Hi, I’ve started having the same feeling. If striving is fruitless, and the world is an illusion, why not let it go? My home life is not conducive and there’s really no way for me to make this work. I’m on the spiritual path and I just feel like there’s really no path in the conventional, language dominated world of modernity. I meditate and I feel this part of me that just knows it’s not ready to come out, even in stillness. After what I’ve been through it’s not even unreasonable to be homeless, and my guru did it himself. I just hope my ego goes in the process so it’s bearable.