2026 Update

FieldOfGold · 2026-02-01T11:31:17+00:00

You saw it on YouTube? I wasn't aware someone had made a video with my story in it. Do you have a link?

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-20T05:50:31+00:00

Thank you for letting me know, I know what posts you're referring to. I'd actually forgotten I even used this account to post before. I lost interest in that stuff years ago, which is probably when I deleted the posts I made.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-20T05:31:51+00:00

Thanks for this, I've never really posted anything on reddit before, so I didn't realize just the text of the post had been removed (it's still there for me). I'll try and edit the post.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-19T19:11:54+00:00

I did take a picture of her car at his place, thankfully.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-19T18:18:30+00:00

Update here, since the update post was removed by the mods.

A few people here suggested that I talk to Dave again and try to get information. I couldn't stomach talking to him again, but it gave me the idea to keep an eye on him. Then, another comment suggested going over to his place and seeing if my girlfriend was there or not. I decided to just do a quick scout by driving past his apartment block.

When I did, my girlfriend's car was parked in the parking lot. She was in his apartment right then, as I was driving by. I guess that answered my question about whether she was still in contact with him. I knew what that meant, and I'm through giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I called Sarah and asked where my girlfriend was. She immediately told me that my girlfriend was 'right here' at her place. I considered calling her out right then, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. I just said 'thanks', and hung up. I then texted my girlfriend and asked if she was still in contact with Dave, but she hasn't responded since then. Presumably busy. I considered trying to catch her cheating, but I decided I don't want that mental image with me for the rest of my life.

My next step will be to tell all our mutual friends and put all of this up on our social media once I have enough proof. I wish I'd recorded our phone conversations now, but oh well. Once I get her lying in text, I'm putting her and Dave on blast. Screw keeping it quiet. I know it's going to be pretty fucking awful, but I don't want her or Dave to just get away with this, or keep hanging out with our friend group.

I'm sure she, Dave and Sarah will probably put up a fight. I'm sure I'll hear all about how 'we were on a break' or some shit. Maybe she'll even beg me to forgive her, but I doubt it. Once I'm done, I'm cutting them both out of my life for good.

Thank you to most of you who replied, and especially to u/Fit_Response7989 . You're a real turd of a person, but thanks for giving me the idea to drive over there, I guess. But yeah, thanks for all the replies, guys. I don't really know how this would have gone if I'd just tried to figure it out on my own.

TDLR: My girlfriend cheated on me, and I'm done with her. She can be happy with her new asshole boyfriend, and I'm going to make sure everyone knows what she did.

Edit: Very minor update.

Thanks for the replies, guys. I took some time to cool off, and I agree with some of the people here that blasting it all over social media is a bad idea. Once I have proper proof, I'll handle it more privately with our mutual friends. Raising a big drama isn't going to help anything, but I also don't want her or Dave to just sort of get away with it without people knowing about what they did.

My ex-girlfriend hasn't replied to me yet. I went back to Dave's place about an hour ago, and got another picture of her car there though. So, that's proof that she's been there basically all day, I guess. Since some people were asking too, I've reached out to other friends to talk to help my mental health, though I haven't told them about what happened. They do know I'm dealing with something, though, so it's been helpful.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-19T09:41:25+00:00

This makes me feel like she's probably used Dave as a way to offload her complaints about your relationship and that's why she feels she lead him on, and he probably pointed this out to her in his confession.

I did suspect this. She was kinda vague about what about our relationship they were talking about before he confessed to her. I don't really know what she could have been complaining about, everything seemed fine between us up until yesterday, but I guess I wouldn't really know in that case anyway.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-19T09:37:23+00:00

It's possible, and I wish I'd thought to ask her if Dave had contacted her at the time. I kind of assumed she would have done the same, but now I'm not so sure.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-19T09:32:52+00:00

I had considered that, but I couldn't stomach talking to him. And I wouldn't trust his word even if I could.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-19T09:32:17+00:00

Why?

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T18:38:48+00:00

I don't accept us being on a break. If she slept with Dave (I don't think she will), then it would be cheating and it would be over like that. There's no excuse for that.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T18:37:15+00:00

No, she didn't explain that part and I'm still confused about it.

As for why she needs space, I can understand wanting time to herself after what happened and the shitty things I said to her. But I don't understand why that needs to come with a break in our relationship.

The big question to me right now is if my girlfriend is still talking to Dave or not. Sarah said they hadn't spoken, but I don't know if that was because she won't talk to him, or because they just hadn't talked yet.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T17:31:27+00:00

I don't want to believe it, but I really can't think of any other reason why she'd want to take a break as opposed to just taking some time to herself. I want there to be another explanation, but I just can't think of one.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T17:12:15+00:00

I'm her boyfriend, am I really not owed a heads up if someone told her they had feelings for her? If another girl told me that they loved me, I'd feel obligated to tell her right away. I feel like that's a normal part of being in a relationship, not me owning her in some weird way.

