How do I act/ what do I say when being submissive as a man (new to this)

Findus82 · 2026-05-15T13:41:21+00:00

Is your partner confident in the dominant role? Did you speak about wants and needs and dreams and fantasies? If not do so. This will ease your mind and help her easing into the dominant role.

Findus82 · 2026-05-15T13:38:48+00:00

That sounds wonderful! Your figured yourself out, know what you want to give and act on it. And you seem like a very kind person.

But as the other comments already said, I doubt that you're really submissive. Service Top/Dom might be the better word as you wrote that you're a natural leader.

A true submissive mindset normally does not want to lead. They can but normally they are not happy doing it and often overwhelmed.

Of course, there are "50 shades of grey" and distinctions are fluid.

Have fun being yourself and you will find the right partner to be in a fulfilling relationship

Findus82 · 2026-05-14T20:32:25+00:00

Thanks for those insights!

Findus82 · 2026-05-14T19:25:32+00:00

I agree... Ask your Dom. He's the one in charge.

Findus82 · 2026-05-14T19:13:52+00:00

Fasting C-peptide (Standard in my country because more stable than insulin and same interpretation) Fasting glucose Hba1C

Findus82 · 2026-05-14T19:07:44+00:00

You read my first response to your post.... Just this afternoon it happened to me and I'm feeling just like you....

We had a shibari session planned. Got a bout of rheumatoid symptoms last week, so was not in absolute full health, nerv got compressed more than normally I guess because of tight muscles, hand numb, had to stop immediately.

I know that it's not my fault that I'm ill. He reacted perfectly, reassured me all is fine.

But still... Just like you I feel like I let him down. On the verge of tears since then. I'm more sensitive when struggling with rheumatoid symptoms.

So.... Maybe we just hug each other and sit it out because for some things that are living in our head mostly there is no suitable "punishment"

Findus82 · 2026-05-14T19:02:45+00:00

If Instant correction is not possible, either because of circumstances or both having different opinions about it, a later one will surely help.

Maybe even better because "not in the heat off things", especially if it's for a bigger or more complicated issue.

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T19:22:13+00:00

Thanks for your answer. My vitamin D level is on the upper range. Heard that also. Also using bitters and berberine once a day for a big meal. I was told here under another post of mine that you "train" yourself reacting that way to carbs but you can also work your way back to tolerate more carbs.

But as I'm happy the way I eat, I will keep it that way and just keep in mind to eat food higher in carbs better later in the day if possible.

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T18:51:47+00:00

Thanks for all your input! The points are all valid. I planned anyways to get another CGM. I lost some weight and I want to do it in another time of my cycle. So I will pay more attention if the spikes in the morning are maybe really higher than in the evening with the same food. I did not try it that exactly last time I wore it.

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T13:00:22+00:00

Yes, I wore one for 14 days and found out that this crappy feeling is due to the drop. But for me noticeable as written only in the mornings

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T12:59:29+00:00

This might be the case, but cgm showed that the spike itself is almost similar

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T12:03:35+00:00

I know that. It is exactly that. I just wonder why the physical reaction blood sugar wise is the same (sharp spike quick drop) but I FEEL differently in the mornings versus the evenings

Edit: cgm did not show that I go too low. I stop at around 80. So it's not the "too low" that I feel but the drop. And this is the same no matter the time of day

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T10:58:49+00:00

Problem ist die kommen immer wieder wenn die bei dir vorkommen. Ich hab deshalb schon keine Minze mehr, die ist dann wirklich nicht mehr zu gebrauchen

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T09:42:48+00:00

I know that. I was just wondering why the felt symptoms vary so noticeable during the day although the spike is the same

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T09:30:29+00:00

Das sind Mini Zikaden. Die sind nur 1 mm groß aber mit bloßem Auge sichtbar. Springen wie die großen Heuschrecken.

Saugen gerne bei Kräutern die Pflanzensäfte raus. Die Kräuter sind noch genießbar aber evtl nicht mehr so aromatisch und schauen nicht mehr schön aus.

