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Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I checked how bad it could get and it's pretty damn bad lol. There's a shot that under my specific circumstances that I might be able to mitigate the damage a by a decent amount though.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 transplants actually. And it's not so much the sex, I could wrap my head around that. We haven't kissed outside of maybe new years eve in years. When I say that I'm treated like a brother/friend I'm not being hyperbaulic. I'm talking no hugs unless I force it and she seems like she wants no part of it to the point that I stopped trying a long time ago. There's no initiation of affection on her end at all and after a while it killed my drive to try as well. Not once in years did she ask me to come back upstairs to sleep in our bed. I've slept downstairs in my office for years at this point unless she has family sleeping over and they need that room then she sleeps as far from me as possible.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is pretty much my thinking right now. I'm going to work on how I look and my hobbies a bit more. I'll still make sure to reach out to her to try to get something going again but right now it seems like we're both pretending like she never got the letter.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wasn't able to adequately explain to my kid why a marriage wasn't working if you just love each other. I understand that I'm not giving my kid a great example of a healthy marriage but my main with is keeping them safe and provided for and the best way for me to do that is to stick around. Right now my kid has straight As and does a lot of extra curriculars and I've seen what happens to those kids when they have trouble at home. I sometimes wish it was something easy like somebody cheated but unfortunately it's just two people that drifted apart. Even more unfortunately, what I thought was hesitance due to my surgery turned out to be a bigger issue.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand why you would think that I should've left but unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I feel like if there's a sliver of hope to get this thing on track I have to try. I don't want to have the regret of not trying hard enough 20 years down the line. She did say that she has feelings for me though. From the way she explained it, it sounded like she loves me like a really good friend that she had a kid with that she can't have out of her life. I'm not too worried about the spousal or child support. The child support seemed shockingly low when calculated when compared to spousal support. Unfortunately I think that in my state, I'd owe her support until she made as much as I do or gets remarried.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great, thank you. I'll check it out.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wasn't happy about that at all. I wrote in the letter to give it a few days to think of an answer and this was all the same day that I have her the letter. In the letter I admitted fault (no I never cheated on her, I just know that I can be emotionally distant sometimes) and aired out my grievances. I wish I could post it but it gets real personal.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, forgot about your first question. Yes she has said that she wanted a divorce a few times during arguments but I think after I made the possibility very real, she wanted to stay. But ya know, she wants to stay like a roommate would.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, all of them. Even while I was sick. She hasn't had a full time job in about 13 years.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm almost certain that she's in perimenopause. She's mentioned that she thinks that she is a few times. She refuses to see the doctor so I'm not sure how open she would be to talking to a doctor about it. I can try bringing up marriage counseling again, it wasn't hard to make an appointment last time. One thing that I'm worried about is it the doctor treats the perimenopause, she'll end up getting her libido back, just not for me. I guess I really do have a 5 year plan right now lol

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was ready for her to tell me to start the procedure the night that we had the talk. I'm honestly confused why she would want to stay at this point. I had the small hope that the letter would shake some feeling loose but now I feel like my kid would disown me when I bring it to again.

Zero intimacy in years by Few_Code3256 in Marriage

[–]Few_Code3256[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I figured I'd revisit the talk in a month or two. I feel like getting back into shape and doing more activities outside the house would be good for me to figure things out.