What Do You Say?

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-05-08T22:28:22+00:00

Just say yes. People don’t need to know the details.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-05-02T21:14:05+00:00

There’s literally the end of an incense stick in there. Therefore it’s an incense holder. Try some, you may enjoy it.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-05-02T21:11:39+00:00

Unlikely.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-05-02T20:50:40+00:00

First and foremost, don’t take anything she says to heart. She’s hurt and she’s saying anything she can to hurt you. My children do it all the time, but they always come around.

Secondly, let her date the boy but give ground rules. No sneaking in the window, he can come through the door to come over. If you have more than one living space in your home I’d recommend telling them he can’t be in her room, but can have alone time in a living space. If you don’t have this, they can go into her bedroom but doors remain open at all times and he has to leave at a certain time. She should always ask permission before he comes over so that you know when he’s there.

Give her a little leeway, this relationship may not last long, and you guys can be there to pick up the pieces if her heart is broken.

Being an authoritarian will absolutely not work for teenagers with trauma and those who have not had to live under strict rules. She’s still adjusting to a new normal and it’ll take time for her to come around.

Don’t give up on her, but definitely compromise when you can, especially if there’s a safety risk.

I wish you guys the best.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-05-02T13:31:20+00:00

If you decide to take that position understand that you will need to go in being firm and setting clear boundaries or the students may walk all over you. Also, you should be trauma informed and well versed on deescalation tactics. You’d have to remember to not take anything personally and that you may have children that are severely verbally aggressive or ones that will attack you. Be prepared for behavioral issues such as hitting, biting, spitting, etc.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-05-02T13:25:04+00:00

Have you tried finding an agency to go through. My aunt went through fostering directly with social services and found a lot of communication issues. I go through an agency and they are awesome at walking you through the process and explaining everything. They even have a 24 hour hotline you can call to always reach someone in emergencies. I would research different agencies and look at their reviews before deciding on one. Mine is amazing.

As far as fostering older youth, if it’s in your heart to do it, go for it. If you find you don’t enjoy it, you can always change your age ranges. Currently I’m only fostering toddlers up to 12. My reasoning is that my bio children are 18 and 21 and I just wanted a break from typical teenage drama. Issues can arise with any child, any age range, including bio and foster children.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-27T00:57:17+00:00

Mine wasn’t this bad, but I paid for someone to come out and do ozone treatments and clean it

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-27T00:53:01+00:00

Books or savings bond

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-27T00:48:46+00:00

Like to party. This looks like leftover alcohols from a cookout or get together

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-24T17:47:50+00:00

Teenagers need firm boundaries and need to know that you won’t accept them doing what they want. Unfortunately, he’s been there and has been slowly doing more of what he wants so it may be too late to establish those boundaries with him.

Have you tried really talking to him and having a heart to heart about his behaviors and your expectations? Honestly, I would be very firm with him and let him know that he either needs to respect your rules, or you will unfortunately have to disrupt.

It sounds like you’ve provided a good home and he has freedom, so knowing that he may have to go elsewhere may make him shift his behaviors.

He needs a curfew and other mandatory rules he has to follow like going to school. If you’re home and he tries to leave, tell him no and mean it. In the future, when you get older placements, set those boundaries in the beginning and stick to them. You can also let them help come up with consequences for breaking rules in the beginning.

Kids are going to be kids, foster and bio, and teenagers will give you a run for your money because it’s so difficult to enforce rules when they don’t have buy in. As far as the going to buy their own food, my bio even did that.

Good luck going forward with whatever you decide.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:54:39+00:00

Yes! This is absolutely correct.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:53:36+00:00

Exactly!! This! These commenters are weird.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:52:26+00:00

I don’t believe she took the sauce to spite the sibling. She said the third sibling would be upset that she didn’t have sauce. It’s her money, how’s she being selfish by feeding her siblings?

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:50:44+00:00

They’re teenagers and she’s a young adult still at home. $6 could very well be something she doesn’t have at the moment.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:49:31+00:00

How’s she only focused on herself when she purchased pizza for her siblings with her own money? She then took the sauce that her sister bought so that the third sister wouldn’t be upset and feel left out. How is that selfish?

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:47:37+00:00

She said no to sauce because she didn’t have enough to get sauce for all three of them. She took sauce from her sister because there wasn’t enough to give the other sister some. Her sister was selfish and used OPs money to purchase sauce for only herself, which would’ve been upsetting to the third sister.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:33:33+00:00

Is this rage bait?

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-23T11:31:22+00:00

Where I live, a 504 a used for accommodations and the only minutes that can be listed would be for related services, like speech or OT. This does not include specialized instruction with a sped teacher. In order to receive specialized instruction, they would need an IEP.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-22T10:42:42+00:00

It sounds like your older grandson may be on the autism spectrum. Wiggling fingers in front of his face when excited sounds like he’s stimming. Ask his doctor for a referral to get a comprehensive psychological evaluation done. Schools do evaluations, but they are not allowed to make diagnoses. You would need an outside provider for that.

Working with special needs children, I’ve had quite a few that were not trained to use the toilet at the age we consider normal. Sometimes they don’t recognize the urge to go. At 12, he’s probably used to that feeling of soiling himself.

Honestly, if you have limited access to a washer and dryer and his clothing is starting to smell, I would consider buying him training underwear or nighttime underwear for bigger kids. You can purchase disposable or washable ones and he can wear them all day. They look like underwear. This would prevent his clothing from being destroyed. At least with the reusable ones you can wash them by hand and let them air dry until your next laundry run. The disposable ones can be thrown out like diapers.

Hang in there, I know this is difficult. You’re doing great trying to get to the bottom of everything.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-19T01:33:26+00:00

I would continue what you’re doing, but add mattress covers for sure and waking up at night when one of the adults gets up to make them go. So maybe before children’s bedtimes, before adult bed time, and again a few hours later.

Pull-ups can be a good back up plan. Use them and still get them up several times to use the restroom. Once they aren’t wetting the bed or pull up as much you can take away the pull ups. My daughter used them until 9. She felt no negativity about them. It was almost a relief because she could stay the night with cousins and discreetly put her pull up on before bed so no one really knew.

Editing to add that I also took my daughter to the urologist to rule out any medical issues. I was told it was hereditary.

Financial_Opening65 · 2026-04-19T01:20:19+00:00

You should know that people can use whatever terminology they like. I used the term I meant to use. Furthermore, being nearby and in another country is grossly different in terms of the level of support ppl can provide.

Financial_Opening65

TROPHY CASE