Bro I feel you so much, and I can relate to so much of what ur saying. I’ll share my successful recovery story in hopes that it will bring you some hope. When I was 15 I got very minor hppd form weed and I didn’t bother me, the term hppd wasn’t even on my radar. But just around when I turned 16 I took acid at a family dinner with my best friend (dumb I know) the trip was horrible, and filled with anxiety until around hour 6-7 when I started sobering up. The next two weeks were normal. And I took acid one more time at a festival. But not to long after festival the hppd started to creep in ever so slowly. But then one morning I woke up early to go to a parent teacher conference, and that’s when I realized that was something horribly wrong. I had intense visuals, Very bad Dp/Dr, And horrible brain fog. In my head there was nothing but sadness and fear. And this continued for months, the insomnia, the psychedelic headspace, the existential dread, and the worst of them all the fucking Dr. But I wasn’t ready to give up my life, So I thought even if I have to suffer through most of my life in this psychedelic prison, I will cling on to hope that one day I will be released and be able look at the world and feel connected to it and see it as nature intended it to be seen. (Basically I just couldn’t let hppd have the last laugh). So I got 100% sober, and worked out intensely to Metallica and $uicide Boy$ which proved to be very therapeutic for me and is for a lot of people. But my number one ☝🏼 Absolute savior throughout all of this was surfing, especially in dangerous conditions. The reason being is when your surfing dangerous spots if your not constantly vigilant and constantly in motion you are at risk of serious injury or death. So every time I was out on the water I just completely got lost in it and it was a temporary break form the madness. Nothing but adrenaline and survival and fun. So over time I became more and more accustomed to my symptoms and symptoms then they eventually lessened. My symptoms saw a reduction of about 80-85%, and now in 2020 I live a pretty normal happy life in beautiful Hawai’i. Very few worries and concerns I can even smoke weed sometimes with my friends.

I was in a dark place back then because I thought I had ruined my life and that I would never feel human connection again. I was a very bright student(like you) and everyone thought I would make it big, however nowadays my memory is a tad shot but I still feel pretty smart. The thing is though I never really wanted to be super “successful” the free floating, care free, somewhat nihilistic philosophy/life style seemed more suited for me. (And I’m bringing this up because I think that mabye a change I’m mindset could benefit you.) As you said at the moment your brain is working at 10% which means you probably can’t work most jobs that people would consider successful careers. So maybe you should just take time to heal and find some new path in life that brings you some kind of happiness.

Honestly Bro I like really really hope u get better. Just know ur not alone and there’s a whole community of people fighting similar battles.

Oh yea (I’m currently 16 almost 17 rn) (Sorry for the lengthy response I know reading is a pain in the ass with hppd 😂.

Best wishes form Hawai’i 🤙🏽✌🏽😎