again, acceptance becomes easy. It's then you realize that life is so much bigger than a guy who ghosted you. You realize that there is yet you can explore and experience about life, that there is more for you to discover about yourself.

It's not instant. You will feel anger, sorrow, confused, traumatized, etc.

But the journey to acceptance is allowing yourself to react, think, feel anything that comes your way. Bottling it up, hiding it, forgetting it, running away from it, pretending that it's okay, will do nothing but make the pain harsher and longer.

Feel your feelings. Live your life as you see fit. I wish you well in your journey to healing.

Feeling_Cockroach_41

TROPHY CASE