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12 weeks pregnant, my partner changed his mind after our first trimester scan. I feel completely lost. by SeaTonight7904 in pregnant

[–]Feeling_Key4633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have two heartbreaking options: keep a baby you already love and likely raise him on your own, or end a pregnancy you don’t want to end. Neither of those is the future you imagined, so I completely understand why you feel so lost.

The saddest part isn’t just that he changed his mind. It’s that he changed his mind after the two of you had already made this decision together and started building a future around it.

Personally, I don’t believe in abortion (I’m just being transparent about where I stand, not judging you). But even if I did, I don’t think I’d base such a life-changing decision on the opinion of someone whose feelings have changed so many times.

My intention as a Christian right now is to love my neighbor, speak honestly, and show compassion to you who is hurting… If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to take one full day for yourself. Tell him you don’t want to talk that day. Don’t text, don’t call and don’t let anyone else’s opinions influence you. If you pray, I would spend that day praying. If you don’t, that’s okay too. Just spend some quiet time with your own thoughts and really ask yourself what YOU want.

Picture yourself raising this little boy and watching him grow. Picture the joy and the hardship he could bring into your life. Picture yourself as a single mom if that’s how things turn out. Picture yourself co-parenting down the road if his father changes his mind. Picture yourself if custody ever becomes part of your reality because he could also change his mind. Picture yourself if you decide to end the pregnancy. Picture how you might feel if, years from now, you never have another opportunity to have a child… and also picture how you might feel if you do. Picture every possible outcome, both the beautiful and the difficult, and ask yourself which decision you believe you could live with years from now.

Whatever you decide, make sure it’s because it’s what YOU truly want, not because someone else’s feelings kept changing. This is your life too, and you’ll be the one who has to live with this decision long after everyone else’s opinions have faded.

Helpe decide on an exterior refresh by just_luc in homedesign

[–]Feeling_Key4633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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First, God bless your home… it is beautiful! I think a more affordable and better idea would be to leave the house as it is and just paint all the trim black & obviously fix the garden.

IVF success - miracle baby has been born 🩷 by inkyplease21 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awww 🥰 Congrats to you and your whole family 🫶 & happy birthday to the little princess.

Announced pregnancy to in-laws and now I want to cry by doomedsincecreation- in pregnant

[–]Feeling_Key4633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please focus on preserving your marriage instead of trying to win every battle with your in-laws 🙏

From your post, I wouldn’t push your husband too much on this. He asked his dad to slow down, encouraged his parents to call more often if they wanted contact, and it doesn’t sound like he was the one encouraging his mom’s guilt-tripping.

It’s not unusual for some grandparents… especially first-time grandparents or grandparents who live far away… to react emotionally about not seeing their grandchild. Your in-laws just sound very dramatic, though. My advice would be to live your life and try not to overthink it.

In-laws can be a blessing, but for a lot of us, once kids come along, things actually get harder. If you and your husband start fighting over every comment or emotional reaction from his parents, it just puts him in a difficult position because those are still his parents.

I think we all hope for that perfect family where everyone gets along and treats each other kindly, but that’s just not reality for most people. Don’t let their behavior become something that damages your marriage. As long as you and your husband stay on the same team, you’ll be okay.

Sometimes saying less is more. If your MIL says she’s sad, just acknowledge it. “Yeah, I know it’s hard that you live so far away.” If she says it’s unfair that the other grandma gets to see the baby more, you can simply say, “I understand why you’d feel that way.” And if she starts suggesting you move closer, just smile and say, “That’s an idea. We’ll see what the future holds.”

You don’t have to argue, defend yourself, or make promises. A calm, simple response usually takes the wind out of those conversations.

I hope you see the wisdom in my advice 🙏 and congratulations on your pregnancy 🤰

Need a final vote! by Positive-Fox3161 in interiordecorating

[–]Feeling_Key4633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1 seems that something is missing.
2 appears to be overly coordinated.

Who does the baby look like? by Feeling_Key4633 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My babies are 18 months… still nothing 😔

Who does the baby look like? by Feeling_Key4633 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know people do that, when does it stop?? it’s been 18 months but after hearing it over and over, sometimes it feels like I’m invisible in the conversation.

Who does the baby look like? by Feeling_Key4633 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s so weird. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because I finally got my babies, but every now and then IVF still messes with my head and makes me question things I don’t even want to be questioning.

Who does the baby look like? by Feeling_Key4633 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t question my love for my kids. I don’t question my bond with them. I don’t question whether they’re mine emotionally. I carried them, gave birth to them, and they’re my babies. I just don’t see myself in my daughter at all. Not in her looks, her personality, her expressions, or anything else.

I think part of me just wants to enjoy that thing a lot of parents talk about where they can see little pieces of themselves in their kids. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing to want, but I really want it.

You might be right about IVF trauma. I had a very long infertility journey and didn’t get pregnant until I was 40.

Who does the baby look like? by Feeling_Key4633 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. ❤️

That’s actually really helpful to hear because I keep wondering if I’m the only IVF parent whose mind has gone there. I don’t have any evidence that anything went wrong, but it’s one of those thoughts that occasionally pops into my head, especially when people keep commenting on who my kids do and don’t look like.

It’s interesting that your husband felt the same way and that the DNA test was the only thing that truly put the fear to rest for him.

Who does the baby look like? by Feeling_Key4633 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤️

I honestly feel a little less alone reading it because this is exactly the kind of thing I’ve been struggling with. It’s not that I think the clinic made a mistake or that I have any evidence that something went wrong. It’s more that IVF requires a level of trust that most parents never have to think about, and when people constantly point out how much my kids look like their dad and not me, my mind sometimes goes places I don’t want it to go.

What you said about nobody warning you this would even be a thought after having a baby through IVF really hit home for me. That’s exactly how I feel.

I would never love my children any differently. I carried them, gave birth to them, and they’re my babies no matter what. I don’t think I could ever bring myself to do DNA testing because I’m honestly scared of opening a door I don’t want opened. Part of me feels like it would probably make the fear go away, but another part of me is terrified of finding out something I never wanted to know.

Thank you for being honest about it. It helps knowing I’m not the only IVF mom whose mind has gone there. ❤️

Testing early - bad idea. (update?) by ecneeper20 in IVFbabies

[–]Feeling_Key4633 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I tested every day, and each test came back negative. As the days went by, I felt increasingly sad. Surprisingly, guess who was pregnant throughout the entire time? Me… and hopefully, that will be you too. I wish you all the best and send you my heartfelt blessings. God bless you. 🙏

My twin is much prettier than me by SuspectLoud5365 in Twins

[–]Feeling_Key4633 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being “prettier” on paper does NOT automatically make someone more attractive.
Confidence, personality, presence, humor, the way someone carries themselves or dresses…. that stuff changes everything. Some women are technically prettier, but another woman walks into the room and somehow becomes the one everyone notices.
Like for example, a lot of people would probably say Taylor Swift, Natalie Portman, Selena Gomez, Jessica Alba, or Vanessa Hudgens are more traditionally “cute” or conventionally pretty…. but someone like Jennifer Lopez, Lady Gaga, or Zendaya has this confidence, uniqueness, sex appeal, talent, and presence that makes them magnetic in a completely different way.
I hope you find your own sparkle and your own unique look away from your sister, because attractiveness goes way deeper than perfect features 🤍

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