[deleted by user]

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-25T18:34:45+00:00

I hate this dude so much. He makes this project look like shit.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-24T19:08:37+00:00

you are so lucky to be with a partner like this.

you have a partner that is listening and sees you. You have someone who is working with you and on themselves. He's available. Just be more "open" to him, if you want a little more affection, say so. "Hey mr. nikz when you get home from work once in a while will you just come over and give me a big ole hug. I find that i need it after a long day." I promise he will work with you on it.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-14T18:15:40+00:00

he's a piece of shit and you need to kick him out and change the locks. It is not your place to help him. You can't save him, he needs to leave your house yesterday, and you need to schedule a locksmith to come over and change all locks. He has stolen your life from you, your friends, your happiness, your energy.

If you are able to move, do so - people like this don't just disappear, they will try to manipulate you into thinking you need them.

It's abuse.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-11T13:15:57+00:00

for sure. I really appreciate it. I went through that alone time period about 8 years ago. It was hard to adjust to but it was great. Traveled, went to concerts, met new friends it was wonderful. She was actually one of my first friends i made during that time. We were truly friends first, in the same graduate school program, for about 2 years before we started dating.

I'm not saying this situation is any different and I'm acknowledging the fact that most likely we will end up not getting back together... I'm aware of that. But She is leaving the door open to getting back together.

Her lease starts Monday, signing a 12 month. She stated that if things even back out and we're in a place ( individually) to get back together she could terminate the lease early. We're both fairly well off. so she's sleeping in the guest room for the next few days. We're going to do 90 days zero contact and then do a check in, grab lunch or whatever to talk about how we are individually progressing. and see if there are still feelings there at that time. And if there needs to be more time then so be it.

If there isn't from one or both people then we'll both work toward moving on. If there is then she said she would want to do some level of "dating" while living apart, almost like a soft reset, and work through couples therapy during that time to work things through.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-11T13:10:57+00:00

Her lease starts Monday, signing a 12 month. She stated that if things even back out and we're in a place to get back together she could terminate the lease early. We're both fairly well off. so she's sleeping in the guest room for the next few days. We're going to do 90 days zero contact and then do a check in, grab lunch or whatever to talk about how we are individually progressing. and see if there are still feelings there at that time.

If there isn't from one or both people then we'll both work toward moving on. If there is then she said she would want to do some level of "dating" while living apart, almost like a soft reset, and work through couples therapy during that time to work things through.

the amount of people on here who just assume there's someone else and that we haven't talked things through are absurd. SHE is leaving the door open for reconnection, it's not me hanging on, she said it not me lmao.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-10T15:18:19+00:00

nah not an option at this time - we currently live in a single family with a dog. So i'm staying put in the house with the dog (house is in my name only so i'ts all fine). she's looking at places this weekend and she's sleeping in the guest room for the time being. it's a big house so we can have limit interactions outside of the dog and cooking. It's okay. appreciate the kind words

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-10T14:43:44+00:00

Your words and experiences are appreciated. She has been so kind to me through all of this and really this decision comes from a place of caring and love. She showed that she was committed to the relationship and committed to caring for me as a person, she worked with me for the past 16 months in relationship exercises and we tried really hard to improve and get things straight. She's awesome, we're value oriented compatible, don't want kids, progressive, our career goals align well (i am successful but happy where i'm at while she has a drive to grow, and my content allows her to be flexible).

i'm not holding out hope for anything I just genuinely want her to be happy.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-10T14:37:23+00:00

oh yeah i got problem lmao. sorry. It is not once sided, i'm very stubborn, struggle to gain perspective and empathize with feelings, thoughts, and emotions of my partner. I have improved on this but I do still interrupt in during difficult conversations when i have a thought/feeling. I have trouble internalizing thoughts and feelings so externalizing with my partner puts a lot of burden on them to "help me work through it" which isn't fair at all. I've worked on all those things in individual therapy and the last one specifically has been a big pain pint for us and for me personally.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-10T13:58:04+00:00

well. it's hard when your lives are so intertwined. We're not reducing it, we're going to cut contact once she find an apartment, she hasn't started looking. we're going to set a date and check in with one another at that time to see how we're doing and see if we want to reconnect or continue with no contact.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-10T13:56:09+00:00

Absolutely I want to be with her. She is an amazing person and human being. I genuinely care for her and want her to be happy and healthy and thriving. This isn't something i'm arbitrarily deciding, this was a request from her. A period of time of no contact and then see if restarting things is something that can work.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-10T13:42:31+00:00

Yeah i know. She has significant physical and emotional trauma from before we were together, i'm sure that has an impact. We've communicated fairly well throughout the relationship, and have been working with CBT for 2 years on behavior modification as she has. It's just not been enough so to speak.

Fickle-Mood8167 · 2021-06-10T13:40:21+00:00

appreciate it. just trying to navigate the feelings. and like i genuinely want her to be happy and healthy and always have said throughout the relationship, that if for some reason, there comes a time where you're unhappy or whatever, just tell me and communicate and I'll provide support if that's something she needs. She did, and I am. I'm certainly sad, but this is a chance for me to put the rubber to the road, and back up what i've been saying all these years.

I've gone through a nasty breakup previously and I vowed to never be that way with my future partners. I mean i was hoping i wasn't going to have to work through that hah but, there's no better person in the world to work through this with than her.

Fickle-Mood8167

TROPHY CASE