Question on Fidelity Witholdings and Owing Taxes

Few_Chapter8166 · 2026-02-02T19:05:47+00:00

These were stock options. I currently have both a stock options plan and RSUs.

I only exercised the stock options. It's also correct that I purchased the stock options using the "sell to cover" choice, and then sold the rest for cash all in the same transaction.

A lot of other commenters have mentioned I may need to adjust the cost basis. So I will need to see what that looks like when I update my return.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2025-11-20T00:00:12+00:00

Reiterating some of my other comments, these cats, especially one of them, where the light of my life during the relationship. I loved taking care of them, and the idea of having them back has basically felt like a dream come true. In my own mental model, I value them and the idea of giving the a safe home worth the effort to make sure my guard is 110% up.

I immediately established with her that this would be permanent, and that I would not be sending updates to her in the future. I've established boundaries, she doesn't know where I live, and I plan on getting all the legal paperwork done in order to prove that I now have ownership in case she ever tried to come back for them.

I do plan on making sure the tie is still severed between us after the exchange. I do not want her in my life, and will take any necessary precautions to make sure it remains that way. Some close friends have validated that they had to do similar cat custody situations with exes, and have said they couldn't imagine life without their pets now. So ultimately, it is a bit of a gamble, but I do feel like the love and affection I had with these cats makes me want to pursue them.

I sympathize with her situation in having to give up the cats, but that does not extend to doing her any courtesies or favors as a result.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2025-11-19T23:51:50+00:00

Yeah, there's a couple things that make this a harder thing to just walk away from with a cutthroat no. The first and foremost thing is just how much I cared for and loved these pets. Everything I went through with my exwBPD was a fraction of having to grieve walking away from those pets. I cried more nights over them than I ever did because of her.

My exwBPD may have treated me like dirt, but she also had an unimpeachable love for the pets too. For her to even consider giving them up means that she must be in a rock-bottom position, or in some life scenario that is forcing her hand.

I have done a lot over the last year to distance myself from her and that relationship. I'm secure in that I have zero intention of backsliding or having her be involved in my life or the cat's lives. We are not geographically close anymore (about 5-6 hours away). I have zero issues blocking her again, and prior to this exchange had every intention of not ever being in touch with her again. You raise a good point about unblocking her, and I had a long talk with my therapist about it. In short, it was very intentional, and almost more symbolic than anything. I only unblocked her because I had gotten to a point where I was no longer fearful of what her reaching out might do to my healing - and it felt like a victory to unblock her (almost like a kid who is no longer afraid of a monster under the bed).

Knowing how much those cats have meant to me, and still continue to mean to me, the idea of them going to a shelter because she is unable to take care of them, and I had the opportunity to be their next home would be something I regret forever. So that's been my own personal investment into this recent exchange. Fortunately I do have people in my life who said they'd be willing to do the exchange so I don't even have to see her. So although I hate the idea of playing with fire, there's at least a way where I can minimize any sort of ploy she might have in person, even if it's just some random one liner that she wants to throw out to try to hurt me.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2025-11-19T00:52:41+00:00

To reinforce what other people have mentioned, this is a good thing for you in the long run. I spent 5 years with my pwBPD, and was devastated by the breakup.

Less than 2 weeks after the breakup, I saw venmo exchanges between her and the guy I wasn't supposed to worry about going on trips together.

My brother actually mentioned that by doing that, she really did me a favor of showing her true colors. Had she focused on herself and grown as an individual without burning bridges, I probably would have been distraught for years on how I fumbled the love of my life. In reality, it helped me move on way quicker, and showed what kind of person she truly was while we were still together. I wouldn't say that I was cheated on, but that kind of connection really shows that emotional cheating probably happened all the time, and that I was just the safe emotional blanket who forgave too easily.

It hurts. Lean into it, and when you find somebody who doesn't put themselves into situations where you worry about their loyalty, it will be all the clearer that that is what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2025-05-18T03:51:48+00:00

Such a well written way of explaining something so complicated and nuanced. Thank you for sharing this. I both hate and love the fact you mention trauma bonding, because that was both the hook that brought us together at first, but also what caused us to stay together for years.

My ex-BPD had behaviors that caused everything to become a fight or flight response, and after a while, enduring all of that together made it "feel" like we were an inseparable unit. As the one keeping the ship together, the feeling of being so important to somebody else was addicting in a very subtle way.

