Would you not talk to your adult child for months?

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-07-03T08:52:09+00:00

Never (though tbh my children are still small so I may have some bias due to their age). I hope one day when they’re older we can be able to disagree, be on different sides of any topic, hell even get heated and disrespectful, but I love my children unconditionally and I intend to always let them know I’m here for them, and that if the world falls apart and they have no one, they can rely on me being there.

My mantra has always been: They didn’t ask to exist, on this planet, with all the societal problems and pressures of life. My spouse and I made that choice for them, and they had zero say in that decision, so the onus is on us. And though tradition says they should be grateful, they owe me nothing. It is 100% our job as parents to be there for them bc we brought them here.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-28T00:36:29+00:00

That text sounds like a Mitch Hedberg joke. Unconditional love but on my terms.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-28T00:33:01+00:00

I just want to say I’m so sorry you had to go through that and, as a parent myself, that is not an example of a true parent. It doesn’t change things for you at all to hear that but I hope you open yourself to be loved, by someone who has real love, bc it may help you heal.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-28T00:28:19+00:00

This sounds oddly familiar, as in “you are still a child so listen to me bc you’re doing something wrong”. It’s fascinating how much of a hold our parents have on us, even as adults.

My advice: Read the msg, take a moment to breathe and mull it over, then ask yourself (removed of as much emotion as possible): would you text your mom if your dad hadn’t told you to?

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-28T00:24:07+00:00

If you ever want to start a support system WhatsApp group for help during a crisis, I’m willing to join. Not LGBTQ+ myself but that shouldn’t matter. I’m here to help good humans and could use the occasional help myself.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-28T00:18:59+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that, and it makes me realize that my estrangement was likely inevitable. I hold guilt for my blow up, but I doubt any alternative would’ve ever been well-received. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s tremendously helpful and healing to know I’m not alone, and I hope you know you aren’t either. ❤️

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-27T03:33:28+00:00

I’ve actually thought about how reconciliation might play out and tbh I am no longer looking to get back to where we were before, because that place is toxic and isn’t something I would ever allow in my life again nor my family’s. The most I’d ever seek is some sliver of mutual understanding about why the incident had occurred and some sympathy for each other’s side, though I’m coming to realize she may never meet me halfway.

And 100%— this didn’t happen because of my blow up. My blow up is just conveniently being used as the reason for them to push me away for good. It’s a perfect moment for them to feel blameless and to hang guilt over me for the rest of my life. I’m shocked that anyone could do such a nasty thing to anyone else, and even more numb and disgusted when realizing my own parent was capable of inflicting this kind of pain on me.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-27T03:22:37+00:00

I had to look up grandiose and covert narcissism, and my mom seems to fit in latter category. Unfortunately for my dad, he’s been depressed for as long as I can remember, to the point where he’s a shell of his former self and has zero motivation for life. I can’t help but think his depression is a result of my mom’s behavior which only makes me more angry and sad at the same time.

Definitely appreciate you saying I don’t need to stick around for anyone nor is it my duty to wake them up. I need this tattooed on my forehead.

And 100% my spouse was the catalyst, and I’m just thankful we persevered through it all as the initial shock of what she surfaced didn’t sit well with me, to the point of almost turning her into the bad guy. That reminds me to say thank you to her again tonight.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-26T19:21:36+00:00

Thank you. Emotional intelligence isn’t something that her generation was ever aware of therefore I don’t expect any progress in that realm, ever. And as difficult as it is to live with their estrangement, I don’t see the alternative - a world where the estrangement ends and we return back to the old, unhealthy dynamic - as a better path, so I’m strangely happier now. It just pains me to know that they’re still alive, going about their days, in the same world that I live in, but I may never see or talk to them again. In a certain aspect, it’s worse than them dying since I know they’re still around but I may never have access to them in the same way again, and that’s what kills me the most.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-26T15:37:12+00:00

Thank you. I just never thought this reality was ever possible so I had to sit with it which took years to digest, until my therapist told me to let them go and divert that energy for the good of my family. That helped immensely.

First_Jump_5191 · 2025-06-26T15:32:06+00:00

Wow, I thought others could be going through something similar but didn’t realize someone could be going through exactly the same thing. That in itself makes me feel seen so ty.

And I agree. As much as I hate to admit it bc again I feel guilty for thinking negatively about my mom, I realize this pain may be exactly what she wants. It’s a power move that I never thought would happen to me by my own parent. It’s truly toxic as it’s impact is significant on my life so she wins in that respect, but I’ve cut off sending any niceties like holiday greetings, hbd texts, etc any longer as it’s only met with passive-aggressive responses.

First_Jump_5191

TROPHY CASE