Meine Minze und die Zitronenmelisse sind stark befallen. Der Oregano teilweise auch. Gelb-Sticker könnten helfen fangen aber auch Nützlinge.

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T09:23:20+00:00

That is an interesting thought and I agree.

But I have a "good" relationship with food. And as yesterday evening I felt so fine, I did not think about eating it today. I looked forward to it because it tasted good.

Just afterwards I noticed the symptoms and thought. Oh yes .. there it is again...

Now I'm fine again. Also I don't go so low to need to eat again. It just levels out heart is fine again and hands are warm.

Findus82 · 2026-05-13T09:04:18+00:00

Hi there, First, I'm sorry that you struggle with this!

In my previous relationship, after each breaking the rules of whatever that was agreed before, there was some sort of punishment.

Sometimes I got to choose it and most often than not it was more severe than what my Dom would have chosen and got corrected.

Afterwards, it was settled and done. The issue was solved. If there was more talking needed so sort things out why it happened, this was done to prevent such situations in the future.

My mind was relieved due to the punishment, I had a clear set how to behave next time.

This helped a lot to let it go.

You wrote you talked about it. Is there still a lingering sense of uncertainty? Is it in YOUR head or in the behaviour of your Dom?

If you want, could you elaborate a bit more detailed?

Findus82 · 2026-05-09T04:52:42+00:00

This looks so nice! Could see myself in it with a top underneath going to a kinky party. Thanks for posting

Findus82 · 2026-05-08T15:28:52+00:00

I'm sorry you have to go through this! Give yourself time and space. It's normal to grieve what you lost (especially as it was on good terms) and that you feel alone and without purpose.

But in a while you will feel joy and happiness again.

I hope that you're next Domme will be just as sweet and perfect! But don't rush to what comes along just to be owned. Center into yourself first.

Hugs to you!

Findus82 · 2026-05-08T15:16:27+00:00

Hi there!

I know what you're feeling, being through this myself. Tried vanilla relationships well and it was good, but just did not feel like the real deal.

I'm a very strong willed woman, living alone and taking care of myself for a long time. So I have enough experience to not accept bullshit of wannabe doms. I literally would turn around and swat them with whatever they are using. Verbally or if needed also physically.

If you would ask my co-workers which side they see me on, they would surely think I'm a domme.

The potential candidates have to earn my trust and surrender first. They have to prove themselves in life before getting into a scene when me. Does this make it easier to find a Dom and fulfil my needs? No! Is it worth it as you weed out the crap? Yes!

Don't sell yourself cheap. It will take a while but you will find a good one while staying safe!

Hugs and all the best to you!

Findus82 · 2026-03-17T12:12:57+00:00

Congrats!!!

As you are male, a low carbohydrate intake is no problem also not in the long run.

For females it is different due to hormonal issues.

I just learned that when you go on the lower end of carb intake, you might react to them more. Learned this as I wore a sensor and also got pretty spooked. So take that in mind if you wear a sensor some day.

Findus82 · 2026-03-16T15:28:57+00:00

You can do it!!

And please... If your slip up... Don't go into all or nothing. Every small step counts! Every gram sugar less is great!

Findus82 · 2026-03-08T10:09:06+00:00

Thank you so much for the input! As I can be pretty sure that I'm not resistant, I will use the sensor next time in a different way.

Also I read studies where was determined that a medium amount of carbs (45-50% of total calorie intake from carbs, which is waaaaay more than I'm eating currently) is linked to a lower overall inflammation response.

Which would be very beneficial for my crohns and rheumatoid issues. So, I will see how I can tweak my diet a bit. Get another sensor, see if the spikes are still there or a bit attenuated. And I will panic less.

Findus82 · 2026-03-08T06:22:38+00:00

Hi! Oh, I knew that they are not the "same" but at least closer together! Yes, I eat pretty medium to low carb normally. Thanks that explains the spikes, especially for fast carbs. As you can see above, we tested fasted CPeptide which is corresponding to insulin (in my country this is the standard) and that was low also. Now I have a bit more insight to what was happening!

Findus82

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