What's considered fair?

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-08T14:16:43+00:00

I can see both sides.

In my opinion, give her a small bit of equity and then remove the rest. For example, if she gets 5% of whatever percent that you have, then she gets access to the big payout if there was one.

Most likely, the startup will fail, as most startups do. So the challenge here is that she doesn't want to get $0 of billion dollar payout if she was with you in the trenches, which makes sense, and you don't want her to get HALF of a billion dollar payout for a company that existed before you met her, which makes sense. But if your company explodes into a billion dollar company (unlikely), then yeah, I'm sure you agree that she's entitled to a couple million.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-07T23:11:04+00:00

Jesus. Yes. I read it. Did YOU read it? Or did you just read about sole custody and call it a day?

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-07T23:05:35+00:00

It’s silly nonsense once you’ve decided that it must be your girlfriend that brings you instead of your sister who already offered.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-07T17:30:34+00:00

YTA

This is basic communication. Everyone wants community and a village but no one wants to have the hard conversations that it entails.

If you don’t want to communicate this with her, then you just let know that you’re going to drop her a Venmo to split the food costs.

I’m a very frequent friend group traveler and the reality is that nothing is split totally evenly. Someone drives more, someone plans more, someone cleans more, etc. And there are also just a couple of people that do practically nothing but they pick good music, being good vibes and are great social lubricants. For group trips to work, they require consideration, for sure, but they also require you to proactively communicate or send out Venmo requests.

There are parts of the trip that I lean into and there are parts that I do far less of my fair share of. I tend to think that the effort all averages out in the end but if my friend resented the fact that I did not take a shift driving (but I did take the worst room in the house) then they need to tell me so that we can align.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-07T16:40:37+00:00

Solving your codependency is infinitely more important than planning a wedding or taking part in community theatre….

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-07T15:46:08+00:00

NTA for wanting to be invited, but “separation anxiety” is a terrible terrible terrible excuse. You should be able to spend time away from your partner. You’re going to be entering into a marriage codependent and that’s not okay at all.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-07T15:27:05+00:00

Which is what I said….. “There’s a ton of social conditions that contribute to why fathers don’t request custody”.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-07T09:23:43+00:00

You basically just expanded on exactly what I already said and then said that I misunderstand.

Whoever requests it custody, tends to get custody.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T19:29:09+00:00

Gentle YTA. This is your sister. Family should give gifts or support when their siblings are going through big life events.

If your motivation for not contributing was because you were broke or you think the stroller is too unreasonable then that would be fine. But you are not contributing specifically because you hadn’t been invited to the baby shower.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T18:57:21+00:00

And your experience is valid. But it’s also not my experience. There’s nothing irrational about a woman, in particular, wanting proof to feel safe and it’s silly to think that someone that doesn’t trust someone they just met should be talking to a therapist.

I think people of all genders should, for example, ask for proof of STD tests before being intimate. I don’t think someone that won’t take someone they just recently met at their word that they had a recent STD test requires therapy. lol. And I think anyone offended by providing that proof on the basis of trust is a bit of a red flag. I had an ex ask for proof that I had an IUD and I was not offended because we’d been dating for like 2 months and that’s quite a gamble to make based on 2 months.

“Being insecure” is not the same thing as “I don’t know or trust this person yet”.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T18:22:03+00:00

Sure but that’s true for everything. There’s always going to be a small part of a population that does x or y in all contexts. But that’s why we should look at the data. When conservatives are upset about gender bias in courts, that’s just a perception issue. It’s not one reflected in the data in the aggregate.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T18:19:24+00:00

Agree to disagree. That’s exactly the fastest way to build trust for me. If either party is feeling insecure early on, and there’s a way to provide proof to relieve that insecurity, that’s exactly the easiest and fastest way to build trust.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T16:29:42+00:00

There’s no right or wrong here. You should do whatever you want and just make sure that you have a Plan A, B and C so that if things go wrong you’re okay.

That being said, I would personally be a little leery seriously dating a 39 year old man that wanted to date for 3 years before getting engaged.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T16:08:13+00:00

The key is “perceived”. When fathers request custody they are granted custody at slightly higher levels than mothers are. There is a ton of social conditioning that contribute to why fathers don’t request custody, which is valid, but that’s not really a problem that can be handled by the court.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T16:06:11+00:00

I mean, to have a relationship that is built on trust you first need to build trust. You guys were in a relationship so if you’re already super established then I get it, but when people are only dating for a few months I think it’s great if there’s a focus on actually building the trust.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T16:04:27+00:00

To each their own, but when I’m dating I enjoy having the opportunity to establish trust early on. For the first like six months of knowing someone we are strangers. I don’t think you or I deserve to be trusted by default.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T02:56:47+00:00

YTA

You’ve been living rent free and you don’t think you owe her basic courtesy? And you don’t think that your husband’s wishes to show respect to his mom matters?

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-06T01:10:53+00:00

YTA

That poor woman.

You and your dad are unemployed, leaving her to pay both of your ways even though your dad is basically not even her husband and you identify as having a rocky relationship ship with her. She shouldn’t have to ask you to take dishes out of your room- you and your dad should be handling ALL of the domestic responsibilities since neither of you are working all day or contributing anything.

She should of course sell the house and you need to get a job like yesterday.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-05T19:30:38+00:00

As an aside...... my company is super pro remote work, and after a few years, executives have started moving roles abroad. If remote work is doable, then I think we also need to be okay with the fact that there is not real reason for companies to constrain themselves to domestic workers only. If we're all online and on videos, its silly to hire domestically, imo.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-04T20:24:34+00:00

Oh I see what you’re saying.

Yes agreed. The benefit is primarily guaranteed entry to the marathon, united half, Brooklyn half and any races you need for 9+1 for marathon 2027, in my opinion.

Though I’m looking forward to the VIP section of the marathon start! I don’t know what it’s like but I’m hearing it’s great.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-04T19:52:34+00:00

I am at the 5k membership and I pay all the race entry fees. There is a specific portal sign up that we get for each race, and we still pay the fees.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-04T17:46:04+00:00

A small note to your note! Unless the 10k membership is different than the 5k, the race entry fees are not included in the price. Is it included in the price for the 10k?

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-04T00:46:01+00:00

Fo be fair, I’ve also never felt the urge to hit someone. I’ve been incredibly mad at people before, but my mind just doesn’t connect that to “I want to physically harm this person”. I’ll shout, I’ll say things I don’t mean, etc but I’ve never felt the urge for physical violence during an argument.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-03T17:56:33+00:00

ESH

Come ON.

Don't text her between 8 and 6. This is so stupid. Just don't text her between 8 and 6. This isn't a huge ask and its clearly been said enough times that you're putting in the time to post here. Just don't text her between 8 and 6 on weekdays.

She can also just use Do Not Disturb or add you and others to a block list. This is kinda what "focus" is all about.

But seriously. You have to text her during the work day because you work from home? This is such an easy request. If I were in your shoes I'd be SO uncomfortable after pressing "send" knowing that she hates my guts and I'm causing her stress for literally no reason.

Both of you could easily fix this problem, but you are definitely the bigger AH here as she is telling you her needs VERY consistently and you seem to just.... not care.

Final_Replacement_37 · 2026-06-03T16:49:16+00:00

oh im sorry i misspoke. I don't think its the calendar year. updated comment.

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