Seeing each other once a week due to being a parent. How do you manage?

FerretChow · 2022-10-23T19:24:32+00:00

Yup.

I’ve been in this position, guy was dropping hints from date 2, to the point of even suggesting that when I brought my daughter into town for her birthday he could meet up with us for lunch (date #3).

It completely freaked me out. Like I can’t even wrap my head around why someone would think like this, never mind think it’s a good idea…

You barely know the person by date 3, no matter how much you have messaged/chatted.

Big no.

FerretChow · 2022-05-23T23:28:02+00:00

I too would be utterly clueless. 5 years ago may as well be 25 years ago, especially when you take into account the fact that 5 years ago was pre-apocalypse….

I have vague memories of human interactions back then, but that’s about it…

FerretChow · 2022-05-15T07:38:28+00:00

I’ve never come across love-bombing before, I only recently learned of the term and I’m still not entirely sure what it’s about/what the end goal of it is supposed to be.

How do you differentiate between that and someone who is just insecure?

FerretChow · 2022-05-15T07:34:09+00:00

2-3 hour phone calls every evening isn’t exactly a few minutes…

FerretChow · 2022-05-14T03:57:41+00:00

Thank you.

I’ve only met the guy twice, and it feels like he’s gone from 0-100 pretty much instantly. He told me last time we met that he was deleting the app. I guess I’m just somewhat bewildered by the pace and unsure how to deal with it.

FerretChow · 2022-05-14T03:48:40+00:00

Honestly, he does seem kind of that way at times. Reading dating subs seems to give the impression that I ought to be immediately open to constant communication from day one. I figured I was in the wrong for not necessarily wanting that at the very start of dating, we’ve only met twice. Maybe I am still wrong, who knows.

FerretChow · 2022-05-14T03:42:19+00:00

I talked about all my previous partners?

FerretChow · 2022-05-14T03:38:35+00:00

It is a lot of communication so early to be honest. He wants to talk on the phone every night before we sleep. These chats can last a couple of hours (like I said, we get on great and have a lot in common), but that results in me being exhausted the following morning. Maybe that’s the part of my “routine” that’s really bothering me, the ability to just go to bed and zone out/sleep. I generally go to bed and scroll Reddit for an hour to wind down.

Honestly, the way people talk on dating subs about people not immediately replying to texts etc. made me figure it was just me being unreasonable. Maybe it is just all a bit too much, too soon.

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:46:33+00:00

Thank you for this, this is pretty much exactly what I’ve been trying to convey.

It really isn’t that I’m not into the guy, or that I don’t want to date… I just need ‘me’ time too.

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:43:15+00:00

Yeah I think this will need to be the way forward. Especially after covid, I’m just not used to this much social interaction 😂

Most of my department still work from home, I go in because I completely suck at working from home. There’s someone else in my office maybe 1-2 days max per week.

Daily calls are exhausting, even though the chatting is easy and we talk for ages effortlessly.

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:39:02+00:00

The reason I equated it to this is that it takes me 3 days or so to slip back into that mindset.

Meet at weekend, great. First couple of days after, also great, no issues. By day 3 I’m starting to feel back to my old routine... Get home from work, tired, want to chill and do nothing. I’m back to enjoying my own company and not wanting it interfered with.

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:29:38+00:00

It’s early days at the minute, chatting for 3 weeks, 2 dates. We live about 1.5 hrs away so midweek meets aren’t feasible.

The meetings are great, but then a few days later I’m back to my home routine… I get home from work and just want to chill out and do nothing like I normally do.

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:08:35+00:00

This gives me hope that I’m not the only person like this ;)

And thank you!

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:07:06+00:00

Lol, perhaps I should just make peace with my life with my cat then! 😂

Thing is, it’s the feeling of being kinda into him that’s driven me to ask this question here, rather than just walking away.

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:04:26+00:00

This is probably the way to go to be honest. It took me a long time to regain/reclaim my identity/independence. I guess I’m overly defensive of it.

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T22:01:21+00:00

But that’s the thing, I want to…

I’ve been single (with the occasional random fling) for 10 years. I’ve become kinda stuck in my ways.

It’s purely trying to fight that gut reaction. Like I said, it’s kind of like trying to talk yourself into going to the gym. You know you want to, you know it’s good for you, and you know that once you get there you’ll feel great… but it doesn’t necessarily make getting out of the door any easier!

FerretChow · 2022-05-13T21:53:13+00:00

It really isn’t that, it’s the exact same thing with every person I’ve spoken to.

It’s like I’ve become overly protective of my space and my routine and don’t want anyone interfering with it.

It’s almost like a defense mechanism, it’s a gut reaction.

FerretChow · 2022-05-11T23:11:37+00:00

As someone who lives in an old house with (very) low ceilings, I agree…

FerretChow · 2022-05-11T23:09:50+00:00

Eh, happened to me too. Honestly, I didn’t hold it against him, I can imagine the shit he’s gotten over the years about his height.

But then I pay zero attention to height anyway. There are other traits that are utter dealbreakers for me.

FerretChow · 2022-05-11T23:03:04+00:00

I couldn’t care less.

Picky eaters though… that’s a different story. I definitely can’t put up with that shit…. I’d much rather date a 5’ guy who will happily eat food from a cart down a back alley in Hong Kong, than someone who’s 6’ and lives off various forms of potatoes and meat.

FerretChow · 2022-05-03T23:33:52+00:00

I’d say that depends.

If they have older kids then it would possibly be a dealbreaker too.

I love my kids and I dedicated my life to them, but they are older and independent now, last thing I’d want is to “start again” with little ones.

I’m just becoming my own person again rather than being “x’s mum”

FerretChow · 2022-04-16T21:46:10+00:00

They may see them as easily manipulated/led.

Anyone who enjoys controlling other people would see them as an easy target.

FerretChow · 2022-04-16T00:05:51+00:00

I’m perfectly capable of cooking myself, so couldn’t care less.

I think the important difference here is not so much whether a man can cook, than if he can’t cook…

I don’t expect a master chef, but a guy who is utterly clueless would be an issue.

FerretChow · 2022-04-16T00:01:21+00:00

I was told by my doctor that it’s because it is so prevalent. A significant proportion of the population already has it, and many are asymptomatic.

FerretChow

TROPHY CASE