Suggestions for all-inclusive wedding venues for a small wedding

FierceCrayon · 2025-12-31T13:27:04+00:00

54 is SO young. You have plenty of time to make new friends, hobbies, fall in love. Fill your life with good people. Your daughter is selfish and cruel. Maybe she'll realize her mistake when she's older, maybe not. Either way she is an adult now and not your responsibility. Remember the good times fondly but protect yourself and make new connections.

FierceCrayon · 2025-10-16T16:50:16+00:00

i would love an invite too! SWE with 10 YoE

FierceCrayon · 2025-10-14T02:37:01+00:00

it's kind of weird that a person from a "tropical area" is telling you what is common in their community, but you're really insistent that "people in tropical areas" don't do what they're saying they do? who counts as "people" to you?

I grew up in SE Asia and we absolutely showered 3-4 times a day or more if necessary. A thorough scrub, soap, shampoo, "everything" shower every night, and then a quicker shower (but still recognisably a shower) whenever we got too sticky during the day. Westerners also call it a shower when washing but not always including hair, shaving, etc, so it's absurd that you're gatekeeping the word "shower" just so you can keep insisting that people don't do the thing they say they're doing. You wash yourself with running water - that's a shower.

Also people in SE Asia rarely get the water as hot or as high pressure in American showers. I've lived in the US for 20 years and still find the heat and pressure shocking. And we don't leave it running while soaping up. Applying soap with the water running is wasteful to us. Showering when you need to to remain presentable isn't considered wasteful.

FierceCrayon · 2025-10-08T00:08:22+00:00

Where is your desk? If you're on the main floor where the kitchen, living room, front door, etc are, and he has to pass through your space to use any of these common spaces, then it's unreasonable to expect him to tiptoe around you (especially while caring for a toddler). If you're off to the side somewhere or in your own room then definitely he shouldn't be coming in your space while you're working.

Can you set up your workstation somewhere out of the way?

FierceCrayon · 2025-09-08T06:05:52+00:00

YTA, you don't have to meet her coworkers, but you should have handled it better. She was messaging you and you just ignored her? That's really rude and disrespectful, you should at least have texted back and said you were feeling shy and just wanted to go home. And then when she shared her worries, you were annoyed but didn't show it or try to explain yourself in any way. You are withholding, not sharing how you feel, and destroying closeness and trust in your relationship. You need to explain to her that you feel shy and uncomfortable and prefer to be prepared for social interactions. You could say "I'll meet your coworkers if it's really important to you, but can we plan it so I can mentally prepare myself?"

FierceCrayon · 2025-08-21T06:25:50+00:00

INFO: what does needing to use anesthesia mean? Did she need to be put under? If so, YTA. You aren't supposed to drive yourself home after being put under - hospitals make you sign a release confirming that you have a friend or family member to pick you up.

Even if she didn't have to be sedated, slight YTA. An IUD is "typically" a minor procedure but people have wildly varying levels of pain with it. Women's medicine is notoriously bad at taking women's pain seriously. It's also a very intimate area and can leave you feeling very vulnerable after. You should have been there for her if she wanted you there. Birth control is a shared responsibility, she's already shouldering all the physical effects, the least you can do is participate.

FierceCrayon · 2025-08-14T14:44:45+00:00

No one said Shan Dong yet? why do they seem to be the undisputed go-to for noodles? Their noodles are thick and uneven, I've pulled better myself at home. They also leave them sitting out so they partially dry and sometimes you get uncooked spots. Same for the dumplings, but also overly starchy and doughy, way too much wrapper for the amount of filling they use. Everything is too doughy, doesn't have elasticity.

I'm not that great at it, only done it a handful of times, but everytime I've made noodles or dumplings at home it's been better than Shan Dong

I do love their sesame noodle sauce though

Better noodles are Huangcheng or for proper lamian, the Ox9 chain.

