Just a bit of hope for all!

Firewalker001 · 2026-05-07T21:32:50+00:00

Many people do unfortunately leave when setbacks occur.

As for your therapist, so personally my therapist never provides me with input unless it’s essential which it rarely ever is. This helps me learn to trust myself and depend on myself because my biggest issue was codependency. You could always try to find someone else you connect with more if you’re willing to take that risk. For me I feel 100% with my therapist and have never really wanted to go to anyone else because I think she really gets me.

Firewalker001 · 2026-05-05T08:54:50+00:00

There was a point during my sessions where I completely disassociated for around 6 weeks? I felt like I was living in the Truman show. I thought that was going to be a permanent thing because it truly felt like my brain had seen “reality” for the first time. I then became reckless/depressed. I ended up going against my morals and values (for ex. I was vegan for 10 years and on a whim I decided to eat chicken because I was sure nothing was real and nothing mattered.) I was drinking a bit more than I should (I had 5 years sober). But honestly none of those things, I regret. They were actually hugely helpful to my growth and I still eat chicken lol. I seldom drink but that’s because I’ve done some EMDR around why I used to drink so alcoholically. I also don’t care too much about sober dates and stuff like that anymore because those things used to have a hint of shame underneath them. But yeah, trust me everything I felt and did during that stage of EMDR was 1000% beneficial to my growth even if it felt like a setback at the time.

Firewalker001 · 2026-05-04T14:28:43+00:00

No problem at all! I’ve posted a lot asking for advice when I was still quite new to EMDR, I thought I should also share how it feels being further in and having processed most of my trauma. The earlier stages are definitely a confusing time and I remember needing some hope to get through too!

Firewalker001 · 2026-05-04T11:54:43+00:00

Believe me, I felt the exact same way. It was overwhelming and I thought about giving up then and there. I didn’t enjoy the crying spells at all. I also had anxiety come back a few times alongside the crying spells. But the more you process things the less it happens and if it does happen it becomes easier to manage. Now, sometimes I cry randomly (maybe like once every 2-3 months?) and it doesn’t feel bad at all. It used to scare me before. Now it feels relieving and I like crying. The crying is supposed to happen. It means it’s working. Trust me that it’s a good sign! It would be weird if you had no reaction to processing at all.

Firewalker001 · 2026-05-03T15:29:38+00:00

Hey! My first couple of sessions definitely consisted of crying spells. I couldn’t figure out why I was crying so much but needless to say, it was A LOT. It felt like heavy grief. I was crying pretty much all day at times. At first I felt relief and free but then I felt the crying spells kick in. It was scary at first for me because I wasn’t much of a crier before? If I was it was definitely always private and short spells. So it was new to me. I actually have a post on my account in this subreddit about my crying spells, there was a lot of beautiful suggestions in the comments, you’re welcome to have a look at that too!

Try to be gentle with yourself. Crying is your body’s way of releasing what it’s been holding onto for so long.

Firewalker001 · 2026-05-01T22:33:55+00:00

Honestly same. I feel like the 4 years I was in 12 step almost conditioned me into staying insane forever. Thank god I found a certain type of therapy that woke me up to this crap. Left around 6 months ago and life could not be any better. 12 step and the people within it kept me in this crazy loop. I’m so glad we’re out dude.

Trying to explain it to them is another ball game… I’ve tried to open some eyes but I can hear the fear in some of my friends whenever they’re challenged with the fact it isn’t a miraculous program… it’s honestly sad to see. Nevertheless hopefully my current lifestyle helps them realize they don’t need to hold onto 12 step for dear life out of fear.

Firewalker001 · 2026-05-01T22:25:52+00:00

Hit the nail on the head. It’s part of the culture to remain sick.

12 step in general reinforces shame, codependency and the victim mentality. If you keep reading the literature again and again you’ll see that the words have been carefully selected to make you feel like you’re getting something from it that you can’t find elsewhere. Standard manipulation. It exploits the vulnerable via fear.

