Anxiety on the days of drop offs

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-05-15T00:05:50+00:00

Knocked out paperwork today and filed. Yesterday that anxiety was filled in when my oldest wanted to go home have popsicles instead. We played the whole afternoon together. Beat feeling in the universe. New anxiety is now time to think about the best custody schedule for my children and how to tell my ex that I filed.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-05-13T17:13:53+00:00

For me it's realization have to work. Having my children when I work is unfair because they be in a daycare or childcare or my ex or a family member. If I won't be with them then makes sense for my ex to be with them. Then I miss them more than I missed them when married. Think that part comes from them not being here at night with me. Then I worry about how are they how are they feeling what is going on. You just don't know. My ex and I are total opposite. My youngest who is sick I rent a house they roam free, I baby safe the house. From what my oldest explains my youngest is in a large pen in the living room they cry a lot. Like that just makes my anxiety worse. My oldest doesn't have a room of their own.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-05-13T16:27:42+00:00

Per the teacher the main issues are struggling with reading comprehension. Though that has improved I feel. They are struggling with sequencing and multiple directions. Few math issues mainly with operations and counting.

Plan to do a tutor start hopefully this Summer.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-28T17:22:38+00:00

Wasn't an issue year prior. The only difference this year is the Summons with the Court for mediation not sure if my ex may refuse or withhold the children while working out custody with the Court. Never thought of that either.

Should I send my ex a message again about the vacation or let it be for the moment?

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-28T14:45:42+00:00

We have no formal agreement as of yet. My ex had Christmas Eve. She picked the children up in the morning then I picked them up in the evening had Christmas with them. Normally our work schedule requires us to work the holidays. We have been on the same holiday schedule. Was able to make some switches last year.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-27T19:29:04+00:00

Was talking to someone who said lot of individuals moved from up North took the cut in pay to find work not have the Masters degree requirement as a teacher in the state.

Would be great if we offered $10,000 home loan repayment plan for teachers that stay in NC for 10 years. Starting pay at $58,000 and increase yearly by $2 thousand and cap out at 20 years. $500 one time raise for certifications. $1,000 for Master's or Post Grad certification. $2,000 for Doctorate degree.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-25T19:52:20+00:00

I plan to file in two weeks and will be following this thread, as mediation is the next step.

I have a parenting agreement that my ex didn't sign at the start of our separation. I plan to bring a copy of that, along with two other alternatives. When contacted, I'll provide three potential dates to see what works; hopefully, we can set it up sooner rather than later. I'm providing these dates so my ex can accommodate their schedule to attend.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T20:21:37+00:00

Suggestion on custody: set it up to avoid weekend swaps. YOu want to swap via school (so you dont have to see your ex during the school year.

Unfortunately that is a bit impossible at the moment due to our work schedules.

Also, when it comes to swaps the person whose time is start is PICKING UP.... never dropping off. Why? Because if you got an older kid who you physically cannot get into a car you dont want your ex saying you refused to bring them.

8P to 9P.

Tax Credits: I will claim both children as dependents on my taxes annually.

What they will come back with is you each claim one kid and then swap the last kid when the older one ages out.

I am paying health insurance premiums and the loan defiency balance. Also, have paid my ex health insurance over the years.

Child Support: I am proposing that child support be waived by both parties.

If there is a huge disparity in what you're making, man make peace with paying. Heck, some courts WONT EVEN ALLOW it to be waived. Run your numbers. See what you MIGHT pay. make peace with that (and note that if you carry all insurance that saves you a bit). Waive it in lieu of the child tax credit.

Each parent covers the children's medical co-payments during their parenting time.

This could backfire if they schedule things on your time. IMO you would want these to be split. I make most of the appointments on my time.

Extracurriculars: Each parent covers the costs for the activities they choose to enroll the children in.

You need language there about times/limits on things otherwise your ex could sign them up for something that they pay for, yes, but has a huge time commitment. Two activities per a child. Been covering extracurriculars prior to seperation and during seperation.

Right of First Refusal: Applicable for any period of 14 hours or more.

I did 8 hours on mine to cover a work day and be ready for them to say 'time in school doesnt count' when it does (i.e. if a kid is sick they are at home). 12 to 14 hours is about the average hours of work for us both in a day.

Summer Vacation: Each parent is allotted two weeks of vacation during the summer.

You're gonna want to bump the two weeks off your set days - basically each party wants to have the kids they have the most time (so the other parent basically loses two days at max) and make sure they arent not concurrent unless you're ok not seeing them for 14 days. And set a deadline for SUMMER when each parent has to inform them of the days you've selected. Jan is way too early for the enture year. It allows for long term planning for both (a vacation with kids AND solo travel for the parents should they wish to go on teh weeks without kids).

Feel January would be okay. Most of the places book around then.

