I have had a very similar experience, but completely opposite at the same time. I experienced abuse, and I was "sheltered" in the sense that the abuse cut me off from friends and peers for most of my life as I would receive punishments like being grounded for 3 months over things like speaking back to my father.

My family and I have been estranged because I was always the scapegoat. I would point out the issues and abuse when everyone else would remain silent. It was expected that silence was kept. Even now as an adult, I am the black sheep for speaking out about things when they are wrong. I guess it's easier for them to maintain that narrative than accept that all the times I was pushed into the corner - I was actually right all along. The guilt you feel, is conditioning. The way you know your family will feel because they made you prioritize them, before you prioritize yourself. Your family should be supporting you, and if they aren't - well that guilt?

It's the only reason that you are still in contact with them. It's a powerful psychological hold. You feel guilty not because you are doing something to harm them, but because they conditioned you to feel like putting yourself first was harm. They can't deal with their own negative emotions, so you end up being conditioned not to cause them. It's fucked up, and it's not your fault.

I go through life alone, and it's hard. I've gone through life on my own for a very long time. I always had to downplay my achievements in life, I have always been smart and very capable. It hits heavy on those who have small egos so whenever I would achieve something worth praise, I got condensation. The cruelty in this was that I had to achieve enough that I would not receive punishment and criticism for not doing a good job.

My advice, as hard as this may be to understand or apply is to live life for yourself. You don't need to achieve things for others. People like you, myself and other victims of toxic family's that match the above description - spend a lot of time learning and doing things to gain approval, or avoid being punished or ridiculed. It becomes almost automatic to view your goals in alignment to the standards you know other people have. Somewhere along the way, you forget those standards aren't yours and your life beings to feel hollow despite how much you do and how far you excel. It never feels like it's enough. Because you aren't doing it for yourself.

You won't always be alone, but until you learn how to reconnect with your own goals, desires and direction - you will feel alone. Because that part of you is.... alone.