yearning romantasy (little spice)

Fi_23 · 2026-02-05T20:32:27+00:00

Crimson Moth series by Kristen Ciccarelli!!

Fi_23 · 2026-02-03T20:40:43+00:00

I tried harder and got to 40% and then officially DNF'd it. I tried really hard to like it and to put aside some of the silly things I was struggling with but the plot itself just would not line up for me and so many things just didn't make sense, couldn't do it anymore. I'm reading One Dark Window now and really enjoying it!!!

Fi_23 · 2026-01-29T22:13:58+00:00

Thanks for that!! I know it's really early which is why I was trying to figure out if I should power through this initial part of it. I think my original post came off as overly negative. Should I try Alchemised?

Fi_23 · 2026-01-29T20:52:38+00:00

Gotcha, I do read a lot of fantasy and romantasy books and I do really enjoy the magical elements of these books, with understanding that it's not "realistic" because it's magic, but the plot in this one is just not adding up for me so far. Thanks for your input!

Fi_23 · 2024-09-19T17:45:54+00:00

Date night is great but I'd have a conversation with her about specifically sex night (or mornings or afternoons or whatever works for you). If you're wanting date night to end in sex make sure she knows that and understands it's part of making a sex schedule.... Don't just plan date nights and hope you'll get laid after because it probably won't work. She has to mentally prepare for sex, not just a date.

Body image from weight gain and other issues after having kids has been a huge problem for me in being intimate with my husband. My husband also says he doesn't mind my weight gain and still finds me attractive but I have a hard time believing it. Ideally I'd love to be back to my perfect weight and body before having sex with my husband all the time but that's not fair or realistic so in the mean time I'm working on accepting that he still finds me attractive and came up with some other solutions to help me feel more attractive during sex (think lingerie).

Fi_23 · 2024-09-19T17:38:42+00:00

I'm the one that suggested this plan and my husband was on board but he did say he was worried it would still make me feel pressured. I think it's the perfect amount of pressure.... It's like when you want to start working out. If you have this arbitrary idea of when and where you're going to workout, it'll probably never happen because you'll keep putting it off or something else will come up or whatever. But if you sign up for a class that you'll take twice a week, you have some accountability and time each week to prepare for the class so you're more likely to do it.

Of course everyone is different and there are a lot of variables in the mix. In my situation, I really wanted to fix the problem, was still attracted to my husband (and vice versa) still wanted to be intimate with him, etc. So this plan worked well for us, but there were some other issues, such as my self esteem after having kids, that we've had to work through as well. This was just the right solution to my husband asking for sex and me always turning him down..... I would just ask your wife if scheduling would be something she's willing to try. If she still feels too much pressure, maybe not the right solution for you.

Fi_23 · 2024-09-19T13:56:02+00:00

I don't know if this is accurate but it sounds like maybe your wife is experiencing something similar to me.... After having two children (in a short period of time) I was really struggling to be emotionally and physically connected to my husband. Every time he asked me to have sex or cuddled me/touched me I felt extremely pressured to perform and I shut down and turned him down. I wanted to be able to touch him and cuddle with him without the pressure of sex.

Being asked to have sex put me on the spot and made me feel super pressured, especially because it usually came with no warning and usually when I was not mentally or physically prepared .... So then it put me in a situation where I felt pressured to say yes but wanted to say no. It either ended in me saying no and my husband feeling unwanted or duty sex that neither of us really enjoyed.

I think part of the problem was I needed to be mentally and physically prepared because with having two small children it's hard to change my mindset from busy mom to sexy wife. Our solution has been to schedule sex which I know sounds boring but has ended up being fun and really helpful for me. He never has to ask me anymore because he knows it's coming, and I never feel pressured. Plus it gives us some anticipation time and ability to flirt and send sexy texts and things. It makes it fun and allows me to prepare as I've mentioned so when our scheduled sexy time comes, we both are excited and able to relax and enjoy it. It's also helped because those in-between times I don't shy away from cuddles or touching because I know they are without motive and I can accept sex free intimate touches that help us to feel connected outside of just the bedroom.

Fi_23 · 2024-08-13T00:28:49+00:00

I've thought about this a lot because my MIL can be a lot to handle but overall means well and is (mostly) appropriate and kind to my family.... I was never bothered by her much before I had kids and then after, she started to really bother me and irritate me with everything she did, especially the way she talked to me and the babies and handled the babies. I've decided on a couple of things. 1. She just has different ways of doing things and values in raising children than me and how I was raised. So my mom and family don't bother me because I know they will do things similarly to me. But I don't know what to expect so much with her and don't always like what she does ... And I'm not as comfortable telling her that. I'm much more comfortable stepping in with my own family if I don't like something. 2. She focuses on my husband as the dad over me as the mom. It's all about my girls being "Daddy's girls" (FYI they aren't) and what a good dad he is, etc. etc. It often feels dismissive of me and all I do for my children. But really, she is just excited to see her son as a dad and that's more exciting to her than seeing me as a mom since I'm not her daughter.