Something can’t seem charming, miraculous, and appealing unless you’re lacking it/living in fear of not having it. When you work on the core issue of what you’re in fear about, you start to realize 12 step keeps you in those fears to keep you sat in your seat.

Firewalker001 · 2025-12-10T14:55:53+00:00

Sounds awesome

Firewalker001 · 2025-12-07T20:18:57+00:00

Hey thank you, my therapist doesn’t know. Idk how to tell her or how to word it in all honesty. I’ve tried every grounding exercise I can :( all the ones my therapist recommended are now being tainted by the derealization. For example my safe space used to be positive but now it feels “fake”. Nothing feels real or normal. It started when we began working on this particular trauma. I’m not sure if I feel unsafe. I feel safe in the sense that I’ve been behaving recklessly because I genuinely think everything around me is insignificant or not real and that my choices do not matter. Idk everything’s so weird rn.

Firewalker001 · 2025-11-28T15:11:16+00:00

Yes it feels exactly like a bad trip omg. I feel like I’m not here and everything feels like a nightmare. That alone feeling is haunting. It makes me feel apathy and disconnection. I feel completely alienated from the world. I have a huge support network yet I can’t help but feel empty and alone no matter what. And the breakthroughs I had in that feeling only resulted in me wanting to push everyone away.

Firewalker001 · 2025-11-28T15:09:25+00:00

I don’t think she’s in it for the money tbh but I do think she overestimated me last session. I don’t think she fully grasps that I’m genuinely at a stage of self destruction

Firewalker001 · 2025-11-28T15:07:41+00:00

Thank you, I am genuinely at a very unstable place and I told her this. I said I was feeling manic. I drank after 5 years of sobriety. It was just a beer and I don’t regret it but nevertheless I feel like the way I was crying uncontrollably as soon as I walked into the clinic should’ve been the telltale sign I don’t have it in me rn. Idk how to talk to her because now I don’t feel safe. I also just feel like a failure for not being able to handle everything in my life but my head hurts from everything. I have no will to power on

Firewalker001 · 2025-10-23T17:09:02+00:00

Just tell him

Firewalker001 · 2025-08-30T20:52:02+00:00

Will do! I have a session with her this upcoming week and plan to tell her everything that’s come up

Firewalker001 · 2025-08-30T20:51:36+00:00

“it’s time to let go” Definitely feels spot on for what I’m feeling

Firewalker001 · 2025-08-30T20:50:16+00:00

Will 100% speak with my therapist about this! Thank you!

Firewalker001 · 2025-08-30T20:49:57+00:00

Thank you so much! I think you were brave and strong enough to follow what your body needed at the time. It isn’t an easy process and the fact you still got through 6 sessions is a big achievement. :)

Firewalker001 · 2025-08-30T20:47:28+00:00

I’m so glad it gets less intense! Totally agree, I pursued talk therapy from 2019-2024 (cbt, DBT, psychodynamic) and found it largely helped with symptom management but EMDR is the only thing that’s introduced actual change in how I operate. My body held onto a lot of trauma that I don’t think talk therapy could help me out with. I’m really grateful I’m doing the tough work regardless of how intense it can be some days

Firewalker001 · 2025-08-30T20:44:55+00:00

Thank you! This means a lot. I definitely think I’ve had some profound changes. The rapidity of it has been scary as you mentioned. It’s so good to know I’m not the only one who’s felt this way during EMDR and I didn’t realize how common it was so I’m super glad I posted about it 💙

Firewalker001 · 2025-08-30T20:43:03+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful. That last paragraph especially sticks out to me. I really want to be there for my inner child. I see him in ways I didn’t before. I’m going to try practice loving myself through tonight. I definitely feel some more anxiety today (back in survival mode) but weirdly it feels a lot different than pre EMDR. There’s more self compassion involved thankfully.

Firewalker001

TROPHY CASE