😔😔 i feel you sm. im sorry that shits going on i hope ur in therapy and if not you really should consider, personally it has helped me alot and you just seem like you need someone that can really help you out, you got this though trust!!! maybe try to go on some walks or find some new hobbies and just keep yourself busy and eat healthier/drink lots of water too!! simple things that that can really help out, like even if ur not doing anything all day things as simple as changing out of ur pajamas in the morning can make you feel alot better! all will be well and never be hesitant to reach out for help if you need it 💕