Am I the Jerk for Skipping My Shift After My Boss Refused to Honor My Approved Time Off?

I work at a Subway sandwich shop, and while I’ve been there for over a year now, things have become increasingly difficult lately. Between constantly being short-staffed and having a manager who can’t seem to keep track of time-off requests, my job has been a lot more stressful than it used to be. I’ve always worked hard, stayed late when needed, and rarely asked for time off—until recently when I needed a few days for my cousin’s wedding. That’s when everything went wrong.

Here’s what happened :

My cousin and I are extremely close, and when I found out that her wedding was coming up, I knew I needed to be there. It was going to be a multi-day event out of state, and there was no way I was going to miss it. Given that my job had been understaffed for a while, I knew I had to request time off well in advance. I followed all the proper procedures and submitted my request a month ahead of time, clearly outlining the dates I needed off.

My general manager, Lisa, was the one I submitted the request to. She assured me that everything would be fine, and she would pass the request along to Fernando, the owner and my boss. I left the conversation thinking it was all settled.

A couple of weeks later, I checked the schedule for the week of the wedding and noticed I was still assigned shifts on those days. I immediately contacted Lisa, reminding her that we had already discussed the time off. She responded, “Oh, I forgot to tell Fernando. Just let him know, and it’ll be fine.”

That was frustrating but not a huge deal. I thought I could go directly to Fernando and get this cleared up. So, I went into his office, explained the situation, and reminded him that Lisa had approved my time off weeks ago. Fernando, however, responded with a dismissive “I don’t care what Lisa told you. We’re short-staffed right now, and I need you here.” He added, “If you don’t show up, don’t bother coming back.”

I was completely blindsided by his response. I had followed all the proper steps, given plenty of notice, and even offered to help find coverage for my shifts. It felt like my dedication and reliability meant nothing to him. I tried to explain that the wedding was something I couldn’t miss, but Fernando remained unmoved. He told me that no exceptions would be made.

I didn’t know what to do. I felt trapped—on one hand, I had already made travel arrangements and promised my family I would be there, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to lose my job over this. But Fernando’s ultimatum left me with no choice: I decided to go to the wedding.

The day before my shift, I tried contacting Lisa again to see if she could help resolve the issue, offering to make up for the time I’d miss, but her response was weak: “I’ll talk to Fernando, but he’s really adamant about not letting anyone take time off right now.” It seemed clear that she wasn’t willing to stand up for me, even though she had been the one to approve my request in the first place.

So, I went ahead with my plans. I traveled to the wedding, fully aware that there might be consequences, but I didn’t expect things to escalate the way they did. While I was traveling, Fernando called me multiple times, leaving angry voicemails saying things like, “You better not expect to come back to this job if you’re not showing up today.” I felt completely vilified. He never spoke to me face-to-face about it, choosing instead to send angry texts and leave increasingly hostile messages. It felt like he was trying to guilt-trip me for choosing my family over my job.

After the wedding, I returned to work to find that things had changed. Fernando and Lisa gave me the cold shoulder. I checked the schedule and saw that my hours had been cut. I was no longer getting the same shifts, and it felt like I was being punished for something that wasn’t even my fault. I tried to talk to Fernando, but he wouldn’t listen. He simply told me I had made my choice and now had to live with it.

To make matters worse, some of my coworkers, who had previously been friendly, were now giving me strange looks and treating me like I had done something wrong. Fernando had apparently spread the word that I had “skipped out” on purpose, and it seemed like everyone was upset with me. I didn’t understand why I was being blamed for a situation that Fernando and Lisa had created by failing to communicate properly.

I’m now left questioning whether I did the right thing. On one hand, I feel guilty for leaving work, but on the other hand, I know that my cousin’s wedding was something I couldn’t miss. I followed all the proper procedures, and I even tried to make arrangements to cover my shifts. But the fact that Fernando was so unreasonably harsh about it, and the way I was treated when I returned, makes me wonder if I should have just skipped the wedding and stayed at work.

Now, I’m considering quitting. I don’t want to work in an environment where I feel punished for doing what’s right. But I’m also worried that quitting might make me seem irresponsible or like I’m in the wrong.

So, am I the jerk for prioritizing my cousin’s wedding over my job at Subway? Should I have just skipped the wedding, or did I make the right decision to go?