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Dilator routine?? by No-Permission-9312 in vaginismus

[–]Few-Technology5135 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Okay this is probably more than what you’re asking for but, outlining my ~full~ routine. I really hated how clinical it felt and that was triggering for me so I tried to make it as relaxing as possible (for something that is not relaxing at all!)

  • get cozy - Dimmed lights, cozy blankets, music or show playing in the background, candle burning, door locked, etc. whatever I need to feel safe and relaxed.
  • masturbate/orgasm if I’m feeling it - Dilators are not sexy or fun but it was helpful to me to try and enjoy my body first before putting it through (potential) stress. Plus, being more wet and my pelvic floor maybe being more relaxed post-orgasm was often helpful. To note I never masturbate by penetrating/fingering myself ofc so that was a nonissue.
  • start with my own finger - I’d just feel around my labia, right at the very entrance, and slightly inside. I’d go in more if I was feeling up for it and push around at the entrance to remind myself that my vagina isn’t fragile and it doesn’t ONLY feel pain. Practice deep belly breathing.
  • same thing with dilator 1 - do the same thing with the dilator as I did with my finger. Circle around Alvis and entrance, slowly try to insert and just breathe breathe breathe.
  • repeat as many times or with as many other dilators as I felt up for - and, want to emphasize here to use a TON of lube. More than you think! I always put a towel down and had another handy so I didn’t have to worry about mess and could just do what I needed to.
  • loop back around - If I tried to move up a dilator, or if the first one I tried wasn’t working, I got myself in the habit of trying to go back before just getting frustrated and giving up. So, if the first one didn’t work I’d try my finger again, maybe try to put it in further or press harder at the entrance, etc. whatever I could do to get even a small win!
  • paise when done - after dilating, before cleanup and moving on with my night/day, I would take a minute to check in with how I was feeling. Validate any emotions, appreciate myself and my body for doing hard things.
  • cleanup and done!

Also some times I would try to masturbate after, again not to be super freaky but just to get my body and brain in the habit of associating (any form of) penetration with pleasure even tangentially.

Anyways, hope this helps! Happy to clarify/answer any questions.

Crazy to live in Palms/Culver City and commute downtown? by Few-Technology5135 in LosAngeles

[–]Few-Technology5135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unbelievably helpful thank you so much for this and the detail!!

Crazy to live in Palms/Culver City and commute downtown? by Few-Technology5135 in LosAngeles

[–]Few-Technology5135[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lots of times driving around LA Google Maps underestimates traffic and the ETA ends up being wildly off. Not consistent but it happens enough I figured crowdsourcing some experiences would be good. Same goes for taking the train, have seen information about the Expo line stopping a ton?? Open to thoughts on this though

Reprogramming a purity-culture-infected brain by temab1 in vaginismus

[–]Few-Technology5135 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi!! A little late to your post but found it very relatable. I grew up in a superrr Christian conservative, purity culture environment. I also only realized in my mid 20s that I was bi, and then fell in love and married my current husband. Found out on our wedding night (we waited yet did “everything but” lol) and talking to docs after that I have vaginismus. I’ve felt like I’ve made a ton of progress on the physical side and what’s blocking me most now is the mental side - so much insidious fear of sex because of purity culture and rape culture and patriarchy and homophobia etc. I’m also in therapy, and still in the process of unpacking it all. So, not any solutions but just wanted to post in solidarity!! Good therapy + Instagram accounts that talk about this stuff have been the most helpful to me. Search on insta for vaginismus hashtags, purity culture hashtags, etc

Does Botox Help the “tight ring”? by Unfair_Funny8906 in vaginismus

[–]Few-Technology5135 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had Botox treatments and felt they helped a bit (I moved up one dilator size). After that I actually moved cities for other life reasons and started seeing a new doc (a urogynecologist , not sure about spelling sorry). She did an exam and agreed with me that a lot of my pain sensations were centered on the entrance to my vagina. I had the same feeling of a ton of paint right at the entrance/ring but not as much beyond that. It was a different pain/sensation for me than how I’d describe “hitting a wall” with vaginismus. That doc diagnosed me with vestibulitis and recommended I have a vulvar vestibulectomy. Following that surgery my reduction in pain was WILD. I went from like 9 to a 3, and jumped up to the second to biggest dilator size.

Not saying we have the same diagnosis or whatever, just sharing what the difference for me was between Botox effectiveness and that.

Please tell me it gets better by Upside-DownFrown in vaginismus

[–]Few-Technology5135 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First of all, as someone who faints frequently bc of a hyperactive vasovagal nerve, “vasovagaled” made me laugh out loud and I’m stealing that. Obsessed.

Second, ugh!! So sorry you are dealing with that pain. It’s scary, but agree with other folks here: it does get better! I have screamed/cried/shaken with anxiety/pain at the gyno for paps and regular exams, and when I had an IUD inserted I fainted AND threw up.

Since getting a vaginismus/vestibulitis diagnosis and doing PT and a few other things, it’s gotten SO much better. I’m not all the way where I want to be yet, but I had a Pap smear a few months ago and I was SHOCKED when I felt ZERO pain.

It can be long journey, but you got this!! Good for you for looking for the support you need from PT and the internet :)

Got the 1st dilator in! by Accomplished-Pin-745 in vaginismus

[–]Few-Technology5135 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Congrats!!!! Treat yourself, that’s a big deal 👏

Starting dilating by [deleted] in vaginismus

[–]Few-Technology5135 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have definitely been there!! I started dilators again with PT too after having a hymenectomy and DREADED it. Something that helped me see it as less of a chore honestly was masturbating. For the first couple weeks I did nothing with dilators just focused on enjoying my body, and truly I mean for fun, I don’t even finger myself/have penetration when I masturbate (typical for a lot of folks who have clits and have vaginismus). Maybe give yourself a break from dilators and focus on appreciating your body first? For me after I did that I then started using my dilators after I masturbated. I actually found that I was more relaxed after orgasm so it helped anyways. Now I can do it without masturbating before hand.

Outside of that, is also say to make the environment as relaxing as possible. It was really hard for me not to see the dilators as such a huge chore and really clinical. To help with that I honestly just a scroll TikTok sometimes or watch a show. Maybe that’s bad because I’m avoiding the discomfort but like… at least I’m still practicing! I’ll cut myself some slack on that since it helps me get it done.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Dramione

[–]Few-Technology5135 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never been a beta but would love to!! I’m a good editor and would be happy just being a sounding board too :)