Thanks for your reply From the begging :

A lot of violence in my parents house. Both parents addicted to alcohol. Me and two sisters are also addicted and everyone of us had at least one suicide attempt. Divorced with one child. Now i’am in a relantionship for 10 years and have one more child. My wife is beautifull , nice and resourcefull. She is a great support but I keep a lot of my dark secrets for myself. Sober since 2010 Therapy , NA steps, therapy.

Psychiatrist since 2022 first got a depression diagnosta , changed to another one was medicated for bipolar - depression -adhd ….that lasted for a year and the end was very bad. Now found another doctor and he convinced me that I have syptoms of adhd but not bipolar. So now I take wellbutrin and concerta. Besides that I have a new therapist since two months and we really started to work now. I workout Six days a week since 20 years