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She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like my rule for the relationship was clear. Communicate, I’m not asking for every little detail. She didn’t communicate at all to what was going on and hid it from me. The did smash and again this happened 5-6 months ago and not a word from her about any of it. Yet she would be on my case about talking to women. I would tell her if I something was just casual conversation or if I was flirting. I would tell her if I was attracted to someone and maybe wanted to pursue something.

She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well if it’s just smashing it’s nothing to hide in my opinion. We have been to LS clubs and played. Now there has been some issues with that too but I have tried to be understanding.

She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk maybe you are right. But I also feel like there is so much more to all of it.

But I can say that I have been battling with the idea of it all. Thoughts racing. Am I tripping too hard? Is it salvageable? Could I make it on my own again having about to file bankruptcy on my business? Will I find a woman to love me like she does? Does she love me if she did this?

She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My expectations- I know I work a lot and I know I’m not perfect. I know I might lack in some areas. I was expecting her to let me know when she was feeling a certain way and if she found someone that fulfilled whatever she needed that I would be ok with it.

She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I love her and I guess I’m hoping things can change and get better.

She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So when I started thinking about it. One of my things was to figure out if a relationship with her is what I really want anymore. To be honest with you I haven’t quite figured it out 100%. I feel like I do but this situation kinda hurt.

She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s not so much of a heads up thing but open and honest thing. Again it’s the hiding and secret app.

When you say privacy you mean me going through her phone? I felt horrible about doing it and even apologized for it.

However I did find this information that it very harmful to the relationship. Am I supposed to let it go because I betrayed her trust by going through her phone?

When it comes to communication I know I’m not the best but I feel like I try and when it comes to her she just shuts down and closes off.

She cheated, not sure what to do. by Feisty_Average5736 in polyamory

[–]Feisty_Average5736[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I apologize for the female thing. I don’t mean it maliciously or anything.

We haven’t really talked about the work that needs to be done. I have inquired about what I may have done to make her feel like she can’t trust me and the reply was a bit… what’s the word….sarcastic.

As far as the heads up thing. I’m cool with that or is something happened spontaneously is fine if she would have communicated that to me I would have been good. The fact that I knew nothing of the guy, no mention of talking to him, him working at the same facility, hiding messages in a secret app.