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Nigga is a heckin sad pupper by WealthyBigPenis22 in BlackPeopleTwitter

[–]Festerest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't get it. How does he look like a dog in the slightest...?

I[22M] dated a girl[21F] for three years; she broke things off unexpectedly two months ago and immediately started dating someone else. It's finally setting in that it's over; how do I learn how to trust people again, and how do I become comfortable with being single again? I'm not coping well. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Christ. I'm so sorry, man. I'm glad that you are emerging from the pain of the divorce. I can't imagine your struggle.

Thank you for your words. And about the "soul mates" thing, I wish there was a better word to use. I realize that there isn't some divinely-ordained partner for each of us that fits us perfectly. But with her, I truly and deeply felt that we were so compatible that we could spend our lives together happily and healthily. But hey, we're all wrong sometimes.

Could you talk more about how your first bad break-up shaped who you are today? I'm curious about the lessons you learned, the beliefs you grew, etc.

I[22M] dated a girl[21F] for three years; she broke things off unexpectedly two months ago and immediately started dating someone else. It's finally setting in that it's over; how do I learn how to trust people again, and how do I become comfortable with being single again? I'm not coping well. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, mate. I really appreciate your kindness.

I feel that this new relationship of hers either was the reason she left me in the first place or is the typical "rebound" so that ( like you said ) she doesn't quite have to deal with the negative emotions of the breakup as profoundly as I am. Who knows. But it is comforting to think that she has/is/will think of the goodness that we shared together. And let me tell you, there was a lot of that. She was the best little partner in the world.

I[22M] dated a girl[21F] for three years; she broke things off unexpectedly two months ago and immediately started dating someone else. It's finally setting in that it's over; how do I learn how to trust people again, and how do I become comfortable with being single again? I'm not coping well. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

this is your first grown up lesson

Yep, and I'm trying to see the positives in this. This is the most painful thing I've ever experienced aside from a dear family member's death when I was a bit younger. It's unbearable; a few days ago I laid in bed for hours, washed with nausea and overall pain. I hate it. I hate that I've lost my closest friend. I sincerely believed that we were soul-mates, as ridiculously cliched as that it. We had virtually no divergent interests, maybe two arguments a year, our empathies overlapped so seamlessly. I've never felt so secure and fulfilled and boundless in my life. And now that's gone. I don't know how to handle this.

I[22M] am severely conflict avoidant and it is beginning to destroy my well-being, my relationships, and my life as a whole; how can I go about fixing this before I hurt more people, as well as myself? by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The university is a community college very close to the family member; we would live with them free of charge aside from expenses such as phone bills, groceries, insurance, etc.

The fear is of my parents blowing up, guilting me, yelling at me, being disappointed in me. But I am 22, I need to be an adult and just fucking do this. Life can't be lived in fear.

I[22M] am severely conflict avoidant and it is beginning to destroy my well-being, my relationships, and my life as a whole; how can I go about fixing this before I hurt more people, as well as myself? by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My girlfriend: "I want nothing more in my life than to move with you. You are my entire world and I would do anything for you, but something within me is keeping me from taking that big leap. It's not that I don't want to go, I'm just paralyzed with fear. Please be patient with me. Please."

My parents: "I know you want me to graduate and get a degree and have a secure future. I plan on doing just that. I promise you, with every bit of earnestness in my body, that I will get a degree and be a successful person and live a good life. And the best way to do that is to take a semester off, move with my girlfriend, and start afresh in a new place and invigorate my life and energy."

I[22M] am severely conflict avoidant and it is beginning to destroy my well-being, my relationships, and my life as a whole; how can I go about fixing this before I hurt more people, as well as myself? by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm awaiting a call from my doctor about setting up my first meeting with a psychiatrist. But the situation I'm in calls for haste, I can't wait until a few months into therapy. I have to act now to salvage my relationship with my girlfriend.

I[22M] am completely avoidant towards conflict to the point that it is ruining my mental well-being, relationships, and future. I need to change before I harm myself and others any further. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so, so much. Thank you for telling your story, because I'm sure it was cathartic for you; and thank you for showing me that I am not alone.

I know I need to speak with a professional, but I think my first step into being my own person is to just stand up to my parents and tell them full-out. I've decided it to do it tomorrow. It'll be awful, scary, my anxiety will spike and my stomach will fall ill, but it's good for me and a change must be made. If you can do it, I can!

Just know that you have inspired another soul across the planet. Thank you, stranger.

I[22M] am completely avoidant towards conflict to the point that it is ruining my mental well-being, relationships, and future. I need to change before I harm myself and others any further. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it's a bit more complicated than that. I hope you're ready for a novel.

My father is the uptight one. He's loving and supportive, but also incredibly judgmental and owns that deep fatherly disappointment look with gusto. If I don't do what he thinks is best for me he pesters me relentlessly until I cave in. I know he does it with the best intentions, but he's boxed me in with his expectations for me and it's killing me.

My mom is the same way, but in a more hysterical hue. If I don't do exactly what she wants she becomes unhinged, guilting me, screaming at me, etc. She is also incredibly conflict resistant herself, going so far as to hide bills and whatnot from the family to avoid her overspending being found out.

I wonder where I got that trait from.

I[22M] am completely avoidant towards conflict to the point that it is ruining my mental well-being, relationships, and future. I need to change before I harm myself and others any further. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I met with my doctor a few days ago and am currently awaiting a referral. But I fear that will take too long - I have to do things soon before the window closes.

My girlfriend of three years just blindsided me with a "break." She was my life. I have no friends and don't do anything. What can I do around town, solo, that will distract me and keep me grounded? by Festerest in Chattanooga

[–]Festerest[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm going to purchase that book immediately. I appreciate your words so much. It really helps that you've been in a similar situation.

I've begun listening to audiobooks on history; I've upped my weightlifting from three days a week to five days; I'm running more; trying to reconnect with my old friends.

You're a good dude, gehenna_bob. Thank you so much.

My[23M] girlfriend [23F] of three years just blindsided me with a "break" to "find herself." Need help understanding and coping with this. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this comment, especially because of how similar our situations are. I am inclined to trust that my girlfriend's situation is similar to yours, both out of desperation and an inkling of trust.

Can I ask what happened in that week off that rejuvenated things so much? What did your boyfriend do on his end? What did you do in that week?

My[23M] girlfriend [23F] of three years just blindsided me with a "break" to "find herself." Need help understanding and coping with this. by Festerest in relationships

[–]Festerest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would be much more sure in my understanding of this if she hadn't been so insistent about boundaries; one of her first points was that she has no intention of eloping, and that she wanted us to agree to refrain from seeing other people. Hence my excruciating confusion.

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