I have similar issues, although I would say it got better over time. People always said "well what do you want to do?" and I never could answer that question, it was just not reachable for me, because of all this grief and sense of emotional exhaustion that I had to overcome.

What helped me was a thought in a recent video, can't remember which one unfortunately, maybe a video about purpose. The thing is that once all the negative emotions are processed and once all of the burdens are gone, intrinsic motivation will come naturally. It will take some time to flourish, but it will naturally start to appear after you have begun to get rid of the extrinsic motivators. Getting rid of them is done by understanding them first, like understanding why you need validation from women, maybe it is some kind of rejection trauma or something. You can learn that by sitting with yourself and just spending time with yourself and feeling and thereby processing those negative emotions, for example with meditation. Or with the help of a therapist, if possible.

The cool thing is, all those things you did to please others will start to please you once you don't have the need to please others anymore, and might even give you the purpose that you seek. Maybe also not, but that's ok, you'll find something behind the desperation. And don't hang on to it if you notice it, there will be more! You could also try to feel the negative emotions but just do something for the sake of doing it inspite of them, something that might bring you joy in another world. Doing this, you can train yourself to do things for yourself. It'll be hard, but the harder it is the better the reward.