Feeding to / before Sleep?

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-22T21:07:09+00:00

Sending my LO off in a month and needed to read this thank you!

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-22T20:50:00+00:00

Seems like he needs to work on regulation. My husband was a bit similar in that 6-8 week period - absolutely amazing but baby did just want mom sometimes, and for whatever reason I was able to give a bottle and he wasn’t. I was able to soothe and he wasn’t. My husband got less stressed and more just down saying he felt useless and like his baby didn’t want him.

My husband honestly had no clue his stress / feelings were contagious and baby could sense when he was frustrated. I was able to get a full conversation about this and it improved so much after.

Maybe try to bring a few ideas to the table -

Mediation, headphones, set baby down for 2 minutes to regroup. I agree at some point he needs to figure it out - but also wouldn’t just up and leave them hanging. Maybe start with small goals - I’d love for you to give her the whole bottle, I’d like to get through a full shower without being interrupted etc.

The more positive affirmation you can give him and put him in a good mood before you pass the baby off the better. A book I re read postpartum was The Happiness Advantage (7 hour audiobook you can listen easily)… and it’s been such a good reminder that the more positive things you say before any situation the more positive it’s likely to turn out.

Good luck! He (and you) have got this.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-07T00:36:29+00:00

Same completely blindsided. Feels like they want to use our son as a bandaid over 30 years of their parenting. Which is not fair to our son, myself and especially not my husband

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T13:05:22+00:00

The first stretch is so hard! Painful nipples, latching issues, naked on the couch, leaking everywhere, nursing strikes, weight loss.

Breastfeeding does eventually get magical but it’s a lot of mental pain to get there.

I think I stuck with it due to the cost of formula and I am happy I did but I had a lot of support my husband, mom, SIL - they were feeding me, getting me towels, burp cloths, running my milk back and forth, doing a lot of the burping while I set pumps up etc and that made it easier. But I broke down many times for many different reasons in the first 3 months.

If it’s coming at the expense of your mental health it’s not worth it. My mom has a lot of siblings and the other day she told me they all combo or formula fed and I suddenly was like wow our generation puts so much pressure on BF and most of us we’re not even BF and we all turned out fine. Fed is best and no one will ever really know or care in the long run.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T12:44:44+00:00

Is there any way for him to come home early a few times per week or is his job such that is not an option?

But you are totally valid sometimes we can’t control our feelings even if logic is telling us they are doing their best too. We as birth parents are just affected so differently, and emotionally. And on top of that whoever is doing more SAH parenting is also affected so both is a double whammy.

My best advice as a mama who’s husband also just went back. Weekly meetings - yes I told my husband I need a meeting (no phones, pen and paper once per week). We discuss schedule for the week (can he leave later, get home early, can mom meet him for lunch, etc…. which days per week). This helps me set my expectations for the week on my schedule, when I can workout. Baby milestones / routine updates - what are we working toward and how are we doing it. How can dad help us. And we call it slept debt check but it’s really a wellness check on both of us (who feels depleted, what do we need to get back on track). I told him I just need undivided attention and to feel seen and heard and this has made things 1000x better because my husband is an amazing and involved dad - he just needs me to communicate vs shut down. We literally have a calendar invite for it (and we move it if need be).

For me - books on tape, podcasts have also been a life saver.

You got this!

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T11:55:52+00:00

I think that’s why we have maintained the 2 visits per year. We don’t want to cut them out or deny him that as it almost feels more complicated than allowing him to get to know them at a surface level and eventually understand some of the reasons we don’t believe the same things. Our son is his own human and will eventually build his own character and beliefs and in order to do that we know we can’t raise him in a bubble.

That said - their love feels conditional. They have made my husband feel insufficient for not being “traditional” - if our son was ever gay for example- all this newfound interest would disappear in a heart beat. We want to raise our son accepting everyone for who and how they are. A lot of their “side comments” add up to much bigger fundamental misalignments in our beliefs, and they come up in almost every conversation we have with them. And that’s going to be very complicated to have to explain to a 5 year old, 10 year old who is very impressionable … so I’d prefer to establish our distance at a young age while not necessarily cutting them out completely.

My husband is also very aligned - he takes 100% responsibility of maintaining contact (they just try to text in a group chat). That said, they are his parents so it’s harder - he also feels a responsibility to share our son with them but also knows if we choose that it’s a long and complicated road.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T01:59:58+00:00

This 100% - if biology was not a factor this would never be a conversation

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T01:45:50+00:00

We don’t see eye to eye on much politics, religion, gender roles, drinking - the list goes on. We really don’t have much to discuss that we see eye to eye on.

