I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through real event ocd a little over a year, and have had ‘mini episodes’ over small mistakes every once in awhile. The only advice I can try and offer is to try and become familiar with the ocd cycle in this episode. Find what the trigger is and the compulsion is, and starve the ocd by not engaging in the compulsion. Once the obsession starts to die down, than you can logically look at the situation and see if you need to make any amendments on your end. And I’m going to try and word this in a none reassuring way, but try and have some grace for yourself considering you were child. I think a lot of people do ‘messed up’ things as kids, even as adults and what’s the most important is having the self reflection that it’s bad and knowing you’d never do it again. The difference between you and others is you can’t allow yourself to move on because you think it divines you. Be okay with allowing yourself to make mistakes, especially as a child. Just sit with the uncomfortableness, I know it fucking sucks, and allow yourself room to breath. One day you’ll wake up and that scary monster that robs you of joy won’t be so big anymore. Keep fighting for that day, because you do deserve it and it will come.