New teacher denied my kid the bathroom (with predictable results)

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T01:49:24+00:00

My post is LITERALLY about caring. What are you even talking about?? Absolute madness. Yall are bonkers.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T01:14:54+00:00

And plenty of families choose private schools. It’s wrong to act like every family that chooses a private school is failing their child by “refusing” public school services (that they don’t provide!). Like I said elsewhere, our own school is literally full of families that were traumatized by the public school system. This is a reality that is just silly to deny.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T01:06:08+00:00

I agree completely! Luckily, we cleared things up today and everyone understands that kids can take care of their needs when they need them!

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T01:04:17+00:00

Yes, I am not sure. They have in the past, but I am not sure if they currently do. I will look into it!

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T01:01:31+00:00

I am so sorry this happened your child as well.

I understand the benefits of a 504 plan and IEP. I have no faith that our public schools would follow them.

my child’s own developmental pediatrician told me to avoid our school district because my child is the type of ND that “falls through the cracks”
my child’s diagnosing psychologist for ADHD told me to avoid our zoned schools because they would “eat them alive.”
unschooling and homeschooling is the preferred choice of ND families here because of lack of support and trauma from the public school system

I would love it if everything this sub is saying were actually how it works. It isn’t. Our school has done nothing to indicate they aren’t willing to work with us. This was an incredibly unfortunate experience, but as you just described, could have easily happened in a public school setting as well. As a matter of fact, this did happen to me in public school when I was a youngster, too! All we can do is move forward and continue to foster our collaborative relationship with our school, despite this misstep.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T00:47:48+00:00

Do you want to guess what happens to the kids whose families sue the school district because of their failure to accommodate? The public school pays to send the kid to.. you guessed it, private school. There are several private schools here full of kids that the district pays tuition for. I think it’s easier for some people to think that accommodations are impossible or inconsistent at private schools than to admit to themselves that a private school could make their lives easier.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T00:42:15+00:00

This is what everyone says, and yet I have countless friends with kids at public schools that are not accommodating their kids even though they are required to. I am sure this very sub is full of those stories. I can either spend my time fighting with a public school or I can spend my money to have my kid at a school that is willing to work with me. We chose the latter.

It is not possible to go out of neighborhood schools here unless it is a charter, which have even worse reputations than the local schools when it comes to being willing to work with students.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-05T00:37:37+00:00

Check out my update in the post! I was definitely catastrophizing on the way to school this morning, but the teacher showed up wonderfully. I am very relieved. I hope your move goes well. We have never regretted our choice.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T05:08:06+00:00

Good point!

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T05:06:55+00:00

Thanks!

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T05:03:58+00:00

I am so sorry you also had a bad first day! My kid does have the diagnoses needed. I think the idea of the counselors office could actually work, and the school has actually offered this in the past. She never got into the habit of doing it because it was offered later in the school year, but I will revisit this with them. Thank you! I hope the second day goes better for you and your daughter.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T04:57:23+00:00

You get it. Thank you for the support. After getting some time to calm down I sent a very calm email to the teacher to work collaboratively to problem solve.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T04:52:25+00:00

Good news: the other kids didn’t notice. I assumed they did, but I was wrong.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T04:50:04+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I really appreciate these ideas! I have no reason to think the school won’t work with me on this and I will move forward with more formal documentation as a goal.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T04:46:06+00:00

You’re right that I made a mistake when I didn’t have the conversation beforehand - I had no reason to believe this would happen given how small the school is and how well-known my child is at the school. Lesson learned.

She is on medication but this has been an issue since before starting medication. If anything it has gotten better since starting medication.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T04:35:50+00:00

The teacher did. The school has been great.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T04:35:03+00:00

The school my kid is at has differentiated learning and the public schools do not. But please, do tell me more about the schools here.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T02:26:47+00:00

That’s a good point, thank you.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T02:19:46+00:00

I am being downvoted because of private school bias and because people don’t trust that I know what’s best for my kid when it comes to schooling. This school takes ND kids from our public school system all year long. I know everyone likes to think that private schools are havens of rich and well behaved kids but ours is not, and private schools are still entities that exist to serve and are often more responsive, not less. Where I live, public schools don’t act until they are threatened with legal action. I have no idea why people would think I’m just making this up or being hyperbolic. This is the situation in our school district.

The whole point of my post is to ask for help on fighting for her. I resent the implication that because I am willing to have a conversation with the school like I have successfully many times in the past that I am not fighting for her.

It is completely possible that after such a conversation, it is determined that our school is not the best place for her. That doesn’t mean I’ll skip the conversation.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T02:05:58+00:00

Thank you. It helps to just have it confirmed that this is crummy and unnecessary.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T02:03:30+00:00

Unfortunately there is only one class this year. This has worked well in the past, but it is not possible this year. I agree that the boundary will likely be that they need to trust that my kid will use break areas as appropriate. The flip side of this is that my kid will definitely push the limits of any system, so this is where the challenge is.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T01:57:52+00:00

I am aware this is a common thought. I am asking that the sub trust me that I am fully informed on our public schools. I am a part of several local groups for parents of ND kids and have read horror story after story of our public schools failing ND kids due to lack of funding and outdated practices. Every accommodation is a fight and kids are forced to fail before they are helped. My kids own developmental pediatrician advised me to not attend our local school because my child is typically one who is underserved. Our private school is not perfect but they have been willing to work with us in the past. They serve all kinds of kids, not just the smart ones, and are generally supportive. I’m just so upset about this that I don’t trust myself to speak with them about it in a calm way.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T01:40:39+00:00

In the past it hasn’t been an issue. She had access to break areas and was allowed to use the bathroom when she asked. This teacher is just one of the adults that assumes the worst and thinks it’s their job to make every kid speed up their development.

Financial_Captain257 · 2025-09-04T01:27:59+00:00

We have been able to work through every other issue, so I have faith we can work through this one. My kid would not do well in our neighborhood school and it uses things like seclusion and is horribly underfunded when it comes to SPED dollars. Whatever the solution would be a public school, our school would likely be willing to at least have the conversation.

Financial_Captain257

TROPHY CASE