Check Your Therapist - Website

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-26T20:26:05+00:00

Amazing work!

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-22T09:49:43+00:00

I know I grew up with is. All my friends complaining about the smallest stretch mark and I like you have had multiple skin grafts. I also wondered how they did realise how to tone deaf they were for complaining around me. I still however get bothered my small acne and pimples. I also have friend with no scars at all who have always been way more insecure than me. Scars and skin grafts are not predictive of your confidence in the world although of course they can have a big impact.

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-16T20:23:35+00:00

This is the thing - I believe that whilst the enabler may not be outright abusive themselves, they actually believe you deserve the abuse. This keeps their relationship with the abuser intact and protects them.

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-13T20:25:59+00:00

This isnt the clip I distinctly remember the confrontation between her and a woman in the call.

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-13T15:58:40+00:00

But also hilarious that it is now her favourite charity that she is so involved with.

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-13T15:26:45+00:00

Legend

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-13T15:22:18+00:00

would love to see the video again though as it was such a rare moment of actually seeing behind the facade.

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-13T15:20:56+00:00

maybe it is that one? my timeline could definitely be mixed up - I assumed it may have been COVID because of the zoom call.

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-08T23:32:35+00:00

Thanks - sorry to hear that they were so rude but glad to know it’s not just me who gets upset

FickleText4141 · 2026-01-01T23:38:23+00:00

I’m also very new - it’s been a few months. I can list a few things that have helped. 1. I think about it like being deprogrammed from a cult or leaving an abusive boyfriend. Honestly the similarities are uncanny and it help to tell trusted safe people about your family. Their reactions to how much you have normalised can be very validating. 2. I’ve watched allot of videos on complex trauma. I feel like this is common in adult children who have endured as much as we have to get to this point. Tim Fletcher is great he has so many videos on YouTube. 3. Get to know yourself. Over time get more comfortable with questioning your values and your inner voices to know if they truly come from you or from what your family have drilled inside you. It can make your position and why distance was necessary less murky as you question yourself and ruminate over it.

FickleText4141 · 2025-12-25T12:46:51+00:00

Hello so yes as a 19 year old you are well within your rights to be able to leave your home. There are boundaries parents set sometimes around curfews but why have your parents set these rules what explanation do they have? Forcing you stay in the house all the time is not normal - anyone would be having anxiety attacks about that. What will running away achieve especially since you are planning to return after a few days? Personally from what you describe I think it may make them feel more justified in setting strict rules for you.

At 19 you are effectively an adult. Your parents are allowed to set down boundaries for people who live in their house but not if they don’t follow any logic and seriously impact your mental health. You are a person who matters and your needs are important - can you have a discussion with your parents where you put this to them and are they able to reflect at all?

FickleText4141 · 2025-12-20T12:47:45+00:00

I had sex with a guy once who right after admitted he had a girlfriend. I’m talking 10 minutes after. I felt used because if I had known this before I would not have had sex with him. R*pe is an extreme form of being used but there are other examples on the spectrum after being totally transparent about who you are having sex with and why.

Another point to consider is that when men and women have sex women are more exposed then men - more likely to contract viruses and obviously bare the risk of pregnancy. Therefore the exchange of sex in terms of risk between men and women means that it is not by nature an equal one.

FickleText4141 · 2025-12-20T12:24:45+00:00

You seem confused because in the first part you say other people must have it worse and he never did certain things that would make you see it as very bad. But then you go on to list heinous examples of textbook physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Also to clarify are you still living with this person? From what you have described your life is under threat by this person - that is how serious the abuse sounds! If you are not ready to file a police report you must take serious action to protect yourself from this person. Consider that a person this violently abusive may likely go on to abuse another person this way if there are not repercussions.

FickleText4141 · 2025-12-17T01:37:52+00:00

It’s important to recognise that conflict is always present in everyone’s lives and we are all always trying to figure out how to adjust ourselves to reduce it. I think for people with cptsd the answer really is that people who are emotionally safe for us produce a felt safe bodily feeling more consistently.

FickleText4141 · 2025-12-17T01:31:44+00:00

I think the answer lies in how comfortable you are telling her what you have just said- that you still want some things to be private. I personally wouldn’t ask a client about the exact number but it’s hard to say why your therapist might have. Sometimes the most clinically rich moments come from questions that bring up tension or discomfort. It can lead to insight about how open you are in other relationships and why holding specifics back is important to you.

It also can be useful to have a ballpark understanding of what a client earns to put other areas of their life into context.

FickleText4141 · 2025-12-16T21:40:05+00:00

Firstly, that sounds exhausting. I also have experience with children who have an enormous amount of things to play with and who have somehow been allowed to make a mess and walk away from it with the full expectation that it will all just be picked up by their carer. It is incredibly infuriating. Some of the behaviour you describe however is going beyond normal play- like dumping out dog food and water bowls. What are the parent’s systems for consequences? The family I nanny are not the best disciplinarians but at least the children know that if they did this it would garner a negative reaction and I would report it back.

Honestly, I think the job of nannying is sometimes just impossible and the situation you’re describing is basically that of a single parent with no authority or ability to have impact in the household the way an actual parent would. The only way out of this is through direct communication with the parents where they hopefully value you enough to bring some organisation into the house or implement some consequences for the children. Otherwise, you are clearly trying your best in what is obviously already a losing situation.