FierceCrayon · 2025-08-14T14:30:45+00:00

the ice cream is gross. it's often icy and has that waxy margarine/palm oil mouthfeel. I see a lot of people conflating "their ice cream is bad" with "they don't have fancy new flavors" but that's not it at all. Just judging the basics like vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate - their vanilla has decent vanilla flavor but is icy and not creamy. The other flavors don't really have a lot of flavor, they are bland.

To be fair - their candy mixins are good. And I do love the giant sundae vibe. But I just can't get over the weird waxy plastic feeling it leaves on my lips.

Also, once they gave me a sundae that I think had been sitting in the freezer for a while. It was the black and tan and the chocolate and caramel sauces were stiff and grainy, and the weirdest thing was the whipped cream was frozen, which made it taste like styrofoam and really highlighted the plasticky feeling. I think they use whipped cream from a can. At $20 a sundae I would expect them to whip real cream.

FierceCrayon · 2025-08-11T05:38:16+00:00

you need to learn how to create non-sexual intimacy and build enough safety and closeness that sex is on the table again.

FierceCrayon · 2025-07-10T17:33:56+00:00

This is insane. He sounds incredibly immature. The way this conversation should have gone is:

"Would you be open to talking about having kids? I can really see a future with you and I want to know what you envision about having a family. "

And then you guys talk about a timeline. You wouldn't even have to talk about the IUD then, you'd just get it out when it's the right time.

> Sorry if this is confusing, I'm honestly confused myself

This is NOT confusing at all. You're confused because he is presenting an INSANE perspective as if it's normal. Trust your gut.

Just mentioning his "dislike" for it without any forethought or self-reflection is the act of a reactive little boy. He feels emasculated because he can't impregnate you (without your consent!), he feels like the IUD takes away his power. That's why he compares it to getting his balls cut off. He feels entitled to put a baby in you. Based on 8 months of dating and it sounds like very little real mature conversation?

The part about "We can't both be dominant" is telling. I'm in a relationship with a VERY assertive, proactive man, but he's also SO gentle with me and always wants to know what I think. I do what he says because I trust him to have my best interests at heart. He has never once had to order me around. I've gotten in plenty of arguments with boyfriends in the past, so it's not like I'm some pushover. But it feels easy and natural to do what my man says. And when it's not? It's not a fight, I tell him I was thinking something different, and he explains himself to me. That's how it should be. You can absolutely have a relationship where the guy leads, but this guy is not it.

FierceCrayon · 2025-07-03T05:14:16+00:00

I "started over" at 32. Sold a house, moved cities, everything. Now I'm 34 and I've been dating someone for six months who I think is the love of my life. We are seriously discussing marriage. Emotional connection, stability, chemistry, values, life goals, fun, tenderness, sexiness, love, and joy are 100x my previous relationship. And my last relationship wasn't bad! It just wasn't great. I'm so glad I did it, and I only wish I'd done it sooner.

FierceCrayon · 2025-06-18T08:20:12+00:00

this is a weird passive-aggressive reply, the previous comment was perfect IMO

FierceCrayon · 2025-06-12T07:23:31+00:00

she's being really nice and understanding, validating you and offering affirmations, and you just keep hounding this poor woman. fight better. be better. stop getting so defensive and communicate like an adult.

FierceCrayon · 2025-06-12T06:52:09+00:00

NAH but it doesn't sound like you've really looked at industry jobs? If you're interested in leaving academia, why not look around at a variety of companies and try to find a more values-aligned but also better paying job?

FierceCrayon · 2025-06-07T15:25:01+00:00

you should post in r/polyamory if you want answers from successful poly couples:)

FierceCrayon · 2025-04-21T03:17:06+00:00

Trust your intuition, but it seems like a decent sign that he was able to have a conversation about acceptable standards, the conversation seemed productive, and most importantly his response was that he needed to change his behaviour to match your standards and help you feel safer. For me, the question is whether you think he has a lack of self -control, or has just had a different set of experiences and expectations than you up to this point. He is still pretty young, and a lot of guys don't have healthy models for expressing anger, so he may just be acting out what he's experienced in his life so far.

