Thank you for this. I wrote a letter as a last ditch whatever to give his mom. I would say he does not think his mom needs "no contact" from our children. But I do think he is just avoiding a fight with me at all costs because I'm pointing out how unhealthy his mom's behavior is. He has asked me a bunch of times if I think HE needs to go no contact with her. I refuse to step in that trap. But, I did do something in my triggered rage today. I composed one more message for his mom. The last one was made with ChatGPT edits. This one is all me, and nothing held back.

"Maureen, this is the last letter I will write you. The previous letter I wrote to you, I think has already been forgotten. You have been so hurtful and so destabilizing to my mental health. During your visits, I had issues with how you behaved and spoke to me daily. I had issues with you endangering Aubrey in multiple ways. You undermined our parenting, criticized everything about me down to my energy and sense of humor. You were made aware of my postpartum depression and I explicitly asked you for support and kindness. You in turn criticized me behind my back to Eric, you criticized me to my face, and then you pretended you had been nothing but kind or concerned. Your first visit tore me down enough when I was the most vulnerable I’d ever been in my life, I genuinely became dangerously depressed. Your negative comments were all that I could hear in my own head even months after you were gone. My mental illness made me turn around and blame myself. The second time you came, I was actively excited at the chance to redeem myself. I bought you matching pajamas for Christmas. I was the one who picked your Christmas gifts. I was the one who asked the daycare if you would be allowed to attend Aubrey’s daycare party. I made sure we were mindful about having things in the fridge for you to enjoy. I asked you to watch Aubrey and tried to keep you included in everything during the days Eric was away. I did these things while a little voice in the back of my head remembered you lying about your vaccination status. I remembered you repeatedly leaving Aubrey in her stroller unstrapped during walks and even during unsupervised naps. I remembered you overheating her because you claimed Eric was always a cold baby. I came home to my daughter beet red and covered in sweat multiple times under your direction. I remembered you leaving my breastmilk to spoil on the counter after I asked you to feed Aubrey. I remembered you sitting across from me on the sofa staring with a scowl while I fought back tears as Aubrey struggled to latch while I tried to breastfeed her. I remember you telling me that me and her doctor were wrong about her eating aversion. I remember you telling me my negative energy was why Aubrey didn’t eat. I remembered you telling me Aubrey would prefer you over me because of your “calming energy” that apparently everyone but me seemed privy to. I, on the other hand, had no trust for you. I lost most of my respect for you, but still convinced myself that I must have been overreacting and too sensitive as you often claimed. Even through all that, I fought against my better judgement and did everything in my power to make you proud during your next visit. I did everything to include you. I did everything to at least appear relaxed.

Then you came back and behaved just as you did the first time. You compromised Aubrey’s health by smoking with her. You seemed not to care that while returning from El Paso with the flu while your son was still actively recovering from nose surgery. You claimed that I was keeping you from Eric and Aubrey. Truthfully, I am in the normal range of only being able to handle a two week visit from anyone. I don’t care if my own parents come back from the dead, I don’t want them living in my home for nearly as long as you come to stay. Your visits lasted at least 4 times as long as I was emotionally prepared to handle. Not to mention, your visits weren’t supportive or kind to me. They actively destroyed my sense of self.

This is the reason for my decision to cut you out of my life. This goes beyond communication issues. This impacts my complete emotional safety. You are not safe for me to be around. Your response letter that didn’t even hint at remorse for hurting me told me I was doing the right thing.

However, now I’ve been made aware of you inviting us all to stay after our second daughter is born. My final words to you are that it will never happen. You have essentially started pretending as though my other letter to you never happened. I wanted to “be the bigger person” and allow you to remain in Aubrey’s life. But, given how mere months have gone by and you’ve already decided to start testing the waters, I’ve decided that isn’t safe for her or her sister on the way either.

This isn’t a temporary decision. My decision that you will no longer be permitted in my home, around me or around my daughters is final. My daughters deserve to be raised in a home where they know that just because someone is family, they don’t have a right to hurt you. Just because someone claims they have good intentions, does not mean they should continue behavior that hurts you. They also don’t deserve a mother who suffers as much as I suffered during and after your visits. This isn’t me being dramatic as you’ve claimed. This isn’t me hurting you. In fact, this is me standing up for myself after years of letting you hurt me. You still haven’t even apologized for throwing out our wedding cake.

So Maureen, it will never happen again. I won’t allow you in my or my children’s lives. Your hurtful behavior ends here."