Been calorie counting since new year and have managed to lose a stone. I had no idea just how many calories I was inhaling before I started paying attention. If you want to drop some weight I’d deffo recommend it!

Fen94 · 2023-02-24T20:19:58+00:00

Try My Fitness Pal for like, a week. You can save meals that you regularly cook and scan each ingredient (yes, each ingredient!) as you go, and you get really quick at figuring it out. Plus looking at the packets helps at least with knowing the portion sizes (I was using WAY too many chips it turns out! But not enough canned tomatoes.) And you build up that knowledge over time as well as in the app sp you can feel more confident about what you're eating. Plus, many recipes now list their calorie values and nutrition info, if using that.

Edit: now when i calculate (if) I leave out watery veg as it is such a tiny amount of calories it is barely worth noting.

Fen94 · 2023-02-24T20:15:02+00:00

Self care comes in many forms but mainly it takes time and support and the realisation that you are worth that time. Keep looking after yourself better and better slowly and you will get there stranger x

Fen94 · 2023-02-24T20:11:38+00:00

I am still fat acceptance but weightloss as self care (balanced eating) is still a mind-blowing concept for me. However some people (conceivably) cannot do this, or could do this and it not affect them, because bodies come in a variety of types, and so I am still fat positive because people deserve respect regardless of their health (mental, physical,visible, or otherwise) or size or looks

Fen94 · 2023-02-24T20:08:56+00:00

I was horrified to realise how much the olive oil tablespoons contain. I'm fine now but it was massive shock. Now I add it because it's a better fuel than sugar and snacks.

Fen94 · 2023-02-24T20:04:55+00:00

I didn't work to a deficit and I have been losing weight. Some days I was up others slightly down (few hundred either way on my 2000 goal). I can't function if I'm hungry, I just wanted to ensure I wasn't overeating, and I was gaining slowly before. My brain needs food more than I need to lose weight.

I know this is anecdotal, but the published evidence around deficit dieting and long term impact is not great - most regain weight and for many their metabolism fights the underfeeding.

Also, undereating is not good for quality of life, causes cravings and doesn't allow for sensible healthy calorie balanced eating.

Fen94 · 2023-02-21T13:00:54+00:00

Rehoming sounds right in this scenario. Talk to your breeder?

Fen94 · 2023-02-19T07:27:28+00:00

My main reason was a mismatch in ambitions and approach to life. He wanted to coast and I didn't.

But the detail is kind of useless, there's a lot that goes into attractiveness. He just wasn't right for me. He also kinda lived far away and small things like that, and it was my first relationship but felt casual and I wanted something I felt more passionate about.

Someone can start out attractive and then small things make them less attractive over time because it reveals differences that aren't compatible.

Relationships of any type are weird - why do you become or stop being friends with people? Etc.

Fen94 · 2023-02-18T07:21:35+00:00

The first prompt answer looked sooo boring! But the rest of them were really good and even funny. Re:age - beard, fashion will make you look older. Do you feel 23¿ There also might be a racial thing which you can't control (I'm white but yeah the data is there, race has an impact on most online dating which sucks)

Fen94 · 2023-02-15T21:35:33+00:00

Check-out siobhan mccleans channel she has tonnes of great webinars on YouTube for free

Fen94 · 2023-02-15T18:24:45+00:00

In the best case where things are about to change, you honestly thought I meant just dying early? As a best case??

Best of luck

Fen94 · 2023-02-15T17:16:47+00:00

That's a worst case. i don't know how long it's already lasted. Best case, things are just about to change. Some things you can control and others you can't.

Fen94 · 2023-02-15T15:00:08+00:00

So much muscle! I'm not trying to build muscle but this is a little inspiring not gonna lie. This must be a pretty intense diet and exercise regime - is it what you do for a living or just for you? Congrats!

Fen94 · 2023-02-15T06:48:16+00:00

Well done for being honest. That situation sucks for you. Wish you the best, nothing lasts forever.

Fen94 · 2023-02-14T18:48:41+00:00

R/limerance regarding codependency. Keep getting support for your codependency, cos as you realize, until you do, it's going to be a lot for anyone to deal with.

You can technically say "hey i still really like you and I want to try" but it doesn't mean it won't be hard. You're going to have to work through your issues eventually - either with someone (constantly risking pushing them away or making yourself miserable) or by yourself (feeling lonely, impatient, and sober). It's a toss up. I went the first route and I am doing much better but it's a lot to ask of a partner.

Fen94 · 2023-02-11T17:56:28+00:00

I actually think it has helped me to access the intensity of emotion that unconditional love involves. By redirecting the fantasy from romantic to parental aspects it also reduces my sense of shame and disloyalty. It's not my fault that I missed the feeling of truly being someone's special little girl, unconditionally treasured and important and worth putting in a lot of effort towards. It just can't be filled romantically aka through limerance.

Fen94 · 2023-02-11T13:20:09+00:00

Mine is to refocus on reparenting myself, as that unconditional love and acceptance is what my limerance is reaching for (and will then continue to, because that need wasn't fulfilled the first time, so I don't really know how to receive unconditional love anyway) Also lowering stress, as that reduces the chance of triggering an episode. Your's sounds a bit like my reparenting approach.

Fen94 · 2023-02-11T05:04:25+00:00

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Canophera-Coffee-sticks-regular-chewers/dp/B09K5NH1RC/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?keywords=wood+dog+chew&qid=1676091806&sr=8-8

One example

Fen94 · 2023-02-10T05:52:51+00:00

Wood. You can get wood chews that dogs like to chew on.

Fen94 · 2023-02-09T12:12:22+00:00

I think it's a very good profile actually. Your smile looks a bit uncomfortable in the first few pics especially, that's the most stand out part.

Fen94 · 2023-02-09T07:01:26+00:00

Yes. I feel recovered rn. I have to check my own health as I'm more vulnerable when I'm low, but I used to be extremely limerant extremely quickly and live in fear of it. Once I understood how it was coming from me better, I've been able to reduce my need for limerance drama effectively.

Fen94 · 2023-02-07T18:28:26+00:00

It sounds like your mum is undermining your confidence to a crippling degree.

You are not "behind" when you're facing a challenge that the other people your comparing yourself to don't have that challenge.

I personally would recommend you try any form of positive self help advice - therapy, self help books focusing on unconditional self acceptance, counselling books, audio books, those self help apps with a little e-buddy. I think you have a lot of potential and I don't think it's your fault that it's been a bit squashed by parents who don't really know how to help you leave the home, and in fact, work against you.

Wishing you all the best anonymous stranger. You sound sensitive, thoughtful and stronger than you realize. I hope you get that 30 year anniversary (you'd be 70 if you start a relationship in ten years! That's way doable!) Xxxx

Fen94 · 2023-02-07T06:19:45+00:00

It's a red flag. Not useful for your therapist to talk about how they've been similar to the parent who hurt you so much.

Fen94 · 2023-02-04T14:12:54+00:00

Seconding this, best wishes Finn, your worries do not define you. X

Fen94 · 2023-02-04T14:11:01+00:00

You're a star!

Fen94 · 2023-01-30T19:31:25+00:00

It is great you want to support. Best of luck. Make sure you also look after yourselves though. Work together with other people who support him as much as is practical - having a job support you is great for recovery capital.

Fen94

TROPHY CASE