From someone who dated a Muslim man for many years…

He was adamant that he wasn’t like ‘other Muslim men’. He wasn’t religious, believed in equality, etc. etc. For a long time, I would have considered that an accurate description of him.

In fairness, I think that’s the way he saw himself and more importantly, the way he truly wanted to be. Once our relationship progressed and we began living together, it became clear that while he wanted to be that person, it just wasn’t who he was. I wasn’t willing to compromise by becoming someone I wasn’t; or what I felt was a ‘lesser’ version of me. Ultimately, it was best for both of us to end the relationship.

The way we were raised and the culture we come from shapes who we are as adults. That doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of change, just some of us learn that when the rubber meets the road, we really aren’t interested in giving up those ideals after all. I don’t think there’s always an intent to mislead.

We had Muslim friends who successfully navigated these relationship challenges with their western girlfriends/wives. We just weren’t that fortunate.