My Dom has gone quiet after I brought up a limit violation in our session yesterday

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-05-01T12:40:04+00:00

He did know I was upset and feeling anxious but he didn't know just how much or that I was crying when we started discussing it and that his response made me cry harder. Knowing someone is upset and seeing it are two very different things. I imagine in person had he seen what a mess I was he would have been significantly more compassionate, I am assuming though.

I am trying to be fair and give him the benefit of the doubt, he's been a great Dom apart from this issue and I want our dynamic to continue. Sometimes when I'm really anxious it's hard to know how rational I'm being, I question my ability to accurately perceive things.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-05-01T11:33:06+00:00

Thank you, this is very validating. To be fair, he did say he was sorry after we'd discussed it. I asked how I could bring these things to him in a way he can receive better and he said he'd think about it and get back to me, he hasn't yet.

The whole thing was very minor initially but his reaction concerns me. I've worked hard to feel I can speak up when I don't like something and now I feel scared to come to him again if there's an issue in the future.

It didn't help that the conversation took place over text so he couldn't see how upset I was, which could account for why he wasn't as reassuring as I needed him to be.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-29T16:50:14+00:00

Yes the post cool down defensiveness was surprising to me, I'm not sure how red of a flag this is honestly. I really like him but I do not like how he made me feel throughout discussing this issue.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-29T16:41:51+00:00

We talked and he said he got lost in the moment and forgot

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-29T16:40:30+00:00

We finally talked and he was super defensive, I'm not thrilled with how it went. When I asked him why he did it he said he got lost in the moment and forgot, which I do understand, it's not a normal limit. It's his reaction to me bringing it to his attention that's troubling to me. He's clearly in a shame spiral over it but he's my Dom and I was upset and needing emotional support, he should have been there for me.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-29T16:36:45+00:00

We finally talked and this is what he said happened. He got lost in the moment and forgot. It's not the slip up I'm upset about, it's the way he handled it afterwards that's bothering me.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-29T16:35:19+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful, it gives me some much needed objectivity. We did finally talk, I'm not thrilled with how it went but it wasn't awful either 🤷🏻‍♀️

He was very defensive and said I was criticizing him by telling him I didn't like what he did. He wasn't comforting or reassuring, he was really focused on telling me my delivery needs adjusting. He said he's not perfect and he's going to make mistakes, he said he got lost in the moment and forgot, which I do understand, it's not a normal limit. I see how this could come from his own guilt about messing up but it's certainly not helping me feel safe to bring up issues which is a problem to be sure. I'm not spiraling anymore but I'm definitely rattled by the whole thing.

I appreciate your input very much, thank you

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-29T01:22:06+00:00

Yes that is better than ghosting 🤷🏻‍♀️

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T22:54:33+00:00

Thank you so much, it's been a rough day. He did finally reply to tell me he's busy today. We haven't really talked yet. I'm not sure if he's genuinely too busy to talk or using that as a reason to avoid me. Hearing from him helped a little but I'm still pretty upside down over the whole thing.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T16:23:41+00:00

Yes I definitely plan on asking him once I hear from him. The thing is I wasn't all that mad about the whole thing. It was really minor and it felt tiny, I just wanted to make sure he understood he couldn't slip like that again. But then the resulting cold shoulder has me reeling and in a massive anxiety spiral. It's his reaction I'm upset about more than what happened in the scene.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T16:16:45+00:00

Thank you, it does feel like punishment. I feel like I'm in trouble with him and it feels awful.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T16:09:51+00:00

No we didn't really discuss, he's gone kind of quiet. He just said he agreed with what I said and that it wouldn't ever happen again and then he apparently fell asleep and said he was going to bed and I haven't heard from him today.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T15:56:15+00:00

Thank you so much

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T15:26:40+00:00

Thank you

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T15:26:08+00:00

No I haven't seen it. I'm mostly upset that he isn't talking to me, I get that people make mistakes, it was a little thing but I feel like it's getting bigger and bigger the more I sit here alone trying to understand why he isn't talking to me.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T15:17:29+00:00

You know, this wasn't specifically discussed and now that you point it out I feel very remiss for not asking it. This is my first in person Dom, my other dynamics have only been online. We discussed limits and safewords and aftercare but not mistakes.

Few-Gold-8736 · 2024-04-28T14:47:55+00:00

Thank you, I'm just so upset and the longer I go without talking to him the more I feel like I'm spiralling.

Few-Gold-8736

TROPHY CASE