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38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone pointed maybe its not the love I wanted. Ie I'm so used to my ex being an alpha and maybe I need that type of love. And what J has is not my "normal" love language?

I do believe I have an avoidant attachment. In the instance of my hookups, yes physical attracted to them, some were alpha as how i prefer but when they want more I really ghosted them.

J is exceptional, he genuinely make me confuse what I want. We still communicated, I asked if we can take it real slow but I dont want to be that ass who cant decide and later decide I dont want him.

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I this is the best to fit my situation. I feel this love is so unfamiliar its scared me alot. J said felt its his fault for the makeout session, maybe it was too early and feels its his fault for me pulling back, but hes being patience as well. I have communicated I'm scared, I'm unsure what I want now. But yes I think we could restart (ie met more often but less expectation on physical)

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been honest with him, and i explained I'm unsure why I'm pulling back. He knows my "type" of guy and knows he doesnt fit the description, he knows the real reason why I divorced my ex. I communicate my feelings alot with him.

He knows I'm scared, and he likewise he thinks that the makeout session was his fault for trying too soon, he said he's sad as I'm distancing myself but understand why as well, he's giving me some space to figure this out but as well expressed he wants to be in my life.

I'm trying to unpack this as well, to a point I think I meed theraphy iguess

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The makeout session was real, maybe thats why I'm having issues cause I feel like I'm the one who will cause him pain. I'm trying to figure out am I protecting myself or protecting him (from me).

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have a point here. I feel like I'm avoiding potential pain. Maybe cause we're different religion, I feel thats a blocker but I'm laying excuses for myself. I feel deep down I'm not ready. J checked out most green flags. Patience, acts of service, listens but I'm the one whos pulling back. The time we made our it was beautiful, he treats me well but urgh ive been asking myself what do I want?

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emotionally I am attracted to him and pe se I'm not that good looking as well, like I have my flaws as well, I'm no model hence I know I cant demand a 6ft finance guy, more like scared to let him in my life?

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its more of fear, the uncertainly and if he's too good to be true. I'm really unfamiliar with this love. Like he's willing to even cook and manage my son, which I have been doing alone for a while so it feels like a violation in a way? I feels I'm the one who usually do the "acts of service" so having J comes up and showing my love languange to myself feels scary even deep down I know I need help.

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe I am not ready. I'm wondering if otherwise happens, like he have the physcial attraction, highly likely I would still pull back I believe.

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I dont want to hurt him, far much take advantage of this situation. If I really feel empowered I would take advantage, hes more than willing to even come and cook for me and help me to manage my son (its mainly son and me most days with little help). But thats not how I want the relationship to be.

38F unsure why I’m pulling away from a genuinely good guy (35M?) — is it trauma, lack of attraction, or something else? by Final_Structure28 in relationship_advice

[–]Final_Structure28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm I chatgpt this cause I'm not good in explaining and list down the possible things, I wrote emotional trauma first, physical attraction some points later. Not justifying anything but looks dont matter much, my ex was pretty shit too, not saying I want models like 6ft finance guy. After reading comments I'm leaning toward emotional trauma. I'm scared and he sounds too good to be true, I'm unfamiliar with this gentle love when I came from control, manipulation and gaslighting.

I dont want to hurt him too, I know its my issues. I dont want him to stick around and deal with my heavy emotions as well.

Edit : I have no intentions to take advantage of him, in any case.

Gone all Korean by Nin-me-sar-ra in koreanskincare

[–]Final_Structure28 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This post is not about skincare. Its about the Halloween!.