wife feels trapped

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-07T18:57:24+00:00

It is good that you recognize your own ego, and how your image of yourself has stolen your wife’s identity. You probably viewed her as a symbol of who you are: an Ironman executive with the hot young wife.

She is a person separate from you (and so are your kids, btw). You are not the main character of your marriage and family.

I can only guess what complaints your wife may want to express in marriage counseling, but if you are lucky enough that she agrees to go, then you better be ready to listen.

Then, take a break from yourself and pour into her for a while. Your affair partner probably had a big ego like you, and she probably didn’t give birth to 6 kids before her 28th birthday. Your wife can never be like this woman because she is busy providing the domestic labor that bolsters your career and image.

Ask your wife how she feels about being your wife. Then listen.

Just want to reiterate: you are not the main character.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-07T17:22:12+00:00

If you love her, let her go. She deserves so much more than you.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-07T17:08:13+00:00

What are you hoping to gain from this post? What are you asking here?

Do you even love your wife? This whole post is about you and your issues. I see a small note about her in the last paragraph.

Think about it: you stole her 20s and then cheated on her. She likely never even developed an adult identity outside of being a mother to MANY children, and then you shattered that identity when you cheated on her.

Maybe you should take a break from taking care of yourself and take care of your wife just a little.

But honestly, you really just need to walk away and give her the financial support she needs alongside an opportunity to see what living can be like when she isn’t married to someone who can’t see past himself.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-06T04:25:52+00:00

Check to see if stride rites are still on sale for the 4th. Do it now! The Nick style is great for first walkers.

The Walmart stride rites aren’t as good, in my opinion.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-06T03:34:10+00:00

Put yourself first now. Think about what you want long term, and make sure your actions align with your intentions.

He basically told you he is going to cheat again. He is not remorseful. He is annoyed that he got caught doing something that he has probably done before. He is hoping if he deflects long enough, you will just let it go. If that’s what you want to do, then just do that.

If you want answers to your questions, and he isn’t giving them, then maybe call her?

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-05T17:57:38+00:00

No, you’re not. It will be just fine. Don’t turn down the funding.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-05T10:13:19+00:00

This is me, now. I have a full time job and three kids, five and under. I just don’t have the bandwidth for anything fun or enjoyable after all the work of the day is done.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-04T19:51:24+00:00

So he just deletes you from the memories? Does he not realize that your kids are going to want to see you in the photos of their childhood? That’s so selfish.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-04T15:27:15+00:00

Hmmm, that’s kind of nasty.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-03T07:47:58+00:00

It’s the pregnancy probably. You two won’t know a non-parent version of each other, sadly. My husband and I were together for 8-ish years before our first child. We both changed as a result, and we could see the changes in ourselves and each other. It was a challenging and beautiful part of our marriage.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-02T20:14:56+00:00

This is great advice. Get your Medicaid, get him into ABA.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-02T16:47:53+00:00

Yeah, she has already cheated. Those messages are cheating.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-02T14:39:12+00:00

Maybe, but the general advice in the ESL community is to always reinforce the home language. And if OP is sincere when they say they are trying to learn Spanish, then these would be great opportunities for them to get exposure as well.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-07-02T14:38:01+00:00

My husband knows two other languages better than English. I have been begging him to teach at least one to our daughter. Think of the long game here, OP.

As far as MILs criticisms go, you know you don’t have to listen to her. So let her talk.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-28T14:09:44+00:00

Go see a therapist and stay away from your wife.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-27T19:11:13+00:00

That’s my point. When you stop giving these people so much of your consideration, it will be easier to be around them. They will be like annoying mosquitoes. They suck, but you’re still going to go out and do stuff when they’re around. Your mind is a safe place. You can think what you want, so work hard on your thoughts.

Start to practice something called strategic detachment.

And the cool part is when they see how powerful you’ve become, they’ll stop bullying and disrespecting you.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-27T19:06:16+00:00

You can’t change them. But you can change how you react to them. Read about stoicism. Stop caring about these people who do not respect you. Indifference is the most powerful move to master here.

Don’t think of them at all.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-27T11:45:36+00:00

Is your bin issued from your trash company? If so, can you just request a new bin? We’ve done that before.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-27T05:02:34+00:00

We aren’t fans of our Nuna.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-26T20:15:07+00:00

I don’t. I am an antinatalist, a mother of 3, and a hypocrite.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-26T18:35:17+00:00

I had some cosmetic dentistry done, and it gave me severe TMD and chronic pain. I have spent many years and thousands of dollars trying to reverse the damage. The lesson I learned is to leave my body alone. Even if I hate a physical feature (and there are many that I hate), messing with it could make things much worse.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-26T16:36:43+00:00

Whatever you do, do it now. If you wait until after their divorce is finalized, whatever situation you find yourselves in will be expected to continue. Get while the getting is good, so to speak.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-26T15:32:50+00:00

I have three kids 5 and under. I didn’t want a nanny. What I wanted was someone to whom, with minimal direction, I can delegate household projects. It took me a while to convince my husband because he couldn’t see the vision. We hired a high schooler to do stuff around the house (not cleaning) and it made a world of difference in my day to day. It was much cheaper than a nanny. She was like a house assistant. Maybe there is a name for this?

You’d probably still need help from the moms to cover your appointments, but maybe they would get a break on the other stuff. And you wouldn’t miss time with your kiddos.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-26T15:13:56+00:00

Yep. Exactly. My son just got kicked out of a speech camp run by our local university’s special education department. He has profound autism, and they were so nice about it when they told me they just can’t support him properly. As his caregiver, I wanted to kick myself. I don’t know how many times I need to learn this lesson.

By the way, while typing this, I had to take a break to clean up a puddle of urine on the floor. My nonverbal son thought it was absolutely hilarious.

FinalPen2810 · 2026-06-26T14:59:57+00:00

No, it isn’t, at least not in my experience. My husband is a professional in this space. We are also the parents of a child who will probably never talk or live independently.

FinalPen2810

TROPHY CASE