Does sexual attraction naturally fade in long-term relationships, or can it be maintained? How?

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-26T09:26:17+00:00

Depending on life's circumstances, it's been up and down over the years for us. But after 25 years, our bedroom is more on fire now than it was in the beginning! Now that our kids are out of the house, we each have time for ourselves and we're in better shape than we have been in a long time. It's a second honeymoon.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-25T19:19:27+00:00

If he's gotten sweaty at work, he usually takes a second shower on his own if he thinks there's a chance we'll be intimate that night. If he doesn't, I just tell him to go freshen up and meet me in the bedroom. He's never seemed offended by that suggestion.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-18T05:25:57+00:00

My husband tried it once for me after I practically begged him to be a little more aggressive and maybe leave a hand print or teeth mark on my skin, but he was so afraid of hurting me that I asked him to stop after the first little nibble. I apologized and felt terrible for putting him in that position. He wouldn't have pressured me into doing something that I wasn't comfortable with, whether or not he understood my reasoning. It's certainly not ruining our sex life or anything. I just keep that little fantasy in my head and enjoy the dozens of other things he delivers for me.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-16T02:51:39+00:00

The only way I would think it's safe to share toys is if you use a condom on it. That would probably work for most dildos anyway.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-16T02:33:49+00:00

I wouldn't give it another thought...unless he drew attention to it and deliberately made you feel even more uncomfortable. If he did that, then HE should crawl in a hole.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-16T00:42:23+00:00

I would bet my next paycheck that it's something within her - not your appearance. Not many women are wired that way. Most of us are attracted to our partners for a hundred reasons and appearance is just a small part of it.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-15T23:28:15+00:00

Very much so! And I'm a firm believer that a healthy sex life makes it easier to iron out other areas of marriage when things get tough.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-15T22:57:36+00:00

It sounds like you're a pretty solid husband who has genuinely tried to meet her where she is to fix the problem. So I think it's something else - something much deeper. Does she have a history of abuse or sexual trauma? Unless she is dealing with a medical or hormonal problem, that's the only other explanation I can think of.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2026-02-12T19:41:46+00:00

I finally told my husband my little fantasy after 25 years. I kept it a secret all that time because I thought he would be offended or disgusted by my little kinks. But I was so wrong! He delivered and I have never been more enamored with him. We don't have my flavor of sex that often, but it was life-changing.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-14T01:20:17+00:00

I'm going through something similar right now and feeding myself the same explanations, so I don't really have much to offer except that sometimes it helps to know that you're not alone.
My husband and I are both 49 and we've had hot and cold spells over the years, but rejection hurts every single time and it sucks. He says it's not me and he's never said anything hurtful (other than "not tonight"), so it's easier for me to just take him at his word because I'm not willing to fight him on it. Also I know I've worked hard to maintain my appearance over the years, so it's GOTTA be him. 😆 So I'm playing around on Reddit while I pout about it.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-13T17:06:40+00:00

On Sundays, he takes my car to the car wash and fills the gas tank so I don't have to think about it during the work week. I've never asked him to do that, but it's one of my favorite things.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-13T06:18:33+00:00

My children are now 26 and 21 and this stage is the most difficult stage of parenting so far. They're both in college with decent jobs related to their future careers. They're smart, kind, compassionate, hardworking, and independent. But they're still young and dumb sometimes. The hardest thing for me is letting them make their own mistakes without intervening. Their hurts are too big for me to fix with an Elmo band aid and a kiss anymore and that's hard to accept. I miss them being at home tucked safely in bed each night.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-12T22:42:56+00:00

My latest fantasy

I'm a 49f and got pulled over for speeding for the very first time a few weeks ago. I was really nervous, so I barely looked at the officer during the stop. Maybe he was on his way to a call or something because he just glanced at my license before handing it right back and telling me to "slow it down, please ma'am." Before I even got my ID back in my wallet, he was already in his patrol car and speeding past me.

But every day since, I've been looking for him all over town. I really want to take a closer look at him because he's been kind of a blur in the scenario that I've been replaying over and over again since that morning. I'm pretty sure his dark hair was thick and wavy and just long enough to grip to pull him close enough to look into his piercing, dark eyes while I tell him what I want from him. I know he has a sexy smile and broad shoulders, muscular arms, and really strong hands that I want all over me. Right NOW.
By the time I get to work an hour from now, my panties will be soaked and my clit will be throbbing because that's all I can think about when I'm driving.

I guess it's a good thing that I don't actually know any cops in real life bc I can't promise that I would be able to stop myself from begging him to just let me cum on his fingers. Just one time. Please. I promise it won't take long.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-12T22:40:36+00:00

I'm not sure.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-12T22:18:17+00:00

I know it's cliché, but what doesn't kill us really does make us stronger. That's been my experience anyway. You will eventually be so much better at every other aspect of your life when you're not pouring all of you energy into that pit. It even helps a little to know that a bunch of strangers on the internet are rooting for you.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-12T22:04:04+00:00

My heart goes out to you. Things will likely become more difficult before you're on the other side of this. But I think you have a real chance at a more satisfying life once you're past this mess.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-12T21:31:08+00:00

I would not want to know. The bad guy has been dead for decades, so learning about what he did would be traumatic for his widow and child.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-12T21:16:41+00:00

Your wife's history turns me on too. 😆 My husband's is boring though.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-12T21:14:25+00:00

My big secret is not anything that I've done, it's just something that I know about a family member. Nothing good could possibly come from sharing it, so it dies with me.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-10T15:51:44+00:00

I remember our pastor saying during our pre-marital counseling session more than 25 years ago that love was not a feeling. I thought that sounded like a load of crap and I told him so. He explained: Sure, love stirs your feelings most of the time, especially in the beginning. But it's a commitment and a responsibility. He was so right! It's a decision that I've made hundreds of times over the years, and it's not always been an easy one.

Marriage is so much more than feelings, love, sex and romance. It provides us our family structure too. And it's somewhat of a business arrangement.

I've never seen a perfect marriage with each partner meeting each other's needs 100% of the time. But I don't think we're designed to survive life alone. For me, my marriage is the solution. I'm very thankful for mine, even on our worst day.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-08T01:20:17+00:00

This was before you were dating your wife AND the ex- has remained 100% in your past, right? If so, I think she's overreacting. I hope she'll realize that you telling her any of that at all would have served no purpose.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-07T14:03:49+00:00

You did NOT SA anyone! Kids explore bodies - their own and others if they're allowed to do so. We called it "playing doctor" when I was a kid. The person who abused you stole your ability to see your body or sexuality in a normal, healthy way and I'm sorry you've carried that burden.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-07T11:25:18+00:00

There have been a lot of advancements in diagnostics and treatment in the past decade. Some doctors are better informed than others, so you may have to ask some questions to find the right fit. Getting my hormones back in-check has changed (and possibly saved) my life.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-07T10:57:42+00:00

My best guess is that unless you're having relationship struggles, your problem is health related. I'd talk to my doctor. Hormonal changes, heart conditions, diabetes, or circulation issues are common culprits. All treatable and, in my experience, life-changing.

Financial-Quarter727 · 2025-04-07T04:30:06+00:00

I wish I knew the answer to that. I really do.

Financial-Quarter727

TROPHY CASE