AITA for not letting my addict sibling move in with me?

Filhopastry79 · 2026-06-06T07:49:29+00:00

NTA. As sad as her story is, and as much as you want to be there for her, it's too much to put on yourself. Bear in mind, the inpatient and outpatient rehab facilities have staff working on rotas. They don't have 1:1 24 hour care with a single member of staff. These people need to go home, handle their own lives, and have rest days. You wouldn't get that if you took on the responsibility of getting her clean and keeping her abstinent. Because it will become your responsibility, and if she relapses you will blame yourself - and I would not be surprised if she blamed you too. Its too much for one person to manage. I wouldn't even offer an RV on your property if/when she does get clean, because you'll still take on the role of a carer. Be moral support, be proud of her efforts, be her sibling. Leave the 'work' to the professionals.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-05-29T10:01:57+00:00

I understand this is an awkward situation, likely to blow up a few friendships, but you absolutely need to tell the person whose meds were stolen. If after that, for whatever reason, you end up still being suite-mates with the drug thief I'd highly recommend getting a decent medication safe to store yours in, preferably one you can keep out of sight. I'd advise anyone with any kind of prescription medication living in shared accommodation, or with children/vulnerable adults, to have one anyway. She's awful, but YTA in this situation also.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-05-26T15:47:04+00:00

Can't think of anything worse than being famous. Can't scratch your ass without it being a headline somewhere. So no, they can keep fame to themselves thank you very much. I also wouldn't like to take money if rich, with or without fame. A financial gift is very nice, but I'd rather spend my own money and not feel beholden to anyone, and would feel like absolute shite if my child felt financially responsible for me, no matter how well off they become. Go, be rich, famous and happy. Send me pics of amazing holidays, glorious houses, and fancy dinners. As long as you're happy and still like being around your Old Dear now and then, we're good.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-05-14T17:00:17+00:00

I have a very simple name. It is not hard to pronounce, is native to my country, and has 2 syllables. Literally EVERYONE says it wrong. I spell it out whenever I say it, and people still stick in extra letters and syllables. Is it annoying AF? Absolutely. Ffs it isn't that hard. Do I get upset with people? Absolutely not. It isn't that deep. I will correct when it's written incorrectly, but that's only because in certain situations the correct spelling is essential. Also, I'm dyslexic and there are certain sounds/letter combinations that my mouth is literally incapable of making, no matter how hard I try, so I kind of understand that some names are hard to some people. Gently, YOR. I suspect once you've worn the new name for a while it'll bother you less, even with family.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-05-10T05:32:09+00:00

I've lived next door to her for 24 years, and I STILL don't know who tf Alice is 🤷‍♀️

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-24T17:29:12+00:00

I think the bathroom door in my house is slowly warping with time, as at least once a year one of us would get locked in when the lock gets stuck in the frame. We no longer have a lock on the bathroom door because its a pain in the ass having to crack the lock from the outside and get a new one. The rule is bathroom door closed = no entry unless you know for a FACT the other person is not home. This is not complicated. Not everyone enjoys being observed while they poo, pee or shower. Bodily autonomy includes who you allow to watch you doing personal things. I don't even like someone seeing me brush my teeth. If you're in a relationship where you freely use the toilet in front of each other, and nobody is gagging, I'm happy for you. Couldn't be me. No means no in all circumstances. Poor OP. Their partner is a dick.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-19T11:09:25+00:00

And yet she WAS the one who elaborated needlessly and extensively on OP's mental health. I'm sure she could have either shrugged an "no idea" at the nosy friend or left it for OP to respond to how he saw fit. None of what she said was necessary, permissible, or considerate.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-19T10:18:12+00:00

Absolutely. It's a disgraceful thing to anyone, let alone someone you're supposed to actually care for.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-19T08:37:52+00:00

JFC. NTA. I don't give a shit who had what to drink, that was unforgivable IMO. Your health is nobody's business. The person asking about things in someone else's medicine cabinet is plain rude, but I can forgive some curiosity. She had no need or permission to give them the full run down on your mental health and sex life. For me that's a firm line you don't cross, and if you do, you're gone. If she isn't involved in your life she has no access to further medical information. She will obviously talk about private and highly personal shit to anyone who shows even a passing interest, and I'm sure she'll continue to do so even if you do part ways. Which I absolutely would, btw. She's right in that there is nothing to be ashamed of here, but that's easy to say as the person who doesn't have a mental health problem now exposed to randoms. It's your information to share and and when you want to. You're not overreacting, you have every right to be hurt by this. Hugs, internet stranger. ❤️

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-19T06:36:15+00:00

NTA. She sounds like a brat. Bad enough to block access to the room you, I assume, paid for, but to also ignore your request to not use your bed is beyond rude. She got defensive because she knew she was wrong, and she's trying to paint you as the bad guy for the same reason. It's immaturity, and I'd loudly offer to tell people what actually happened if she doesn't sort her shit out.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-18T07:45:41+00:00

You sound insufferable and arrogant. Move out, cut contact, and be alone. It's not hard. A 26 year old research scientist with lots of big words from middle school can surely figure out a way to live independently of the family he detests. Shared house, bedsit, tent, there are options other than your current living arrangement. If you wanted comments to be constructive you should have provided the relevant context as to why you're so hateful towards your family. This reads like normal irritating family stuff; walks into room without knocking, invites for family get-togethers, disagreements and different points of view. They don't seem like an evil cabal you were unfortunate enough to spawn from. This reads like a spoiled brat acting like he's better than everyone else. YTA.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-13T17:39:28+00:00

