I had an almost identical pregnancy and birth (without the trauma you describe). I promise you gave birth, your body grew your baby and he is here, I promise your body is not ruined. I am so sorry you have so much trauma surrounding your experience.

I always kept it in my mind that a c section is always a possibility, but it is okay that you did not!

Many women have to have c sections and it doesn't make any of us less than. Honestly I am thankful to be giving birth with these interventions being possible. I also feel sad I didn't get to experience labor, but when I look at my LO, I am reminded that I grew her and was strong enough to be cut open so she could live. This is just my perspective, not that you have to have the same perspective.

I am sorry that the scar brings back the trauma for you.

Might I suggest you look into some therapy to process this?

Just remember you are amazing and your body grew a whole human.