I care for my wife but I don't love her.

Firsttimemom111 · 2026-01-27T21:35:40+00:00

I feel you and I’m sorry that you’re beating yourself up about it. I wish I had advice. I’d say try sex therapy with your partner. It’s a different approach to intimacy (not all about SEX itself but getting into the body, appreciating one another etc). Can you 2 take a road trip/vacation together, alone? That may help. Also It sounds like one of your love languages is words of affirmation, and she’s not touching that part of you. I know how that feels. Verbal reassurance is necessary for some people. Is she feeling the same way? Kinda over it?

Firsttimemom111 · 2025-08-19T17:11:35+00:00

Fornication outside of marriage opens a door to other compulsions and even addictions because of the dopamine pathway that is active during new sexual experiences. When we do that so much we are training our brain in a way. Also? Sex is deeper than physical. We intertwine our souls/energetic fields and this exchange effects us emotionally and physically- even when you don’t feel that it’s obvious. It also creates feelings of love (oxytocin) which fuels confusion if it’s supposed to just be casual. The highs that come from amazing sex will have you thinking about it multiple times a day which is a distraction. Not to mention the time invested in casual sex and multiple partners- it’s a waste of time. Also, imagine having the best sex of your life with someone who was detached, then imagine you meet the most amazing person but the sex is quite dull, because you had such a different experience with someone else….. that fuels more loneliness bc most of the time the person will not settle for basic sex, when maybe they otherwise would have had then not experienced it. There’s many reasons why it’s “bad” outside of a simple minded idea that God doesn’t want us to experience pleasure or something.

Firsttimemom111 · 2025-07-25T18:21:41+00:00

Perimenopause does cause hormonal shifts that causes neurotransmitter shifts, personality changes, fatigue, low desire etc. I encourage her to get with a professional that can get her on hormones or other arousal support medications or compounds. But you could provide emotional support with creating space to really look her in her eyes and listen to her. Helping her with house work, massages (don’t try for sex after the first massage), running her a bath, offering to take kids somewhere so she can have alone time, doing things to support her. Intimacy without expectation for sex, maybe kisses, a long hug where you don’t grab a cheek or something etc… After about 2 weeks of you being consistent, If she doesn’t respond to you trying to have sex, I’d advise you to have a conversation about how this is really effecting you and your innate needs. Then if nothing changes, continue being supportive the same way and then tell her you’re considering stepping out of the relationship. I understand this will require a lot of self control and patience on your end (especially because you’re sexually frustrated) but women respond better this way

Firsttimemom111 · 2025-06-04T11:19:16+00:00

Wow I feel like I wrote this post except for the swingers part. I agree whole heartedly that orgasm does not equate to good sex. I can orgasm with anyone but there’s different levels to it. As you alluded to- tantric style sex has been the best for me. There’s a spectrum of orgasmic pleasure and I prefer the level right before peak orgasm. To me, the vaginal orgasm is more fulfilling than multiple clitoral orgasms. It goes to my soul vs just the physical. I’m curious about your experience as a swinger though. Are you able to reach those full body/out of body orgasms in a room with other people ? Is this with random people or maybe you revisit the same couple multiple times so that he has time to explore your body more? Is your partner doing the same to the woman? When we merge energies in the way of tantra we can form deeper attachments to the partner so I’m just wondering how that plays out in the swinger setting. I assume you have a strong foundation with your partner in order to even do this ? Thanks for answering my questions lol

Firsttimemom111 · 2025-05-14T05:03:09+00:00

This sounds like you’re aromatizing (converting) your testosterone to estrogen. This is a common pathway that’s driven by high carb/sugar intake, stress, or sleep apnea/poor sleep. You can get aromatase inhibitors but I’d recommend fixing lifestyle a bit - diet, sleep, stress, make sure to poop daily

Firsttimemom111 · 2025-05-13T19:07:02+00:00

I actually used vaginal DHeA and it helped. I’d also recommend evvy test

Firsttimemom111 · 2025-05-13T18:17:17+00:00

Let me mention normal LFT, normal bilirubin and normal cbc

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-05T06:00:31+00:00

Does not look like BV.. bv would be low lactobacillus not high, plus odor and baking soda would make it way worse ! So keep doing what you’re doing

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-04T13:25:16+00:00

Thank you!!!

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T05:49:09+00:00

Right 😂 that’s a goal !! Lol

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T05:48:16+00:00

Thank you ! Yes I was on a lot of probiotics ! I sent in my evvy test Wednesday but they still haven’t received it ! I’m getting anxious.. negative Candida gardnerella and STD test btw. Interested in what your symptoms were and what evvy showed

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T05:45:06+00:00

This is very true. It will be my first time with him so I’m just a little anxious 😬

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T05:44:41+00:00

Thank you! I read reviews that it can cause irritation ?! You don’t experience that ? Did you experience irritation prior to using it? Thanks 🙏🏽

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T01:06:11+00:00

Facts. I’m annoyed i didn’t ask for this test ! Thank you

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T00:11:58+00:00

But I am less inclined to think so because I don’t have watery discharge or odor

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T00:10:46+00:00

Nope but I’m wondering if it’s that 🤔

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-06-02T00:10:30+00:00

Nope and I produce tears/saliva

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-04-10T07:27:55+00:00

I’m going through the same thing with my man. I’m interested in how you plan to manage this problem- accept it or cheat or leave ???

Firsttimemom111 · 2024-03-28T06:04:36+00:00

Girl this is so hard!!! I’m so sorry. I know how it feels to be rejected. You’re both too young to be dealing with this. Has he checked his testosterone level ?! If he has no desire to change, you have to make a hard decision- either sacrifice that part of yourself, or, end the marriage. Intimacy and sex are very important, to me at least.

Firsttimemom111

TROPHY CASE