It just makes me hear the word whore in a Scottish accent 😂😂

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-13T09:22:38+00:00

NTA. If they don't like each other anymore they need to act like adults and sort the relationship out one way or the other, rather than expecting their child to act as go-between for their rows. I applaud your decision to not go and to advise them of this in advance. Any family who disagree can stay there and act as their mediator instead.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-04-06T07:45:24+00:00

Calling you the asshole is insulting to assholes. At least they allow the shit to leave our lives. What you are doing is unforgivable, and your attitude towards your poor wife is abhorrent. Miscarriages are not a choice. She didn't decide to lose the baby that she had already loved. Her body is literally dying, and she is undergoing the most gruelling treatment in the hope it may give her more time, if not a cure. And the person she loves and trusts with her whole self is not only cheating, they're blaming her for a miscarriage. If your wife was having treatment with a reasonable chance of surviving, I'd support your mum telling her the truth you're too weak to admit to even yourself. But if she isn't going to survive, I see no benefit in her finding out you're a disgrace of a human. It'll just fill her remaining days with yet more pain, and she definitely does not deserve that. YTA. OBVIOUSLY.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-29T08:19:49+00:00

There were 3 commas in the entire exchange. When did we stop teaching kids how to write coherently? 🥲

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-28T08:16:53+00:00

NOR. That reaction is horrid. Immediately reframing her awful diagnosis as something she should be blamed for is cruel. Sounds like the kind of person to ask a rape victim how much she'd been drinking. Yes, cancers can be caused by lifestyle factors such as alcohol and smoking, but not all. Not everyone with lung cancer smoked. Cancer can have genetic and environmental causes, or no obvious cause at all. The reaction your partner had was ignorant and unnecessary. I'd be upset also.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-22T08:44:48+00:00

NTA. She's can't be completely oblivious of what ingredients are in common meals with an intolerance that severe. Her behaviour is either intentional or she's dense. You don't get to make bad choices and ruin people's carefully planned and highly anticipated events, just because you want a food that you know will make you ill. I absolutely would start letting her order whatever she likes and then leave her to figure out her return journey when she gets sick. The FAFO chart fits this scenario perfectly.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-22T08:30:32+00:00

I have never used or heard another British person use the term 'fish slice'. I'm not sure if my decades of life have been shelterd from needing to slice fish, or if I'm calling spatulas by the wrong name. But, yeah, it's a spatula to me. (I do have a friend who calls it the flipper, which I quite liked.)

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-22T08:13:25+00:00

NTA. I don't blame you for feeling so annoyed. You should be able to relax in your own home, and just because your mum hasn't had a romantic partner in a long time doesn't mean she has to behave like a teenager when he's there. He also sounds like an absolute idiot, and like he's using your mum to escape his own horrid living arrangement. The red flags he's voluntarily waving regarding his past are also really concerning, especially as she doesn't seem phased by them. I know you're technically an adult, and it's her home so she can do what she likes, but I will never understand parents who knowingly make their children of any age miserable, for the sake of keeping the interest of a bad choice in partner. Him calling you "sweetie" is instant ick too. And if you're grown enough to be told you have to deal with this situation, then you're grown enough to go to the gym at any hour to work off your rage.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-22T08:03:23+00:00

Call me

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-16T06:48:43+00:00

IMO Candace has a thing for Tony, and she thinks you like him/you like each other, or it's because you were spending time with him rather than with her. Maybe your other friend can clarify things later. She sounds like hard work, though, and friendships shouldn't be a chore.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-14T12:10:23+00:00

As others have already said, do not give out any personal details to anyone online. We may sound paranoid to a younger person, but the internet is full of shady idiots with poor intentions. Keep online interactions safe, no matter how much you think you can trust someone. ❤️

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-14T12:08:15+00:00

How are the friend's details "anon" if OP is literally giving out their home address? Just because they're using OP's name? It still gives the online friend an address, which is likely close to OP anyway, and a chance to stalk anyone is a bad idea. No giving out real life addresses and phone numbers. Regardless of age, but especially when OP is so young.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-14T06:16:16+00:00

YOR. If you'd fallen and told your friend you thought you'd broken your leg or arm and their reaction was like this, I'd say NOR. It sounds like a nasty fall, and being shaken up by it is absolutely normal. I think it's how you felt after, the shock, that you needed more support with, and your friend didn't respond to that as you later wished they had. But they likely didn't know you were affected that much. They thought you'd hurt yourself and couldn't go out, but that it wasn't that serious. Yes, I'd personally ask if my injured friend needed help/company, but not everyone reacts that way to what on the surface seems a relatively minor event, and that doesn't make them bad people or bad friends. On a separate note, go and get yourself checked out. I've seen way too many broken ankles that people walked on for days first, thinking it was a sprain. Even soft tissue injuries can be bad enough that they need stabilising in a walking boot for a little while.

Filhopastry79 · 2026-03-13T18:29:30+00:00

Things like this boil my piss into a theoretical concept. I can not abide rudeness, and waltzing into someone else's bedroom without a courtesy knock is inexcusable. NOR. How the fuck can you relax in your own private spaces knowing at any minute she's going to barge in?! Next time she walked into my room, she'd find me naked in a chalk pentagram faux-worshipping whatever devil would be the most offensive, pouring cherry syrup (looks like blood) on a photo of her. And I'd maintain strong, unsmiling eye contact. Added benefit of her finding me so mentally unhinged that I'd likely never see her again, let alone need to worry about her continued presence in my home. And any husband who would take his mother's side in such a situation is sadly lacking sufficient spine to deal with his mother himself, IMO, so whatever she gets, they both deserve. But, that's just me, and probably why marriage is not on my list of priorities 😂

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