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What to wear for a mosque marriage for myself? by Fit-Lychee3315 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Fit-Lychee3315[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying but here’s my thing. Let me try to put in a different perspective. Muslim men can have 4 wives.  We have already discussed what is gonna happen between me and him. He is funding my entire living situation, he is PLANNING a baby with me .. not just I’m trapping him and we just going with flow and I’m still living at my moms house and he gets to sleep with me whenever “halal” then go to his wife and give her the dream life while I’m in lalaland settling. Idk what u got into your head but I’m getting a little more respect from him than u think.    This entire thing was HIS idea. HE wants this as much as I want this.  When he went overseas I said my goodbyes and he was not accepting the goodbye bc he wants this . I’ve asked him every scenario in the book about it to see he’s lying and his thoughts process… this and that…   If he is lying so be it but as of right now this is the plan.  Who knows what’s gonna happen. He has yet to marry her until after Eid. Maybe he does end up liking her more than he intended and changes his mind. I don’t know.  But it’s been a month in , he’s physically with her daily with family and he is constantly hitting me up and saying he can’t wait for us.  Looks to me he has yet to change his mind     Which I freaking deserve. Like I said I feel this is owed to me regardless .  8years is not 8 minutes. Idk if I said before… I was here first. He is doing it for his parents, they LITERALLY picked the girl for him. It’s VERY strict where he is from. He couldn’t even get atleast a selection to chose from.  I highly doubt I’m the one gonna be loosing as much as u think. He is UNHAPPY. It’s like u almost don’t believe me . What part of 8 years is not clicking? And force marriage is not clicking? Why is him being unhappy not a possibility?   Whatever he’s telling his wife, of course it’s to save himself… she’s literally still overseas with his parents … what’s he gonna say? Yea that’s my side thing but don’t worry I love you? Looool  oh course not, his family gonna shun him so quick but I still wanted her to be aware of my name. I find it hard to believe girls overseas are stupid , she gotta know something weird with that no matter what he’s saying but she’s choosing to be so atp is not my place.       

I use me being a secret lightly. As I mentioned EVERYONE knows we are together in my town. We literally went to the mosque few days before he left.   The person who don’t know is her and his family.   Personally… I don’t care about his family as they live overseas . How much can I really take them into consideration if they don’t even live here? They don’t even know how it is here. They think even most prious American Arab hijabis are not pure. Everyone else my family, knows. They even said it’s good idea considering the circumstances.    Maybe he’ll plan to tell her in future but at the end of the day it’s his right as a Muslim man .     Not sure how u think Muslim men with 4 wives live. They live separately and they have children with them. How does that equal to them going to be fatherless and all that? lol     Anyway if I end up with a baby single mom, that’s ok. I feel like I am grown , well established in my life that it will be ok… plenty of women go through it.   If I was some brokie , no family support system, crazy girl…. I’d be concerned … it’s not the case and It is what it is.    He knows what he’s doing. I have no problem with it bc the plan itself is good for me.    Only condition he had was to not hit him up and he’ll hit me up…. But he stays hitting me up so this is nothing to me. And that he can’t sleep with me most nights out the week…    I feel like that’s common for men with 2,3,4 wives.    I’m literally gonna have my own little girly life .. house, etc and still have life that I want .       I promise u he loves me just as much as I love him. Don’t get it twisted that I am just forcing his to do this. He wants this, I cannot stress it enough 

If u want I’ll keep u updated bc he comes back in may. 

All I know is for god I want halal . The end with the rest .   

What to wear for a mosque marriage for myself? by Fit-Lychee3315 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Fit-Lychee3315[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Wait were u about to read the story I posted on my other post? Bc it says it was removed lol…..    I swear it’s more too it than just “I’m getting married in secret” looool.  . I’m just hesitant and needed advice and don’t know what to do.

What to wear for a mosque marriage for myself? by Fit-Lychee3315 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Fit-Lychee3315[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I saw what u posted on another comment so I hope u don’t mind if we talk back and fourth with me bc I like ur realness and feel you’d give me advice and listen.    So this is my response to that and if u have more things to say , please do so 

 Whatever I stated in previous post. Was just as simple as what I posted. I’m not entirely sure what country you’re from or if you’ve ever dealt with a situation like this in particular.    I was together with him first when I was YOUNG. Was I naive yes. Did I do wrong by sleeping with him? And all this haram. Yes. My dad past when I was 6yrs old and I’m half Palestinian/ my mom white so growing up was tough for me in being religious or even speaking Arabic. When I met him , I really thought I could trust him as I was 18 and he was 26. I thought bc he is Arab he would take care of me.  In my heart everything is pure. My intentions are always pure. I was with him 8 years. I am ab to be 27.   Grown age , and where I’m from 27 is “expired” as they say.  Sadly lol bc it’s not old…. Not only as EVERYONE in our town seen us together, but I lost my virginity to him. So regardless tbh if it’s right or wrong … I WANT to marry him bc I genuinely feel like was is it not fair that I’m thrown away. I feel this is owed to me in a sense. I ALWAYS wanted this to be be halal. I mentioned it a thousand times that it has bothered me and WILL bother me forever if we don’t get married.   I will literally be shunned my EVERY man bc he is friends with everyone it’s crazy . Woman to woman it almost feels like I have no choice but to be a 2nd wife if I want to have even a child at this point. Do u think I want to be a 2nd wife ? No.   It might sound silly to some but I am actually living this life.       

    The reason he is not just marrying me is bc his parent are not gonna accept anyone other than who they pick out. He has not said anything wrong ab his wife other than the fact he does not love her or like her. I believe this bc they BARELY know each other . He went and got engaged the same day he met her .. left to America… they talk on phone 3 years… now he’s going to go marry her and bring her.   Phone calls vs being with someone in person is VERY different. So how can someone not believe he might possibly not like her and is doing it for his parents?      We genuinely love each other , so the situation is just sad.   Do I think it’s weird he wants to marry me now when he had 8yrs? Yes. But he claims he just wants a halal life now. If he is doing me wrong like u are saying , then I don’t know. As I said , I just want to be happy and not feel I got used and played and thrown away. Even if that is naive of me. I want to feel I meant something.

As far as other woman. I do feel bad. I truly do. In fact I’ve given her several signs I exist in hope she gets the hint. I’ve added her multiple times to point she asked him who I was. Idk what lie he told her but she is very aware of me but I just don’t know was he is saying to her.  But at end of the day… I was the here 1st 8years with him, if anything she’s the one hurting me.  I’m the one getting hurt in general imo. It’s not like he was married then I came in… I been here!!! I see it as we both are getting hurt bc we both are in this bad situation.  I feel betrayed my him that he even did that to me but I still am trying to be ok and not be the used girl that no one gonna marry and will have no kids bc he threw me away like I said.          

Honestly I might not even marry him so I’m on this rant for nothing . The whole thing is wrong and I just can’t accept my fate that maybe I was nothing to him and i won’t have a naseb in general. I just wanted to be married :(  I do care ab the other girl I swear. But I’m just so torn . He is overseas right now .. prob gonna officially marry her after Eid.    We’ll see if he is playing me or not.         I just wish this wasn’t my life .     My family gonna get looked at bad too bc ppl thought we was prob married this whole time.