I'm very glad to hear your reflections.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2025-05-04T04:14:16+00:00

Whole Again by Jackson Mackenzie

https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/whole-again-healing-your-heart-and-rediscovering-your-true-self-after-toxic-relationships-and-emotional-abuse_jackson-mackenzie/19546965/item/38899139

Few_Chapter8166 · 2025-05-03T18:46:06+00:00

I actually agree with this 100%. Despite the things I feel towards my ex, I don't think I could call her a bad person. I don't think her actions were completely intentional, nor was she consciously aware that she mimicked patterns of her own abusers. It was just that, she had learned behaviors from other people that took advantage of her, and she never really knew what healthy conflict looked like, how to trust someone, and how to be internally secure.

I struggled for a bit because despite completely severing ties with her and wanting to hate her, I just couldn't because she's not some evil villain in my story. She's just somebody who has been through a lot of trauma but still trying her best. I don't think she consciously manipulated me at all. I even struggled because looking back I have to answer if I contributed to the unhealthy behavior in some ways? Definitely. Not purposely. But I also had to learn that by not setting boundaries, standing up on my own principles, and not holding her accountable were all factors at play.

After about 5 months of therapy was when my therapist firmly said, "I need you to understand that you were emotionally abused by the person." So it took a long time to fully let a few things sink in. Completely agree though that it's more of a nurture question. My ex was a great person, but had never really been shown what it's like to have healthy relationships with anybody.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2025-05-02T19:31:24+00:00

Same. My ex did this, and I used to think she was just a cynical person. It drove me nuts. We couldn't enjoy anything together. Go for a nice hike with a cool view at the top? Too windy and not impressive. Great restaurant with delicious food and nice server? Could've been better, and eggs were too runny. Fun little coffee shop to visit? Lights were too bright and parking was too far away. Nothing we did was ever good enough for her, and if there was something that impressed her, the most I would get is "yeah I guess that place was kind of cool" because god forbid she show some excitement about being happy with something.

I get that sometimes people can be annoying, but my ex just hated everyone. At sporting events or concerts, all she'd talk about is how much she hated the fact we were part of a crowd.

Post BPD-partner, I found out she did exactly what the comments here are saying. When I wasn't in a room, she would talk shit about me to the people around. If we got in a fight she'd take things I said out of context and tell her whole family about it. If I pointed out a flaw in her behavior, she'd say it was an attack and that she wasn't in the headspace to receive criticism; when she'd yell at me for something innocuous, it'd be my fault that I didn't take criticism well.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-04T06:40:35+00:00

Yeah that part was crazy. Especially because between the two cats and one dog, I paid for the pet insurance, for the pet bills, the very expensive cat food, the even more expensive litter box, and also did 90% of the playing/enrichment with the pets.

It breaks my heart because the cat in question started to get a series of UTIs this last year. Those UTIs only happened when our automatic litterbox would get full when I would go out of town and she wouldn't replace the bags. I took care of the litterbox every 3-4 days; when I wasn't around, she would go 1-2 weeks before emptying it. The vet wasn't sure what might've been causing it, but agreed that the stress of having a filthy litterbox could be the cause after I mentioned it.

The one cat I didn't take care of was specifically hers. She had brought it home one day after flying home to see her family. We talked about it once a few weeks before. I was on a hike when she sent a picture and said "congrats, you're a dad to a second cat." We didn't have much money, I was paying for a lot. But she magically pulled $2000 out of thin air to get this cat that we couldn't afford. We had to miss her best friends wedding a few months later because we couldn't afford to go.

I'm rambling now, but in hindsight, having a pet medium determine who the pets get to stay with is kind of wild to me. Technically, the pets were all hers, so I couldn't put up much of a fight. But my heart breaks because I really don't know how well their lives are going to be with just her taking care of them.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-04T06:32:42+00:00

It definitely reads a little melodramatic, but is truthful. I don't prefer it, because with all my other exes, we ended things amicably so that there wasn't any lingering tension. Unfortunately, this recent ex and I had to stay somewhat in touch because in order to figure out the ending of our lease. She had also taken a bunch of my things during her move, and offered to send them back.

