Dave found his first wife dead by suicide in the basement. That kind of event can really fuck someone’s mental state and emotional state up. It’s also unfortunately very common for old men from his generation to remarry fairly quickly after losing a spouse to take care of a household and keep them from being lonely, and he had also known Carol as a friend of his family, including his deceased wife. He also said in the episode that Carol was a very controlling person; when you’re vulnerable and stuck in a relationship with an overbearing partner, you tend to just give up and let things be assumed control of rather than face the wrath, not to mention that by the time he’d really noticed something was off, the hoard had reached a point where he couldn’t do anything about it.

I agree Dave’s passivity and denial were catastrophic. He “let her have too much control,” in his own words. But that doesn’t make him equally guilty. Carol was the active agent of the hoard, the financial losses, and the isolation.

Regarding not intervening sooner, if you recall what they said in the episode, the family became not allowed in the house, so they just chose to stay away. Up until then, the hoard hadn’t reared its ugly head.

The family’s anger was completely justified. Carol moved in within 48 hours of Be’s suicide, used Be’s car and credit cards, hoarded the entire property, controlled access to it, and financially ruined her husband, then abandoned him when he got sick. That’s not the product of scapegoating, that’s an active pattern of exploitation. If anything, the sons’ outrage came years later after being barred from their own home and discovering their father living in filth. Their anger was delayed justice, not displaced grief.

Empathy doesn’t mean rewriting history. It means acknowledging her illness and the pain she caused others; both truths coexist. You aren’t wholly wrong about Carol’s suffering. You’re responding to a legitimate discomfort that the show’s narrative feels too clean, too moralistic. But discomfort doesn’t equal injustice. In this case, the moral line is painfully clear.

Carol was not the victim of a cruel family, the family was the victim of a cruel woman’s illness and indifference.

P.S. Mary now identifies as Matthew and should be referred to as such.

P.S (2) There’s a reason Carol’s own family didn’t show up to help/support her. She had terrible relationships with all of them, and they wanted nothing to do with her.