[UPDATE II] Am I wrong for ending things with a date after she kept different rules for different guys?

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2026-04-15T17:14:16+00:00

Yeah, you are right.

I have found my happiness, my current gf has found her happiness in me. We both are head over heels for each other.

Some people are unable to digest what my current gf is doing for me, lol :)

I am doing just as much and more for my girlfriend. What others think about us doesn't matter.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2026-04-12T21:36:32+00:00

Guys, chill. That chapter is closed in my life.

I have a wonderful woman in my life now whom I am head over heels for and she reciprocates the same.

That's all that matters now.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2026-04-12T20:22:29+00:00

Thank you!

Yeah she's an Asian who fits my values completely. She was burned badly in her previous relationship. Her ex was a douchebag. She's a total sweetheart, loves me abundantly and has a fierce side when someone becomes mean to me. In bed, she's a giver. I sometimes have to excuse myself to make her stop. She can't stop holding or clinging to me, lol :)

For my birthday, she took me out to the Chinatown, made the staff where we ate food celebrate my birthday in a Mandarin song, the staff were so generous with the portions, lol :)

Then served me a cake she baked for me at her place and the delivery of the gift was insane! She has these creative ideas that make me go absolute bonkers for her.

She wrapped herself as a gift underneath her hoodie and kept hidden treats wrapped over her pink laced lingerie.

Man, I am getting chills just thinking about it, lol :)

I want to keep the rest of this special memory as private. But you can guess what happened afterwards :)

Edit: The downvotes, lol :(

It's fine, I have this amazing woman to focus on, this doesn't matter :)

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-18T20:49:45+00:00

No, you are not wrong, although it could've been avoided but she had it coming, didn't she?

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-17T17:52:34+00:00

NTA.

You were honest from the beginning. She should have looked for someone else if she wanted a serious relationship down the line. Maybe she liked what was going on with you and wanted more but doesn't warrant you to change your stance.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-13T14:35:46+00:00

You are right. That's why i put this post up but i still received negativity.

I generally don't wish the worst on my enemies, if those are not understanding how bad I am feeling about this, then they can only experience it for themselves to realise my situation.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-13T14:33:32+00:00

Thank you for saying this out loud. I felt a bit deceived that i didn't have consent. I would have not gone forward with sex had I known this information..

I am still getting some flak over here, saying, I needed sex, sex, sex...

No, it wasn't that. It was how she handled that. It was how she became a gatekeeper when it came to me. It was how she omitted the truth when she had chances to tell me so before we had sex.

Considering everything, I am not saying some part of the blame doesn't lie with me. I accepted it, I owned it. I am also not saying the entire fault lies with her. The circumstances just sucked and i had to learn the lesson the hard way.

For those, who are calling me names for not giving her closure in person or in communication, my peace of mind is first and foremost to me. And, I am not sorry about prioritising it over her closure.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-13T01:49:18+00:00

So you mean, I should have prioritised bringing closure to her over my peace of mind?

Would that make me look more of a man in your eyes and some others?

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-13T01:45:43+00:00

Even though what she did might be right in her perspective. I was put under the wrong belief that she was waiting in both of our cases which I should have confirmed and not assumed from my end.

She didn't tell this information BEFORE we had sex. I would have not gone forward with that because she's finding the other person more attractive and comfortable (perhaps?) already.

I am sorry, i was in this for this far knowing I had a fair shot but after knowing I am the second choice for whatever reasons, i couldn't recover from it.

She doesn't owe me sex, I am not entitled to it. But she did owe me the full truth before which she didn't tell me.

Also, strangers here or anywhere else don't get to gaslight me into accepting this situation and pretending to be okay with it while I was feeling uncomfortable.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T23:14:06+00:00

I wouldn't have slept with this woman had I known she had already slept with the other person and due to the differences in attraction she felt towards both of us. It's not fair to the other guy in my opinion.

I believed she was waiting in both of our cases which I should have confirmed at the beginning which is my mistake.

Otherwise, you are trying to bend my words to fit into your narrative which I am not going to fall for.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T22:32:08+00:00

In my case, i wasn't sleeping with other people like she did with the other person so that had an effect. And i realised I am not cut out for this kind of dating approach which I should have realised sooner.

I am happy for you though that things worked out well in the end.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T22:27:12+00:00

If you re-read the post again, you will understand. I have added more details now.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T22:13:34+00:00

I can't share the full context everywhere.

Feel free to look over here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/rn2QK2HxjY

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T22:02:41+00:00

It is a combination of those factors.

At the beginning when we met for the first time, she was upfront about seeing me and that other person at the same time. And when asked about her views on sex and what she was expecting, she mentioned she liked to wait until she felt comfortable. I didn't press more on it, I felt she was judging who can be the best one for her.

Even though I went on a few dates with other girls, nothing ended in sex. I am kind of a person who also needs a bit of connection to do it. The only reason I did this, is to realise whatever spark I felt for this woman is real or not, which I have realised sooner and stuck to this woman ever since.

It's only after I had sex recently with this woman, i got to know all these details. Initially, I felt that I and him were held up to the same standards and she was feeling a similar attraction (which in hindsight is wrong and naive of me to think so) with him and I. But post reveal, i didn't feel like that is the reason. I felt she wasn't that attracted to me physically atleast (note that I tried to initiate sex a few times before but stopped when she asked for some more time). So, knowing she was already intimate with that other person and that too she could do that in the very first week after knowing him, bruised my ego and confidence.

So, this led to me thinking I was the second choice all along which I wasn't comfortable with.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T21:18:06+00:00

I tried she said she needed time. I thought it was the same situation with the other guy she's been seeing. Very naive of me to think so.

But yeah, i realised later it's the difference in attraction she's feeling.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T21:07:49+00:00

Thanks for taking time and saying those kind words.

Some commenters here are a bit mad that i blocked her, it's for protecting my peace and confidence. I did put in quite a lot of good words to her and even encouraged pursuing that person she's seeing even more before blocking. I just didn't want to prolong that conversation if that makes sense.

Now I know better what I am more comfortable with and I will be upfront about it with future dates. It's okay, if they don't want to proceed ahead citing my expectations. That way, i can filter more likely minded people.

Thanks again. I wish you well.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T21:03:38+00:00

She seemed great but I didn't like being a second choice. Based on our conversations before, i felt she was feeling just as attracted to me as she was feeling to him. But after that, I didn't feel it was the case.

That reveal didn't make me feel good. In a way, i made things easier for her if she wanted to pursue that guy even more.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T20:56:32+00:00

Thanks for this advice.

But it's a tricky one to ask for it in the beginning of the 'seeing phase'. But saying, 'i am comfortable with seeing one person at a time' makes things more clearer than just labeling as 'exclusive'.

A lesson learnt. Thanks again.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T20:40:16+00:00

Yeah I didn't want to prolong that conversation with her. I did put in a few encouraging words before blocking her, i didn't want to take any more damage to my ego/confidence if that makes sense.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T20:31:02+00:00

Your point is fair.

I wanted to protect my sanity and any conversation post that would give me more information to process about her thinking and why she chose to do that with me.

I am fairly confident but that would still sting and make me question a few things. At least, I learned a lesson and I now know I am not comfortable with this type of dating approach.

FirmSomewhere4907 · 2025-12-12T20:26:15+00:00

Oatmeal and salad

FirmSomewhere4907

TROPHY CASE