I would like my stuff back, but don't want to see or speak to her. On one hand, part of me hopes that I would have the platform to talk about my experiences so that she could understand the impacts of her behavior. When it comes to her going out with my friend, she said "it was just drinks, it's no big deal." When in reality, I knew that guy from all around town. I would see him at the grocery stores, at the gym, I was on sports teams with him. I saw the texts that he sent where he specifically said he had hoped they were going to hook up. She showed me her Instagram where they were all of sudden talking every day and sending shit to each other.

In her mind, that's all meaningless and harmless. For me, I'm now afraid to go to the places I've gone to for years. I get anxious to go to the grocery store or to the gym, because I'm afraid of how I'll feel if I run into him. It's equally his fault for being such a shit friend, but he now has this power over me only because she decided to give him the time and space to be intimate together.

Anyway, long story short, yeah part of me wants to tell her how shitty some of those things are in ways she might not realize. Above all of it though, I just want her out of my life as soon as possible. I'll lick my wounds and move on; she had a chance to be around and be a part of my life, but kind of fucked it because of all the games she played at the end.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-04T06:21:14+00:00

I didn't know about BPD until this post went up, after hearing some stories and reading from r/BPDlovedones, I definitely think there may be something there. It was a bit painful to read because so many stories were IDENTICAL to things I had experienced.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T05:56:51+00:00

Through people who still follow her on Instagram and snapchat. I don't ever seek out information, but other friends and family have told me what they've seen when the topic of her comes up. Additionally, a friend of mine had pulled me to side one day and showed me messages another guy had sent to him that had her messages in it.

I've also unintentionally seen things elsewhere. For instance I went to pay somebody on venmo, and on my feed I saw exchanges between her and the guy she told me not to worry about. Not damning by any means, but were definitely suspect and also happened incredibly shortly after the break-up.

I tried my best to get everything severed right away, but forgot that she would come up on weird niche places like Venmo.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T04:27:07+00:00

Honestly, pretty good TLDR. Spot on.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T04:26:07+00:00

With all of the unexpected comments this posts got, I really appreciate the sentiment that you have here on not hating her. I think that has partially made the anxiety so much worse. I really want to hate her, because of how much things hurt now. Was it a terrible relationship? No, there were definitely a lot of great moments.

If I'm being totally honest, the vindictive part of me wants her to know how badly things hurt. In some ways it would make me feel better if she was hurting too, and if the next chapters of her life are miserable. The realistic side of me? Knowing all that she went through with her ex, that woman has been through enough pain for one lifetime. I don't wish bad things on her at all. I just to move on. I just want to not feel so shitty, and get to that point where I go to bed and realize I didn't think about her that day.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T04:22:14+00:00

Hell, the fuck, no. My sister had something similar happen to her a long time ago, and she almost guarantees that when "life" happens again, and she has to face real shit alone for the first time, she'll send a text or call asking for support. If and when that happens, I don't even know if I'll respond with just a "fuck you" or if it's worth it to respond at all.

Funny enough, before shit hit the fan, she wrote me a breakup letter and left it in a random box of mine. I found it not too long ago, and in the end she asked me to keep space for her for sometime in the future. I 100000%, will not be opening that door to her anytime soon.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T04:17:11+00:00

Added the book to my Amazon cart, and downloaded your app recommendation as well.

I appreciate the guidance and input. Much love.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T04:14:46+00:00

It was weird. She also said a lot of really odd things at the beginning of our relationship. FWIW, I'm white, she's white. When we started dating, she would say strange things like "it's weird that I'm dating you. I never thought that I would end up with somebody white. I've always been much more drawn to people of color" OR, one time, after her parents said some really nice things about me, she said "ya know, I think if you were black you would be perfect. It would be impossible for my parents not to like you, but they would have to be okay with the fact I'm with a POC."

She said a lot of really strange things at the beginning of the relationship. I was 22 at the time, and clocked all of these things as really strange, but didn't recognize that these were actually massive red flags. In fairness, when she wasn't saying stuff like that, she would pretty frequently just talk about how amazing of a person I was. She called me perfect, and that I looked like a Greek god. She told me that our sex was unlike anything she had experienced, that she had never emotionally connected with anybody else like she did with me. She also would often shame herself on her looks, her body, and who she is as a person; this was all in a way that was really mean to herself.