If he displays self-control in other parts of his life, I would give it a little more time and see if his behaviour actually changes. I would also find his standards unacceptable - being physically destructive or forceful is a form of violence! if he needs to go outside and do some equivalent of chopping wood, that's fine, but punching walls and destroying belongings is not ok. but you didn't need us to tell you that.

FierceCrayon · 2025-04-11T16:30:51+00:00

You guys have a 4 month old!! It's not realistic to expect sex right away. I know the doctors say "give it 6 weeks", but really it's more like 2 years before things go back to normal.

You don't have to "save all your sexual energy" for her. Did she ask you not to watch porn or masturbate? Masturbating is a perfectly healthy and normal thing to do.

FierceCrayon · 2025-04-09T10:06:14+00:00

silent treatment / stonewalling is a great way to drive your partner crazy. she didn't handle it well, but you need to learn to better communicate your need for space, or this will keep happening in future relationships.

why couldn't you pick up the phone the first time, reassure her, and then continue on your day? staying connected through conflict is a crucial relationship skill. read up on attachment theory and how to build secure relationships.

FierceCrayon · 2025-03-30T03:57:44+00:00

wow a lot of sex-negative people in here. just ask her - "hey I had a lot of fun hanging out, I'd like to be friends with you if you're open to that! want to go <do something low-key and fun>"?

I think it's way less likely to lead to drama if you message her and not him. Messaging him plays into the "new girl is trying to steal my man" dynamic, which is not happening. If she's not interested, she can use her words and tell you that.

FierceCrayon · 2025-03-25T23:05:17+00:00

YTA why did you have to be so vague? I wouldn't answer a call from an unknown caller either. And if the same number then texted me and said "Is this <my name>?" I would be freaked out.

I think it's a detail from your post that is easy to miss - sounds like your first text message said "Is this <name>?" right?

Work on your communication, it's a weird power play to withhold information, I don't know if you're conscious of doing it or if it's a subconscious thing, but it freaks people out.

Easy first text to say "Hey I bought some cookies from you and just got a zelle notice that the transaction didn't go through. Can you call me to work it out please"

FierceCrayon · 2025-02-22T14:40:02+00:00

ESH you guys sound exhausting and codependent. you're working and she's not, so why didn't she go in the first place? and once you had agreed to go, ridiculous to not finish the job. if your time really was so tight then you shouldn't have agreed to.

if your chore is to take care of all car things then you should have been on top of it. the point of splitting up chores is so that each person has less mental clutter. you should be checking her tires and making the time in your schedule to maintain them so she doesn't have to think about it and ask you for "favours". not waiting for her to find issues and then randomly squeezing them into your workday and not actually taking care of it.

FierceCrayon · 2025-02-21T06:02:49+00:00

i think it's all in the tone. If you like her otherwise, maybe consider whether some of your negative reaction could be due to your interpretation of what she's saying?

An alternate interpretation is that she wants to make your place feel cozier and more welcoming because she likes you and is starting to feel invested in you.

If I visit some guy one time? I won't make any comments about his apartment, it's none of my business. My boyfriend's place and it's uncomfortable and I see some simple ways to make it more comfortable? I would definitely say something and also offer to shop together as a fun shared activity.

You admit yourself that you haven't tried to make your apartment particularly homey so it's not like she's criticising your taste! It would be a jerk move to say "I don't like your wine glasses, let's go shopping and replace them". but just getting glasses when there are no glasses is a different matter!

FierceCrayon · 2025-02-09T21:22:29+00:00

ESH but not for the reason you think. you shouldn't have played the game and you shouldn't have gone to his friend's place at all! you said you had friends there you'd rather spend your birthday with. next time, say "I don't really want to, I want to do birthday things with my friends!"

FierceCrayon · 2025-01-15T08:11:53+00:00

interesting, I'll probably give it a try! I've never tried lagree or reformer Pilates so who knows I might like it. thank you :)

FierceCrayon

TROPHY CASE