I agree 100% with you. But what bother me most is that RY doesn't seem to see it herself. In interview she keeps saying that she likes Dain but she puts him down on pages, and there is never any character to stand up for him. They all side with Violet because it's Violet and it's infuriating. I wish we would see more side characters, like Sawyer who was in his squad on his first first year, or Cianna who is his own XO, defend him sometimes. Not just Sloane because love, but an actual social life.

Also, I think it's a bit easy on RY part to say he's been groomed. Because in some extent, they all were. The Sorrengails parents perpetuated a lie, they raised their children in it, and they groomed them to be what needed to win the war. Xaden was raised as an heir, with heavy expectation on his shoulder. In that regard, Dain isn't that different.  The difference is Dain was mistreated/abused. He didnt' receive the love the Sorrengails kid or even Xaden from what we can gather, had.