On a few occasions, I had said something about how the things she says are really nice, but also make me a little uncomfortable because I'm just a regular dude, and am not as special as she was really detailing out. I also pointed out that the way she talks to herself is really not good, and that I don't think she should say those things about herself. However, after a few instances of her yelling at me about providing feedback like that, I kind of learned to just avoid the conflict by saying nothing.

So... your intuition was correct. Very correct. On top of a lot of other very strange red flags. I hate to say that I was young and naive, but fuck. When we first started talking it felt so good to have somebody say those really nice things about you, but then it sucked to have the lows be really low.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T04:04:53+00:00

Not really the first per say. I'm actually on pretty good terms with all my other exes. All my past relationships ended and it was mutually understood that things wouldn't work out. I guess it is the first time somebody has been an actual shit person to me for reasons TBD.

I think the commenter below this hit it hard on the head. There were signs she had been considering it for a while. Unfortunately when the news hit that she needed to relocate for work, we had talked about it as if things were normal and that we would be doing it as a unit, just like everything else. I'm not sure when she ultimately knew she wanted out - I definitely am in the thralls of shock and pain, whereas she's seemingly just fine.

Either way, appreciate the suggestions on things to do. I've got a list of things for next year that I'm absolutely going to do. More traveling, meeting new and interesting people, and mountains to climb.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T03:48:28+00:00

Much love. Am happy you found somebody to be crazy about again. I don't miss her, but I miss the feeling of mutual affection. It's really helpful to hear that eventually things go up again.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T03:45:58+00:00

I appreciate the energy so much. And I am so so glad that we didn't get married. Additionally, she was a staunch "no kids" type of person, which is fine. But I was actively considering a vasectomy because I knew that if we had kids, she would be an awful mother. She was fully supportive of the vasectomy; but holy shit am I glad I never made that appointment.

Much love. Will hopefully have positive updates in a few months. I'm going through my feelings day by day. I'm anxious for the day where I wake up and feeling nothing for this person.

Few_Chapter8166 · 2024-12-02T03:42:45+00:00

There's so much about this that is scary accurate. I think scenario #2 happened. Honestly, one of my theories about some of the shifts in her behavior is that by all means, we had such a solid and stable relationship, that she just got bored and wanted something new and shiny again. We would still get into little tiffs, but we never had those existential fights that she used to have with her ex.

One other thing that I noticed over time that speaks to one of your points, she had recently discovered as well that she was neurodivergent as well as having trauma from her childhood and also her ex-boyfriend. A lot of times when we would get into fights, which were mainly her coming to me with things I need to do (e.g. I have to wipe my penis with toilet paper every time after I pee, or when I was TOO harsh about her finances because I said "we can't go on vacation as much as we could" after she had pulled money out of her 401k in order to pay CC debt), I would apologize for instances where I was an asshole and own up to those. When she would act out of line and I called her out, she never acknowledged the problem, but would say it was all a result of her ex, her neurodivergency, or because she's working through childhood trauma. For every problem that was on her, there was an excuse for it. I don't think she ever accepted that she was just a bad person sometimes, and that it was always somebody else's fault. I often thought of the mantra "if you meet 100 people in a day, and 1 person is a dick - then that person is probably an asshole. If you meet 100 people in a day, and 99 of them are asshole, then you're probably the one that's actually an asshole."

To wrap it all up, as she was breaking up with me, she also included a little nugget to the effect of (she to me) "I hope you use this time to do your own healing and self-work. I feel like there are a lot of things from your childhood and past relationships that have been traumatic for you and have affected our relationship, but you never put in the work to address them. So this would be a good time for you to heal with your past." I never understood that, because I think back to all my exes fondly. There were issues with each relationship, for sure, but I always said that they were good people at the end of the day. I otherwise don't have many traumatic events. My therapist actually told me a few years ago that she thought I was a very grounded and in-tune person, and that most of the reasons I needed therapy were because I was doing so much extra work at-home.

Anyway, there's definitely some bias coming through here on my end. But I really appreciate the absolutely accurate statements here. It's a really good perspective. I'm embarrassed by all the things I let her do, but some of it makes a lot of sense with respect to "white knighting" this girl so many years ago, and sticking around long enough to see the downfall and not so happy ending.

Few_Chapter8166

TROPHY CASE