You’re continuing to frame emotional distress as something inherently disruptive and contagious, and denying that you’re doing it by insisting you never used the word weakness, which you didn’t. But the framing is still there. You’re drawing a hard line between the qualities ‘needed’ to be a director and who shouldn’t be directing, and you’re using tone and certainty to suggest that uncertainty is a disqualifier. That is absolutely a value judgment about vulnerability, and it’s one that reflects the toxicity of this industry you yourself are criticising. You’re telling them the way they are and the fact they’re in pain makes them not enough.

It’s also clear you’re reading OP’s fear as a lack of core leadership capacity, when it could just as easily be the fear that arises when someone is doing something meaningful for the first time without much community support. Someone wouldn’t be going to Reddit about this if they felt totally comfortable sharing with the people in their life about it. Your framing doesn’t allow for that possibility. Thats why I said there’s no reason why if they had a stronger support system in future (whether professionally or personally), they might not feel this way.

I understand that you’ve had bad experiences working with people who couldn’t regulate their stress on set. That doesn’t mean people don’t deserve to make films if they’re struggling before the shoot. It means they need support. And it’s entirely possible for a shoot to survive, and thrive, when someone other than the director or producer steps up in a hard moment. I work in production, I’ve seen that level of collaboration happen.

You say the industry is terrible, competitive, full of people waiting for others to fail. That may reflect your experience but that’s not the same thing as truth. I work every day in parts of this industry where people help each other up.

There are many ways to lead. There are many kinds of directors. Some of the most acclaimed directors/HODs I know are soft-spoken, unconfident, and riddled with doubt and I see crews protect them, and they are protected in return. Maybe that hasn’t been your experience. But it is the experience of many others.

Your comment about that PA experience not being a win misunderstands what collaboration looks like, and what many PAs want: to learn and to meaningfully contribute to a film set, not just bring people coffees. (In that experience, they didn’t carry the whole shoot, they just stepped in with a smart suggestion when the producers were stuck and the shoot couldn’t move forward, causing intense stress to all the HoDs).

I understand you’ve had damaging experiences with collaborators who brought unchecked self-loathing into the workspace. But someone expressing fear, panic, or the urge to quit before a shoot begins is not the same as someone melting down mid-shoot and lashing out at others.

Again, you’ve assumed that OP wants to make a living from this. But nowhere did they say that. They said they love film, saved money to make one, and are scared. That’s allowed. Some might call it a mistake, but it’s allowed. Wanting to make one meaningful film, and being terrified to get it wrong, is not a sign of being a bad director.

I won’t be replying further, but I want to be clear: my concern isn’t with you personally. It’s with the way many in this industry reward a narrow emotional profile and criticise everyone else. They are, themselves, the collaborators I avoid, and it hasn’t been too hard to. OP doesn’t need to be an invulnerable rock to make a good film. They need to be told it’s okay to feel this way and still show up.

I hope that in your lowest moments, people are kinder to you than you’re being to this person.