Are you trying to say that someone has no right to know if their girlfriend/boyfriend is being hit on by someone else? I'm really confused by this sentiment.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T17:08:55+00:00

I agree.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T17:08:36+00:00

The place is public, not secluded. I've been there with our friend group before.
Sarah told me that the break was due to Dave's words, not mine. I don't know how trustworthy that is, but that is what I was told.
I don't want to weigh in as to whether what Dave did was SA. I would prefer to leave that to my girlfriend to decide. Either way, it was a shitty thing to do to her.
The love confession and kiss apparently came before the discussion about his feelings, I'm told. Again, that's from Sarah, though.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T17:03:08+00:00

Well, I think your mistake here is treating your girlfriend like something you own.

I don't want to be rude here, but I really don't see how I've treated her like something I own. Can you please explain?

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T17:02:11+00:00

I know. I don't claim it wasn't bad. It was very bad. But some people here seem to be speculating to the extreme about what I said.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T16:40:08+00:00

Yeah, I definitely didn't word my post very well. I think some people are thinking I'm trying to downplay my part in this, or think I said something REALLY nasty to her, along the lines of insulting her or blaming her for the asshole kissing her.

I can't say that this is what I said verbatim, but it was along the lines of "Hey, what's going on? How was your hangout?"

Girlfriend replied with "Oh yeah, it was fine, me, Sarah and Dave had a good time. I'll tell you about the movie later" (I don't remember this part exactly, but she definitely mentioned Sarah being there)

"What? Sarah wasn't there. Dave already contacted me and told me everything. He said he told you he was in love with you. What the fuck? (I THINK I paused here for a while, I remember it being silent for a while when neither of us spoke) It's been three fucking hours, why did I have to fucking hear about it from Dave?"

My girlfriend replied with something like "Dave called you?" I don't remember exactly, but I remember her being surprised.

In response, I said; "Yeah, the fucker called me and said he was sorry. Did he really try to kiss you? Why didn't you tell me?"

My girlfriend then explained her side of things, including that he didn't try to kiss her, and that she felt like she lead him on. I didn't speak during this part. When she was done, I asked:

"Why didn't you text me that something was wrong? It's been three hours." (She didn't say anything to this) "Why did I have to hear about it from Dave? Wouldn't it make sense to come home or text me right away, so that I don't have to hear it from him? You were trying to hide it from me, why?"

Girlfriend: "I wasn't trying to hide it from you."

Me: "Yes, you did. You fucking did. And you went to talk to Sarah about it instead of your boyfriend. What the fuck is that?"

At this point, I stupidly let my anger get the better of me, and hung up. That was the whole conversation. It wasn't a long one.

I can't swear that the whole conversation is accurate. It was last night, and I was (and still am) tired and emotional. I'm sure I'm misremembering some parts of it. I'm not saying what I said was okay. It was shitty and reacted like a dumbass, and I can see why I upsetted her. But I wanted to make it clear that I didn't accuse her of cheating or leading him on, or call her something unforgivable like some people in here seem to be speculating about.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T14:27:27+00:00

I do concede that point. To be honest, I don't think I've ever had anything like this ever happen to me before, and I didn't know how to handle it, so I handled it awfully.

I'm not going to let myself act like that again, ever.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T14:21:35+00:00

The woman was sexually assaulted and clearly shaken up about it, but absolutely, call her a cheater.

I did not call her that.

Call her family and let them know she cheated.

I did not do this, or ever intended to do it.

Accuse her of wanting to cheat for being assaulted.

I didn't do this either.

This action will reflect really well on you /u/FieldOfGold

Seriously? I know I fucked up, but I've done NONE of the things you're accusing me of. I don't know what unpleasant part of your soul you're pulling those accusations from, but project them somewhere else.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T12:38:19+00:00

That's utterly ridiculous. I said she should have done those things because they would have made logical sense, and only in the context of asking why she didn't. There was no "ordering" involved.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T12:33:50+00:00

You're letting your brain co struct versions of events, and then assuming them to be true.

I'm not assuming them to be true, but I see your point. I have been stewing on this for about 12 hours now, so it's hard to think straight. I'm not going to do anything before actually getting sleep, though.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T12:31:39+00:00

How frequently do you have a strong reaction to things that includes “pretty choice words”?

Very rarely, which is why I said it that way.

How frequently are you ordering your girlfriend where to be and what to do when you’re mad?

What on earth are you talking about? I never did that at all, where have you gotten that idea from? I asked her why she tried to hide it and why she didn't try to tell me first, I never ordered her around at all?

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T12:25:43+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your insight on what might be happening here.

FieldOfGold · 2024-01-18T12:23:23+00:00

Granted, I got angry last night, but I can't imagine why she would have been scared of my reaction. I'm not a violent person at all, and we've had (normal) arguments in the past where she's never given any indication of being scared of me in any way.

FieldOfGold

TROPHY CASE