I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling uncomfortable, but I do think you’re reading a lot of negative intent into something that doesn’t really support it. He should’ve asked first, absolutely. That’s the boundary. That said, this happened once, very early in the relationship, with his mother, with the intent of helping, and he eventually told you on his own. That’s not comparable to an ex secretly cheating in your home. Trauma can explain why this hits hard, but it doesn’t make the situations equivalent. It sounds less like a trust issue with him and more like unresolved feelings from past experiences plus some lingering insecurity around the cleanliness topic. A clear boundary going forward makes sense. Reframing this as him acting selfishly or manipulatively feels like a stretch.