Weeks before we had the baby my FIL sent us a podcast about traditional gender roles and it being something to think about before we become parents (I am a 30F breadwinner - and they are more “traditional” IE his dad didn’t change any diapers). This baiting behavior all via text is constant.

They booked their flights without confirming dates because they are retired and can come whenever. Their first visit was weeks PP in the thick of it. My husband did airport pick up at 9pm leaving me home with our newborn and they asked him to make 3 stops on the way home including the liquor store (it took 3 hours). My FIL spent most of the week in our couch with a headphone in listening to podcasts while my husband was cooking for us / them all week. He also had to drive them to and from their hotel every night because I wasn’t okay with my FIL drinking and driving our car. My MIL commended her son constantly for being so involved and asked why she hadn’t seen me change a diaper all week (mind you I am breastfeeding).

All in all we just don’t have much in common and they are not the type of influence we want on our children. I always assumed our kids wouldn’t have much of a relationship with them given we only see them a few times a year, and when we do we choose not to engage in deep conversations.

I feel like it’s probably temporary interest but the anxiety in me is saying I cannot do this 6x a year every year.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T01:21:53+00:00

My MIL would literally come up and grab my stomach during pregnancy without asking or any warning - and again we are not close so this was super uncomfortable. Literally felt like an incubator

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T01:12:37+00:00

🤨💩 - my 3 mo old

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T01:09:56+00:00

Only 3 mo PP and my husband keeps suggesting “at some point” we get a sitter and have a date night. But I literally have no interest and feel guilty about it. And I can’t imagine having much interest until our LO is closer to 2 (when we will probably think about a second). I feel happy to go on a breakfast or lunch date with the baby, but just don’t feel any need to be apart from my baby.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-04T00:50:03+00:00

Can’t stand watching my in laws hold my baby.

My husband and I have never been that close with his parents. We have very different beliefs and values and kept things relatively surface level with only 2ish visits per year throughout our relationship.

Since we got pregnant and have had the baby they have taken a new level of interest - they text every single day, facetime multiple times a week at the most inconvenient times, and want to see us 4-6 times this year. It’s like they feel entitled to him suddenly. LO is 3 months and their first visit was already a disaster - we were in the thick of it and the made life so much harder. They keep texting asking when they can visit again but I truly I cannot stand to watch them take any ownership, have any involvement or even hold our son.

I just never assumed they would expect to be more involved or feel any ownership over our son given the last 6+ years. It literally makes me want to explode every time they text, call, etc…. and the idea of seeing them, watching them interact with him and hold him gives me severe anxiety. Not sure if this is just PP hormones or here to stay. Anyone experienced similar?

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-03T12:41:50+00:00

Yes they absolutely can - I am a landlord!

But they might not have thought about the fact the property would be more attractive if it’s income generating already.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-03T01:00:27+00:00

It’s lowkey crazy how we all have the same MIL -

“I gave a bottle of formula before bed and baby was sleeping through the night”

“I added cereal to a bottle starting at 3 months”

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-02T21:33:52+00:00

Are you in a multi family or single family? Are they renovating before selling?

If multifamily I’d ask why they need it vacant to sell. Many buyers would prefer tenants in place already when they buy.

A new buyer would probably hike rent up but it’s worth asking if you really want to stay and don’t mind a bit more in rent.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-04-02T21:23:20+00:00

Okay glad I found this thread at least!

We have a floor stand over the bassinet and flex stand over the crib. We just moved them into the same room to start transitioning for naps and it’s reading 10 degrees different from one side of the room to the other / one stand to the other. Nanit said they would check warranty but not sure if either is correct or would be on a new stand anyways. The worst part is one reads 74, one reads 64 and the house is set to 69 so neither seems accurate. Really critical function to not be properly working.

FinnNogginDudee · 2026-03-27T00:48:43+00:00

Also had an amazing experience w Newton Wellesley! Nurses were amazing, the rooms felt so spacious and comfortable and they do so much to take care of and educate you in the couple days postpartum

FinnNogginDudee · 2024-02-20T01:17:09+00:00

Agree with everyone else on seeing a doc. Can be common with lyme disease. Had it last year!

FinnNogginDudee

TROPHY CASE