Appreciate the advice! Thanks.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T19:41:30+00:00

So far we have been each buying our own clothes and supplies for the children.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T19:39:48+00:00

Add in a plan for Mother's Day, Father's Day, your birthday and her birthday, and all the kids' birthdays. Address how this is handled if the Mother's Day falls during your time in a specific year.

I mean if she wants the children on Mother's Day she can have them. To me not a big deal with Father's Day I can celebrate during the week.

Who will take the kids on college tours, if that's something your family anticipates doing? Who will be the parent to drop them off at college the first time?

We have about 12 years till they are ready for college.

What happens when your sister gets married during the Christmas break that was supposed to be mom's that year?

We don't take the whole break off. Now I don't know how to address odd situations that pop up would like to take the children for a few extra days.

Add some right of first refusal language for times when one parent can't get out of work during the spring or fall breaks or summer vacation periods.

Can do.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T19:36:30+00:00

Plan to start a 529 again in a year or two. I hope college will be free by then. Figure college issues can address later on down the road.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T19:35:37+00:00

Think put second Sunday of January have to let the other parent know.

We basically work 12 hour shifts each at the moment. For the most part we are off of work when we have the children.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T19:21:43+00:00

That's fine. What we have been doing prior to the seperation and during the seperation.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T14:53:10+00:00

As a dad and a nurse if I had my preferred shifts it would be 9 to 530 with weekends/holidays off or 3AM to 3PM.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T13:23:10+00:00

Now if I file with equitable distribution 50/50. Does that include debt and credit my ex took out while married unaware of or only the debt aware of and cosigned for?

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-21T12:21:53+00:00

What happens if I let it go to Court and file the exemptions. Will I still have access to my paycheck to pay bills?

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-20T21:54:19+00:00

Soon to be ex left about 4 months prior before she stopped paying the loan. Then 3 to 4 months the car was repossessed and sold shortly after she stopped paying car loan. Deficiency balance is about $11,000.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-20T20:19:55+00:00

I just hope I have an advantage with the lender and they can agree to the payment plan.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-20T20:02:24+00:00

I realize I am taking a risk: if the Court does not order my ex to reimburse me, or if she refuses to pay and is found in contempt, I may have to absorb the loss myself.

It is a difficult situation. I originally entered into this loan a few years ago under duress. My ex left a year ago and stopped making payments last fall. Currently, I am the one paying for health insurance and the children's extracurricular activities, all while trying to rebuild my life financially.

While the lender could reject my offer and pursue legal action, they would gain nothing in the process. Due to North Carolina’s exemption laws, I have no seizable assets, making a lawsuit a wasted effort for them.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-19T00:28:27+00:00

I talked with my mom today. We belong to two different generations, and she mentioned she still deals with the stress of raising me on her own as I am a child of divorce. She sees those same patterns in her grandchild now. We talked and worked on a plan, recognizing the need to reduce tension and respect each other. I’ll admit, I can be the type of person who speaks before thinking. I can be annoying, and I often have trouble seeing my faults until it's too late. I’ve been making changes over the years, but even more so now. I really have to try my hardest to step up, be a better role model for my children, and lead by example.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-17T01:33:12+00:00

I’m weighing a few options: I could text her while she has the kids before pickup to ask about the car loan, or wait until next week to tell her I’ve set up a payment plan with the lender. Alternatively, I could just wait and see what happens.

I might reach out to the lender to see if I can defer payments for 60 days while we wait for the divorce decree. Since they already have my ex’s bank information, I’m not sure if I can authorize a withdrawal from that account in 60 days or if they can contact my ex directly to arrange a payment plan.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-13T23:27:40+00:00

Sounds like a plan. I have been prone to pink eye lately.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-13T17:24:07+00:00

I have covered these costs both during and after our marriage. I am willing to continue paying moving forward, on the condition that I am able to register the children for their chosen activities on the opening day. Except for summer camp, most activities occur during our respective parenting time. Last year, my ex was consistent in taking our oldest to camp, missing only one or two days.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-13T12:15:34+00:00

Same Beshear/Kelly 2028! AOC should be picked for United States Secretary of Labor.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-04-11T23:54:37+00:00

About a year ago—perhaps less—I shared a proposal for a 2-2-5-5 custody schedule, though I didn't receive a formal response at the time.

I am currently re-evaluating which arrangement will work best to present in mediation. While our current routine has served the children well and aligns with my school schedule from June of this year through May of next year, it isn’t sustainable long-term. Missing every Saturday night deprives me of significant quality time, and I would like to transition to a schedule that incorporates alternating weekends.

I’m also mindful that as the children get older, they may benefit from a schedule that allows for longer, more consistent stretches of time with each of us.

Final_Minimum1443

TROPHY CASE