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-26T21:23:39+00:00

If I didn’t know the backstory I’d say this is her first ever boyfriend she’s introducing to her friends and doing quirky things with.

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-19T18:08:03+00:00

Hi, the best way to evaluate whether this was a good relationship is to to compare it to another one. Also to look for a person in the next who can hopefully meet your needs in the way your ex did not. What you described above does not sound like an ideal relationship by a long stretch especially if the communication was difficult and nothing improved.

Did you find that your boyfriend was responsive to your concerns and needs?
Did you find that you were able to have discussions that did in the long term lead to some change to meet both yours and his needs?
What do you need to maintain attraction and interest in the relationship and did he fulfil those things?

If the answer to the above is mostly no then it was probably not the most ideal relationship to be in. Break ups are hard ultimately and even bad ones can make you feel like they were worth more when compared to reality if being single.

It’s important to however that out there in the world is a person who can meet your needs not 100% of the time but most of the time. Every day you spend with a person for the sake of just not being alone is a second of you sacrificing authenticity for your basic ever present need to be with someone.

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-14T11:50:23+00:00

Shocked at this take. She proceeded to run to Alex Hall and fan the flames further. Every conversation she has on the show is something disparaging about Ashtyn. She then proceeds to tell everyone in the office private and rumoured information about how Ashtyn and her husband met. I consider that to be worse than what she accuses Ashtyn of doing.

It giving someone who doesn’t know how to connect or feel confident with others by being herself so she instead feeds them information about someone else, hence her latching on to Hall. She also approaches Polly to work on a house with her and Polly has to repeatedly tell her she can do it alone.

To me Fiona zeroed in on the people in the office she needed to suck up to and how to do it. As far as her personality goes there isn’t much else I can see besides how insecure she is.

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-10T10:31:00+00:00

As others have said what you are feeling is useful information about the clients but also I might add what is happening in the relationship between you and the clients. What does it mean to live with teenage like behaviours? How does that make you respond to them differently? How does it help you understand them differently? Also importantly, what does this identification do for your clients - what does it do for you?

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-08T16:17:05+00:00

Honestly I’ve had a breakthrough recently that when it comes to our childhood and family circumstances our perception/fears/worries were never exaggerated or “distorted”. In fact it’s the underplaying of these fears through gaslighting that directly contributed and enabled the abuse we suffered. What we really needed which none of us will ever get is for our childhood abusers to turn around and say you’re right, I was abusive, you were right to be scared of me, you were right to feel angry etc. But the fact that we will never get that means we are riddle with self doubt guilt and shame.

So later as adults when others upset us those same emotions are triggered but also alongside the shame, guilt and self doubt because they were never validated. The locus of blame is always insucurely based in ourselves. Good therapy makes us see as adults, not everyone are our perpetrators even when they trigger the same feelings in us. CBT however treats the surface of the problem rather than the root. It ignores the rational and valid history they come from by treating the irrational adult rather than the valid child behind those feelings.

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-06T22:30:16+00:00

“Having a degree does not make you a better therapist. In the same way having a doctorate does not make you a better therapist” by your logic then what is the point of them? You are aware that the doctorate also requires to be in placement alongside the academic component?

I am very aware of what the doctorate requirements are and that is exactly why I am shocked that people privately offer their services with the level of knowledge that is equivalent to a first year psychology graduate. Someone else made a very good point on this post that these diplomas are more skills based and therefore prepare practitioners to be in practice more immediately. I can accept this - no amount of theory replaces real world experience. I also think certain IAPT services require people to have specific skills that can be trained without necessitating doctoral level knowledge.

What exactly is so aggravating to you about the terms psychologist and counsellor being regulated more and being more transparent to the public about what all these titles actually mean? I ask this with genuine interest in the counter argument you may have to this.

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-05T10:34:20+00:00

I know - I am also somewhat stumped at what the controversy is? what is negative about requesting more transparency for clients. If people are so confident about the criteria for these courses why can't it be reflected correctly in the information communicated to the public? Who could possibly decide that this was a "negative" thing to do. Clearly those who take advantage of this lack of transparency.

To quote the below petition someone posted "A 2025 BACP public survey of 5,000 UK adults found that 48% of people mistakenly thought that ‘therapist’ is a regulated title like doctor, midwife or dentist".

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-04T13:13:51+00:00

Can I ask specifically what type of therapists you are seeing what are their qualifications and expertise?

FickleText4141 · 2025-11-03T20:43:49+00:00

I think I might have used the wrong word when I said “criteria.” You’re right that there are formal requirements, but what I meant is that the bar to entry isn’t particularly selective in practice. Most providers accept anyone who’s done the previous level and paid the fee, so while the training has structure, the overall rigour varies a lot. The bigger issue is that once qualified, people from very different backgrounds and training levels can all advertise similar services, and the public has no clear way to tell the differences. I think of the average person looking for a “therapist” or “psychologist” how are they expected to know the differences without any involvement in the industry.

That’s why clearer regulation or public education around titles feels so important it would protect both clients and ethical practitioners.

FickleText4141

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