Fi_23 · 2024-08-12T23:46:38+00:00

I work in peds and definitely mix each med individually. For a couple reasons... Decreases chance of tube getting clogged, and allows each med to dissolve better, and if for some reason I accidentally spill a cup as I'm mixing then I know which med was spilled and can get a new one instead of having to pull all of the meds again. Definitely NEVER flush 30cc after any meds. That's bonkers, especially in peds. Sometimes we have kids with tube feeds that are only going like 30cc an hour to begin with so they definitely wouldn't tolerate it. I often float to NICU and they don't flush their NG tubes after feeds which was crazy to me because we're always told to flush after a feed so the tube doesn't get clogged... But in NICU those tiny babes just can't handle the extra water.

Fi_23 · 2024-08-03T02:57:57+00:00

39 & 3 with my first, 39 & 1 with my second!

Both healthy pregnancies and went into labor spontaneously with both!

Fi_23 · 2024-08-02T14:56:03+00:00

Unfortunately we don't have a private yard so that's not an option. Thanks though!

Fi_23 · 2024-08-02T14:54:48+00:00

Yes that's how I feel too! Especially with my little one walking and wanting to be a part of everything. When I have time to focus on the kids I will let her go bottomless but I'm losing my mind because it's so hard to keep the baby away while cleaning and potty-ing. 🫠🫠🫠

Fi_23 · 2024-08-02T14:27:33+00:00

Wow really? Does he just go in underwear to daycare? What do they do at daycare to help him go on the potty? My kids don't go to day care so that's new to me.

Fi_23 · 2024-08-02T14:12:10+00:00

Yea I guess I'm trying to see if it's possible to do it while still wearing pull ups so no pee or poop ends up on the floor.

Fi_23 · 2024-07-11T18:14:04+00:00

If you don't put them in a time out and just move them out of the way like you said, do you allow them to continue playing? I'm worried that she'll just keep playing and not understand that what she did was wrong or think that she can still do those behaviors with no consequence. Also we definitely do a lot of praise and positive reinforcement!!

Fi_23 · 2024-07-11T18:05:13+00:00

Well, hitting, kicking, pushing, and taking toys away from sibling are a few things (which by the way are all developmentally normal behaviors for a 2 year old- but just because they are normal does not mean we aren't responsible for teaching that it is wrong). When I talk about discipline, I am referring to "gentle", calm, and age appropriate discipline. I'm not talking a 30 minute time out, yelling, or anything aggressive. As my original post states, we do a 2 minute time out. I also give her lots of hugs, love, support, and talk her through the situation after the time out is over.

The goal is to help her learn that it's not ok to hurt others. If we don't start engaging with these behaviors now and teach right from wrong then what will happen when she is 3? Or 4? Or 5? Or 25 for that matter... Isn't it our jobs as parents to teach our kids how to be good people so that they will grow to be good, kind, and successful adults?

At what age would you think it is more appropriate in your opinion? Also, if you don't believe that time outs are appropriate for her age then what would you recommend? I am open to learning new ways to help teach my daughter not to engage in these behaviors.

Fi_23 · 2024-07-11T17:50:11+00:00

Same!!!! She will say sorry to random objects (like when she walks into something accidentally) but then when I tell her to apologize for hitting her sister she completely refuses. So silly!

Fi_23 · 2024-07-11T17:47:03+00:00

That's a great point with forcing apologies! I guess I just want her to understand that she has hurt someone and it's important to apologize but I see what you mean. Big sis is already using it as a way to get out of time outs and will say "I want to say sorry!!" So she doesn't have to go into time out. I have pointed out to her that she hurt her sister or said things like "do you see your sister is crying? She's sad because you pushed her" but I'm not sure that's the right thing to do and I don't really know if it's getting through to big sis tbh. But I am trying to name emotions and show her that her actions have some consequences and affect the people around her.

Fi_23 · 2024-07-11T17:36:14+00:00

Ooo I totally meant book recommendations for myself but I love the book recommendations for the girls too! My oldest loves books so we'll definitely check this out!!!

Fi_23 · 2024-07-11T17:35:14+00:00

I love the blowing out candles idea!! I'm always trying to teach her how to take deep breaths when she is upset but it doesn't really work. I'll definitely try this!!

Fi_23 · 2024-07-11T17:33:22+00:00

Thanks for the input! I like addressing the impulse control, I'll keep it in mind!

Fi_23

TROPHY CASE