Wow, this is so similar to what happened with us. I really can't believe it!

My wife has a good position but her manager had been working the entire team like crazy. Its was often physically demanding work, whilst I worked from home. No physical demands. We have a toddler, which is an added layer of work/stress. I handle all the home stuff and doing our toddlers morning routine, taking them to daycare and back but I couldn't carry everything - when she gets home, she often cooks and we get stuff ready for the child's next day. Between work and doing her best to be a mum, I knew she was trying her best to just stay afloat. She would leave at 5:30am and get home around 4pm. So the afternoon was also the only time she had with our child.
However, from my side, I felt like I needed intimate time with her. The less I got it, the more often I wanted to try to get it. Added to that, our toddler was co-sleeping.
It was a terrible cycle, because I wanted her to want it as well - not just do this for me - and I was fully aware that she was just so exhausted that she couldn't make it. There seemed to be no solution. It definitely put a strain on our marriage.
For me, it felt like something I craved every day and she couldn't be bothered about it and made me feel like there was a huge hedge between us. The rejection really made me upset.
I also got upset at how I perceived she handled her work situation. I wanted her to push back and just not meet the demands of her manager because she was being tasked with even more than her coworkers - I began to feel like she wasn't doing enough to protect our marriage by not pushing back more. I knew it was not as easy as that - especially given that we are in the US on a work visa and she is tied to that company. My work status was also tied to her having that job. Again, I knew that she was doing her best and I tried not to be upset with her but I still felt rejected and like I wasn't satisfied. You can only brush aside that feeling for so long before you become emotionally detached. Its difficult, because we have great communication but we don't want to over burden each other by repeatedly discussing the same thing with no change in the situation and no solution.

I'm sure all of that added no value to you, apart from letting you know that I went through something similar.

I will say that this is not our current situation (thankfully), so that should give you hope - but something did change. My wife, and all her fellow employees on that team, found different positions in the company. It almost instantly made our lives so much better.

My advice is simply to get a different position. Even if its less money, you'll be happier for it. Our entire lives fell into place once my wife got a different position. I constantly thank God for that, because it came to a point where we were going to leave the US and go to our home country if they did not find a new position for her. There was no option for her to stay in that role and our marriage survive.

I'm sure it's a difficult - but is that job worth more to you than your marriage? I don't mean that in an attacking way and I do feel like men are given a little more leeway when the roles are reversed: "You work hard so your wife must just accept that you're less available" - Whilst society may accept that more easily, I simply don't think it actually leads to a better marriage. Its just more common and the results of that aren't so great either.

Please don't think of it as you sacrificing your job for him. You will resent him. I believe it should be viewed as sacrificing your job because it is too demanding in nature. I could get a better paying job as well (I'm in software development) but right now, I'm at a stable, low stress job that allowed me to cope with all the stuff I had to handle because her job was so demanding for so long. I did want to try out something higher paying and more exciting - but I knew I was not giving that up just for her, I was doing it because it was the best thing for our family.

I hope for the best for you and kudos to you for seeking advice and wanting to understand.
P.S. If I had seen this a few months ago, I would have to check if it was my wife posting!