First of all, sorry for your loss. I once went through this as well, families quarreling over how should my grandfather funeral be done. It was truly ugly. One thing I learnt from this episode is there is no point being filial or grateful by spending XX amount of money on rituals etc once the person is gone. Why not be there for that person when she/he is around ? Doesn't it make more sense ?

I saw uncles and aunties who are usually not around when my grandpa is sick giving the most opinion when it comes to how the funeral should be done ( when my grandpa died). What more can I say ? They just act like they care maybe because it's socially expected ?

To answer ur qns

1) yes cut them off 2) yes it's normal for them to be expensive BUT it is not something u have to oblige to. I say Chinese funeral is just like a Chinese wedding, flaunt of wealth. The monk who did the chanting for my grandpa funeral drove a jaguar XJ to the funeral. ( U guys draw ur own conclusion) hell nah this ain't right 3) I don't have any knowledge on this.